Posted in March 2017

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Sheep’s Clothing

I’m writing this on a plane! I’ve now written FMFs on trains, in cars, in bars, on the toilet, and now a plane. I need to write one on a boat next. Also this plane has the Arnold classic ‘The Running Man’ so I’m having the best time. Did you know: The Running Man takes place in 2017? Title is from Tigs who is about 8 rows behind me.

Sheep’s Clothing

Kara is driving her car through a terrible storm. She passes a sign that says ‘State Penitentiary’. The storm knocks her off the road and a tornado is seen in the distance.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Roswell

I’m on call this week so I don’t have any excuse to not write a fake movie. This was a fun one to write.

Roswell

Titles say ‘June 21 1947’
They fade out and are replaced by the text, ‘Washington’

Harold Dahl sees six UFOs in the sky.
The next day there is a knock at his door. He opens it revealing two men in black suits.

‘June 24 1947
Washington’

Kenneth Arnold sees a UFO on his daily nature walk.

‘June 14 1947
New Mexico’
William Brazel is riding a horse. In the distance he sees a UFO crash land.
He rids off to investigate. As he approaches the crash site his horse is spooked and bucks him off. In a daze he stumbles further towards the wreckage. Something grabs him and he screams
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Crime Brûlée

It’s only week 19 and I’m already debating about how long I will be doing this for. Luckily I got some titles from Tigs and he threw this absolute gem at me and I’m energized.

Crime Brûlée

Chef Harold is the talk of the town. He is a famous dessert chef who does guest spots at fancy restaurants and talk shows. He is working on opening his own line of shops. He returns home to his fancy apartment to find his younger brother Todd waiting for him. Todd is a career criminal and is coming to Harold for money. Harold sends him away when he learns it’s for putting a job together.

Shortly after this night Harold is meeting with his financial advisor when he learns Mr. McGuffin, a wealthy investor of his has used him and stolen the money for the shops. Harold is angry and ignored by McGuffin who says it was just business. Harold flirts with McGuffin’s sexy assistant. Harold is lost for a solution until he realizes that he should track down his brother. That maybe crime is the answer.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Brothers in Crime

It’s St. Patrick’s day and I’m trying to get this done before going out. I was sick last week and missed writing a fake movie but I’m not missing this week!

Brothers in Crime

1914 Chicago
Mikey and Bert are 10 and 8 respectively. We see them in a one room classroom. Mikey is being disruptive. The teacher says that if he doesn’t follow the rules he won’t amount to anything. We cut to the kids playing. Mikey is very rambunctious and picks on the littler kids but always defends his brother. We cut to the brothers at a corner store. Mikey steals some baseball cards.

1934. The brothers are now adults. Mikey has continued in his way and has begun to rob banks. He is buying expensive cars and has a beautiful girlfriend. Mikey is always nice to Bert but it is clear that Bert is envious of his lifestyle. He has always been a law abiding man but he has had enough and decides to rob a bank.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol. 2: Lemonade Factory

Title from Adam at the show last night. He kept shouting it out and Pete kept ignoring him, so I’m taking it upon myself to do this one. I honestly have no idea what to do with this one, I probably should have done something like all the people in the town are disappearing and it turns out they are making lemonade out of people, but instead…

Lemonade factory

The movie starts off with a bunch of workers going to a dock hoping to be called for work, it’s kind of like Cinderella Man but they are all hoping to get work at the local lemonade factory. Our main character, Jared, get’s the word and goes to the factory. There’s a conveyor belt with lemons on them, Jared picks up on at a time, puts the lemons into a squeezer, squeezes out the juice, puts the used lemon back onto a conveyor belt  and there is a stack of used lemons that it falls onto at the end.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Pot Hole

Title from Pig Pile last night means no more board games. I may not have work today but my dad is staying at my place and finding time for this may be difficult. He’s in the shower. Let’s bang some of this out. This film will also try and solve racism, but in a terrible Gran Torino style.

Pothole

Title card is displayed on a black screen as we hear cars going by. We start to hear the scraping of metal and clanks of them hitting potholes. An old grizzled man, Franklin, awakens in his bed to the noise. He looks annoyed as he slowly gets himself up and dressed. His house is tidy but bland. He sits down to make a phone call and the 311 operator, Derek, recognizes his voice. They chat as he complains again about the pothole as he does every morning. The two seem to have a friendship.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Connect 4

No Tigs on g-chat when I want to start this so I’m going back to some old suggestions. Which means yet another board game named film.

Connect 4

We quickly cut between three different people traveling. Todd is driving, bluetooth headset in his ear yelling about some meeting. Tiffany is driving while crying. Her phone is buzzing next to her with the name Chris, but she is ignoring it. Carlos is on a bike weaving through traffic on a delivery. They all crash as they swerve to avoid a young woman in the street who runs off.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: House of Reanimator

I’m so ashamed I missed last week. I think this one is worth the wait though. There was talk of making this movie during the Bush years but it never actually happened. I think it’s much more appropriate now. I wrote an outline for this movie a few weeks ago and some stuff happened since then that makes a scene in this not make any sense but I decided to leave it in. Let me know if you pick it out.

House of Reanimator

It’s a close up of an older man’s face with really bad hair. The camera zooms out to reveal that the man is in a robe with DT monogrammed on it. We then see that he is sitting on a gold toilet. The camera continues back. The man grabs his chest. “But I have the best heart! Really, a stupendous heart.” He slumps down. The camera continues back and we see the bathroom is connected to the Oval Office. The camera pulls back further, through the wall revealing the White House.

Title Card
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Candy Land

I’ve been remembering this for a couple weeks now but this is a Friday in which I am very glad I set a Google reminder for this. Tigs isn’t on Gchat. Went back in our convo and remembered last week’s suggestions were all board games. So here we go.

Candy Land

We open in a candy throne room. An adorable little king and subjects sing a cute song about candy and being happy. Darkness creeps in and an evil sorcerer named Count Cavity enters to screams. He takes the king hostage and says he is taking over. A young prince, Toff Butterworth, is whisked away quietly being told that he needs to find the hero of destiny, a young girl true of heart, who will save the land using candy powers. We jump cut to Jake, a Seth Rogen type, snoring in bed.

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