Posted in February 2013

Fake Movie Friday: Cobweb Blvd

Hey friends. Work->dinner->Scatterbomb (a good one!)-> Fake Movie Friday. It’s one of those sad indie ensemble pieces with little closure. Title courtesy of a member of Glitterface that performed at Pig Pile last night.

Cobweb Blvd

Jimmy steps off the bus and throws his bag over his shoulder. He sighs and looks around to find his father behind the wheel honking to get his attention. The two talk in the car about Jimmy’s life in the city and how his new job is going. He is thankful that Jimmy could come home for his mother’s birthday. Jimmy says no problem because a lot of other people are actually back in town, that they will be hanging out on Cob Blvd like old times. “Stacey will be around too” says his dad. Jimmy just shakes off the comment.
Continue reading

Tagged

Fake Movie Friday: Tramp Stamp Collector

Looks like I’m working late on a Friday night, so I might as well use a bit of this time to write my FMF. I’m thinking this is like Cabin in the Woods meets The Apparition meets Resident Evil Extinction. I asked for a suggestion at last nights Pig Pile (were you there? You should have been) and the title I got was:

Tramp Stamp Collector

We open on the bloodshot eye-ball of a victim, Lindsay. She appears to have just woken up and starts to look around. She is beaten, bloodied and wearing a bikini. The room she is in has a very cold, steal feel about it, similar to something you would find in the Saw series. Just to drive that point home, as we pull out from Lindsay’s frame we see the bodies of multiple girls, all of similar ages, laying dead on the floor. Some decapitated bodies, etc, smash cut to the title screen. Continue reading

Tagged ,

The Mandarin Character Poster

Iron-Man-3-Mandarin-uncropped

I kinda love this picture of the Mandarin. There was some controversy over the casting of Ben Kingsley as the Mandarin because of racial issues, which is understandable. It is worth pointing out that the Mandarin character itself is pretty racist. Regardless, it looks like they are trying to build a unique character. A commenter named Nicholas Slayton at Slashfilm had this to say:

“They said the Mandarin basically collects warrior symbols from different cultures and re appropriates them in a twisted way. US army camo pants and boots. Chinese robes. A samurai topknot. Captain American-type helmet. OBL-style beard. Tony’s (or maybe Killian’s?) glasses. Very twisted idea that kind of works.”

I think he is mostly right on and points out a lot of details that I had missed, though it is more likely that the helmet is a UN helmet, not a Captain American-type helmet.

Via SlahFilm

Tagged ,

Fake Movie Friday – The White Wolf

People love stories of white people becoming members of native societies (Avatar, Dances with Wolves, Ferngully etc) and learning some valuable lessons, this fake movie is pretty much that, with an added twist taken from a certain disappointing recent animated movie. Enjoy:

The White Wolf

We open with some establishing shots of a Jungle. We cut to a bumbling character. He is wearing a pith helmet and looking very out of place. He is scared and is making way too much noise. In what is supposed to be a tension filled scene, we see a panther slowly stalk the character. The panther lunges at him and we hear a gunshot go off. Emerging from the wilderness dramatically is a hunter. The camera cuts to the dead panther, then cuts to the opening credits.

Continue reading

Tagged , ,

Fake Movie Friday – Good Cop, Dad Cop

It’s been a very long time since I’ve writted a Fake Movie because I’ve been incredibly busy, but I promise to get these out more regularly.

Anyway…

Good Cop, Dad Cop

Jake Hart is a newly minted detective in the NYPD.  He’s brought down some of the largest gangs in New York while working on the task force.  He’s good at what he does, and he does it by the book.  Police chief Raines likes him so much that he tells him as good as he is on the gang task force, he’d like to see him where he could more, and that’s on the drug enforcement force.  Jake is very hesitant to take the position.  He thinks he’s better served where he is, but then the chief tells him there hasn’t been a cop on the force assigned to drugs this young ever, except for FLINT HARTMAN 20 years ago.  (the screen jump cuts to Flint Harman, chomping on a cigar, blowing away bad guys left and right before ever getting any information from them, whilst laughing).  The chief says, “you should hope to be half the man Flint Hartman is.” Jake says, “I don’t have to, because I am.”

