Posted in December 2016

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Alpha Source

Ok, so I am clearly not back in the groove of what Friday means. Russ SMUGLY told me at 1230am driving me home that he wrote a FMF. I freaked out. Opened gchat from last week and got an old title from Tigs. Sorry for a technically Saturday film.

Alpha Source

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Fake Movie Friday Vol. 2: #DeadAF

Working in a high school means a LOT of my movies will take place in one now…

#DeadAF

This is a teen slasher much like the slashers of the Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer vein.

We open on a packed high school football game.  Wellington High is losing to rival Regency South by a score of 20-14.  There are 10 seconds left in the game, when star Quarterback Jeff Worthy, decides to audible the play and instead of passing the ball to a wide open Leon, the best receiver, he scrambles on a broken play and runs the ball upfield before being tackled at the 1 yard line.  Wellington loses.  The crowd boos heavily.  After the game, Jeff’s teammates are giving him shit for losing the game for them and he says, at least he tried…Shortly thereafter, Jeff is in the shower still after the game and hears his phone go off.  He gets out of the shower to check the message,  and it’s from twitter.  The name is @redacted and the message is, “Tonight, you’re gonna be #DeadAF”  He laughs it off and starts changing. He hears a tap on one of the lockers, when he goes to investigate, he hears it at a locker on the other side of the locker room.  This goes on once or twice, and Jeff says “haha very funny, cut it out.” Right at that point, our killer, wearing all black and a Heath Ledgers, Joker Mask jumps out and stabs Jeff in the face repeatedly.  He then takes a picture of Jeff’s mangled face and posts it to Jeff’s instagram.  The caption is “I’m #DeadAF”

TITLE CARD.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: One Leg at a Time

I just watched Sausage Party on my birthday and I got to thinking about what other objects were left to be anthropomorphized in film. I came up with this:

One Leg at a Time

We open in a bedroom. It’s dark. We hear disembodied voices. There is a conversation about who he is going to be picked on today. There is a strong voice “Red, I bet you anything it’s Red Shirt today.” A softer voice answers “Oh pipe down Gene, just because you get picked almost every day, that doesn’t mean you know everything” Gene (Randall Park) begins to answer when an alarm goes off. A figure gets out of bed and puts on fuzzy slippers. We only ever see him from the neck down. He gets ready and puts on a pair of well worn jeans and a red tee shirt.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol. 2: Rex and the City

If this doesn’t make sense, I wrote it in and out of sleep last night.

We open a nerdyish boy and girl (both 15) on a class field trip heading the Queens Museum of Science.  As they sit on the bus, other high school students are making fun of them calling them typical high school insults.  The Earth Science teacher, Mr. Warren, played doofishly by David Arquette tells the other kids to leave Ben and Milla alone. Ben and Milla are our nerds and we can assume they are played by any combination of the Stranger Things kids, I don’t really care.

Anyway, the class gets to the Museum and Mr. Warren tells them they have 2 hours to explore the museum, but not leave or get lost.  The rest of the kids seem mostly disinterested in the museum as a whole, but Ben and Milla really love it.  They spend their day exploring all of the different areas of the museum until they come across one part of the museum that explicitly states “no trespassing”  Milla, who always seems to goad Ben tells them they should sneak a peek inside. Ben, the more reserved one, says they shouldn’t but Milla wears him down.  When they peak in, they see what looks to be a space ship in an below-ground hangar.  They cautiously approach the door of the spaceship, which is glowing bright red, and as soon as Ben puts his hand on the door, it flies open and a giant creature flies out.  For dramatic effect, the lights in the room flicker off and on, and Ben and Milla look ahead as a Tyrannosaurus Rex stares right back at them and says, “Thank you”  Ben and Milla both go “WHAT?!?!?” and they pass out simultaneously.  SMASH CUT to the title card REX and the CITY

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Yesterday’s Heroes

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can finally say this after 2 long years of not writing these, and 2 long weeks of writing them:

This week’s title was suggested by Tigs.

It just feels right. This movie is based on the pattern of if we have enough young people movies an old person version will come next (Space Cowboys, Last Vegas, Dirty Grandpa).

Yesterday’s Heroes

We open in a bar. A bunch of flashy youths are doing shots and all sorts of shenanigans. There’s a hotly contested arm wrestling match, really good dart games, and crazy pinball scores with people hardly even looking. Everything seems too good. A women yells, louder than normal, and everyone turns to the TV. A news story recounts an attack in some city and the bar clears out real fast. The news story changes as now a seemingly similar group of young heroes fight the threat. We pan around to the old bartender Dale, played by Robert Redford (78), looking gruff and annoyed. He sighs and starts to clean. Continue reading

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Manic Pixi’d

Three in a row, let’s see if I can keep this up. Here is my take on a movie like ‘Garden State’ from a different perspective. Enjoy.

Manic Pixi’d

Ron is driving down the highway. It’s the middle of the night and no one else is on the road. There is a bridge coming up and Ron drives right off it. The car hits the water and sinks. As the car fills with water Ron gets a satisfied look in his eyes.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Original Sister

Volume 2 keeps on rolling! Did I think we’d make it to week 3 in volume 2? Nope, but here we are letting the creative juices flow, as some would say. Got this title from Pete this morning, and I gotta say I’m not sure if I’m on a clone kick of if he is, or maybe we are both in the same clone mindset. Either way, my self proclaimed, lightly connected by theme only, Clone Saga continues. I’m thinking about calling it the Clone Wars, no one’s used that before.  Now, without further Apu (smirk) I give you:

Original Sister

Patricia Hieland is an architect, married with two kids, an avid soul cycle goer, living in the city of Spitzer Ridge Connecticut. She’s been living there her whole life and as such has known many people who’ve come and gone, but she’s always stayed. When she’s not at home, work or soul cycle, she’s with her sister Beth, who has cancer and has been in and out of hospitals for the better part of her adult life. For the past few months Beth has been confined to her hospital bed with what looks like no hope of ever leaving. The doctors have been doing all they can but the disease has spread and can no longer be contained no matter what they do. Patricia stays long hours at the hospital, sometimes staying all night with her sister to have as much time as she can.

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