Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Part-Time Criminal

Look out world! Peter is starting a movie on a Monday! Let’s see if I can keep this motivation going for more than 15 minutes. All glory and honor to the Hypno-Tigs.

Part-Time Criminal

We open in a bank on a hot summers day. The teller is fanning herself off as a man struts up with hat and sunglasses. He talks to her so sweetly that she doesn’t even register the fact that he’s placed a gun on the counter. The rest of his crew burst through the door. Everyone gets to the ground and they detain the guards. He still keeps locked in with the teller who seems attracted to him. He leans in and she leans in as well thinking of kissing him. He tells her to empty the drawers.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Home

The new season of Degrassi is out! Got this one done first.

The Home

Big Band music plays over black and white images depicting life in the 50s. There clips of teenagers dancing and having fun. There is a hard cut to a group of old people in staring at a TV set. No one is moving and it seems like a still picture except for the changing light from the TV. The shot changes to the TV and the show ’60 Minutes’ begins. An orderly walks over and shuts of the TV.

The old people are livid. A fit man in his 70s (Cyrus) stands up to put the TV back on but the orderly tells him to sit down and that there is a change of plans for tonight. An overweight man in his late 80s starts to mutter to himself “I can’t miss 60 Minutes… I can’t miss …”. A woman (Rose) puts her hand on the man’s shoulders and says “You know how much Fred needs his routine. He hasn’t missed an episode in years!” The orderly shrugs and puts a VHS copy of West Side Story into the VCR and says “We wanted to treat all of you with one of your favorite movies… and ice cream!” At that other workers bring in a cart of ice cream.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Judd, Judy, and Executioner

Totally forgot about the whole “maybe I’ll pre-write these” idea. So here I am on a train back to NYC on a Friday. Tigs is love. Tigs is life. This is a quick one.

Judd, Judy, and Executioner

Judd and Judy are in high school and were the best of friends. They grew up together and spend a lot of time hanging out, though platonically. We get the sense that Judy is into Judd but he’s a bit oblivious. Judd’s basement is full of computers parts and such and they are both nerdy. They are creating a video game together named Executioner. Judy announces suddenly that she has to go because she has a date with Travis, a cooler older kid.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Klondike Mission

I think I might start prewriting these over the summer. I certainly have the time during the week and get oddly stressed fitting it into my Friday. So here I am on a Thursday. Got 12 titles from Tigs. May his reign never end.

The Klondike Mission

A young man stumbles through the snow. He clutches something close to his chest. He shakes mining tools off his waist trying to cut weight to run faster. We are in the mountains and it is clearly turn of the 20th century. We hear a growling behind him as he closes his eyes clutching closer to what we see is a huge chunk of gold. Title card.

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Fake Movie Friday vol 2: Deep Blue

Waiting to go dancing again tonight, but was able to finish this up first.

Deep Blue

It’s a 1997 news report. 90s style graphics show the title “man vs machine.” The anchor talks about how its game six in a chess match between the best human chess player in the world and a computer.

The credit sequence shows computer code and archival footage of chess matches.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Squid Sisters

This is the sixth FMF from the list of titles that Tigs sent me at the beginning of May. I’m going to need a new list soon. Though (spoiler) one of the titles I haven’t used yet will become the first in a trilogy. Writing this in the Bronx at An Beal!

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Too Many Bats

Title comes from the Pig Pile audience! Remember the 1999 Lou Diamond Phillips film ‘Bats’? The title was upside down on the poster like how bats sleep! GET IT? Just like in that movie, the bats here are a metaphor.

Too Many Bats

A phone rings. Dale, a scraggily bearded man, stirs slowly in his bed. A great deal of light comes in and it’s clearly late. He answers the phone to find his ex wife Gail on the line. She chastises him for still being asleep this late. He is not communicative. She tells him that she thinks a box of hers is in the garage if he could put it out in the driveway she’ll find sometime to pick it up. He heads to the garage looking like shit and notices in the corner of the ceiling, a single bat.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol2: Black Monday

Just under the wire. I watched the new Alien movie right after work so I got to it late.

Black Monday

It’s 1987. A man stands by an open window. The Manhattan skyline can be seen from this 50th floor office. The man (Timothy) is wearing a Wall Street suit.

We flash back in time. Timothy is sitting behind a computer and his supervisor is standing over his shoulder. “Jesus Christ, that number isn’t real is it,” she says. Timothy is stone face. “… I … I think it is.” “Jesus Christ. We have to stop this.” “It’s all automated… I…” “Fucking unplug it.” “There’s a supercomputer down the hall….” “Shut it all down. Shut down the power to this floor.”
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Double Shot

Who knows how long I’ll be hitting that old list of 20+ titles Tigs gave me. Here’s another one.

Double Shot

We open on a warehouse by the dock. A deal is going down with some guns being sold to so foreign gangsters. Something moves in the shadows. A man with a smaller build in black tactical gear stars taking people out quietly. The bad guys start to catch on but are then quickly taken out. We hear a voice in the earpiece of our mystery man that says, “Get to the van, clean up crew here in 5.” The van door opens and someone says “Thank you for your service Agent Johnson.” The mystery man passes out.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Minor Murder

Still farming the very fertile land that was the long list of titles Tigs gave me last month.

Minor Murder

We begin at a crime scene. A man lies dead on the ground, shot several times in the chest. Two young cops are putting up tape and talking about what an asshole Tyler Elroy, the deceased, was. The camera pulls back to an EMT truck nearby where the EMTs are saying how glad they are that they didn’t get here in time because they aren’t sure if they’d try to save him or not. We back up further to some on lookers as the news spreads about who it is and they all seem happy. Detective Jane Heron cuts through the crowd and approaches the body, she sighs deeply and mutters “this fucking guy.”

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