TITLE CARD: GOOD COP, DAD COP and the movie starts.

Continue reading

Tagged , ,

Movie Movie Podcast #33: A Good Day To Talk About The Oscars

The Academy Awards are only a few days away, so it’s time you hear the REAL winners from us, the Movie Movie Podcast. Spoiler: Lockout wins EVERYTHING (double spoiler: that’s not true). Oh right, we talk about the new Die Hard too. Join Alex, Russ, Peter and myself as we share our opinions about the nominees for the 85th Academy Awards and very quickly say some shit about A Good Day to Die Hard. Recorded on February 20th 2013.

Tagged , , ,

Kitsch is back and this time he’s angry

Taylor Kitsch may have had arguably the worst year in film last year.  A year where he was poised to be a breakout star in can’t miss films like John Carter, Battleship, and Oliver Stone’s return to form, Savages, he instead became the butt of most snarky bloggers’ jokes.  Sucks. I’m sure other actors had worse years, but probably not one who was supposed to become a megastar.

It looks like Kitsch may have learned his lesson as he’s taking some different roles in 2013.  We’ve reported on the others, so I wont get into them, but he recently signed on to play the villain in Exit 147.  It is written by Travis Malloy, who wrote the underrated Pandorum, and will be directed by Julian Jarrold, of Kinky Boots and the forever-in-my-netflix-queue’s Red Riding trilogy.  Based on the talent behind the camera, I think Kitsch might be able to play a small town sheriff who terrorizes a man who gets stuck in the town.  Or maybe he can’t, but I think this is a much safer role, and a much smaller film, so that even if it’s a giant failure it’s not a historically epic one.

We’ll see!

 

p.s. This might be my 5th Taylor Kitsch post.  I just like the guy

Fake Movie Friday: Mirror Image

Ice-T has a new book coming out, his first foray (is that the right word?) into the world of fiction writing, in May titled Mirror Image that I just got a advance copy of. Colm then suggested I use that title for my FMF this week. So I bring you:

Mirror Image

Some high school, Middle America. Stacey is completely uncool. Half of the time it seems like there is no reason for it. Her friend Heather is extraordinarily popular with everyone. When Heather is in a group of people, Stacey will just leave them be and maybe wave. Heather’s friends will always make fun of Stacey, but Heather defends her though she won’t stop hanging out with those people. Stacey is a brunette, short, stocky, with curly hair, acne, glasses and brown eyes. Heather is a medium height blonde with pale blue eyes, straight hair and perfect complexion.

Continue reading

Tagged , ,

Harrison Ford will be back for Episode VII

han-solo

According to Latino Review Harrison Ford will be back as Han Solo in the J.J.’s Star Wars movie. There seems to be a lot of cynicism over the news with people bringing up Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I get where they are coming from, but I think this could totally work. I’m all for bringing back Luke, Leia, and Han, with two reservations. One, they have to be mindful of what, as Devin Faraci calls it, “small universe crap”. That is, it seems like the universe revolves around the Skywalker family. And two, they have to kill off Luke, Leia or Han. It would give this new trilogy emotional weight, and allow the story to continue forward without being tied to much to the original trilogy. Just like Qui-Gon Jinn in Episode I and Obi-Wan in Episode IV, someone should die in this movie.

Via Latino Review

Tagged , ,

Jason Momoa cast in Guardians of the Galaxy

game-of-thrones-jason-momoa-hd-2106610971

The rumor is that Jason Momoa has been cast as Drax in James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy. This seems like dead on casting to me based. My only reservation is I really only know him from Game of Thrones, so I haven’t really seen him speak English… I’m not too worried because critics seemed to like him in Bullet in the Head, and from my recollection of the comic, Drax wasn’t overly chatty. If this turns out to be true, it would be in keeping with Marvel’s track record of giving actors their first really big break.

Via Slash Film

Tagged , , ,