Posted in December 2013

Fake Movie Friday: Bear Song

Greetings all! Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season. I’m talking about Oscar-bait season of course. Did everyone’s grandmothers see the Book Thief? All my films this month have been sad and serious with a “great deal” of “Oscar potential.” Keeping that going this week with a wonderful title from a wonderful Tigs.

Bear Song

We open in the past as a  Native American infant sits alone in the woods by a stream. It’s mother is by the water filling a jug. Behind him we see a large bear begin to approach. The infant begins to cry and we see the mother drop the water and start coming towards it. The woman begins to sing a song quietly and the bear stops. She stands in between the child and the bear and continues to sing. The bear turns and walks off.

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Fake Movie Friday: The Old Dragon

Hi friends! Last night at Pig Pile someone suggested The Matchmaker, which is already a Janeane Garolalo film from 1997. As I stated this on stage it was a crushing realization of what my life is like. Then someone said this title so let’s concentrate a bit more on the task at hand and less about my knowledge of late 90s romantic comedies.

The Old Dragon

We open on a small Kentucky town. There is a siren going off and people are running into the streets looking up at the mountain. There is a rumbling heard as the people come together looking frightened. We time jump ahead a bit as a young boy, Arnold,  walks through the woods. The wind starts to blow around him and a large shadow creeps above him. We hear the sound of huge wings breaking the air as he cowers in fear.

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Fake Movie Friday: Scratching Hogs

So my company had our 3rd quarter regional meeting/holiday party today. I wrote this during the meeting and am now pretty drunk to type it out. This title comes from a very strange story that was a part of the meeting today.

Scratching Hogs

Movie opens on Davie, a young boy sitting on the fence of a hog pen. He is scratching the back of a large hog.The camera pans behind him and we see  the farm he lives on. In the driveway is a beat up old truck but then a much fancier car. We hear arguing from the house.

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Fake Movie Friday: Two Dogs

So I had panicked last week as the always dependable Tigs was not getting back to me on Gchat. In my desperation I turned to Adam. Little did i know, while I was writing last weeks Tigs had sent me a huge list of titles. He is a god amoungst men. I’ve decided to take one of the simpler titles since I haven’t written a kids film in quite some time.

Two Dogs

We open on Sam, a small boy sitting in a tiny black suit in the middle of a room of people in suits. We over hear them talking about his parents recently died in a car accident and how it is such a tragedy. We hear that it will be Sam’s uncle Jack who will be taking him in. Sam just sits there without expression. (KIDS FILM!)

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