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Let’s get ahead on this shit again. Tigs gave me a big long list of titles and I’m ready to rock after how disappointed I am after last week’s movie, which I didn’t even tweet out.

Christmas Comes Early

Ben is a hotshot Wall Street type. He lives in a fancy apartment in the city and does two things, makes money and bangs chicks. What he doesn’t do is care about anyone (off to a great start this week). It’s late November and he’s on the phone with his parents. He tells them that he won’t be able to make it to thanksgiving since he’s too busy. They are sad but things get worse when he then says that he probably won’t make Christmas either. He shrugs it off and heads out for the night. He returns home and passes out. As he does we hear sleigh bells.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Case For Causality

*Sorry about the mix up everyone! Hopefully won’t happen again

Been holding off on this one for a long time now. Tigs gave me this gem and we talked about a potential trilogy.

The Case for Causality

We open on flashes of hospital laboratory imagery. A woman screams. A child yells. Security runs through a hall. A man wakes up to a fright in bed as his the alarm in the dream syncs up with the alarm in his bedroom. He looks at the alarm and sees a bluish outline of himself setting the alarm and putting it back down. He rubs his eyes looking like he has a headache. Around the room we see an outline of him, closing the door, shutting off the light folding clothes. He shuts his eyes hard and takes several deep breaths. He opens his eyes slowly and the visions are gone. This is Arthur.

He’s dressed and heads downstairs in his apartment building and by the entrance is a frosted glass door that reads “Causality Investigations.” There is a montage of clients that illustrates his ability. He can see how things happened. How something broke, where something came from. He can’t see back that far just the thing that immediately caused it. He doesn’t get a ton of detail, such as faces unless its of the person involved.

The last person of the montage comes to the door and complains about their noisy neighbor who they think is a murderer. Arthur laughs and asks his neighbor Nora if she wants some coffee. They chat about his work and her day. We get the sense that she’s the closest thing he has to a friend. He heads out for the day and we see this is stressful for him suppressing his vision. He bumps into someone who spills coffee on him. The hot coffee pain distracts him and his power goes off. One of the things he sees though is a man with a torn shirt. He sees that this shirt was torn as the man was committing a murder.

He brushes off the apologetic coffee carrier and goes to follow the man. He tails him trying to get other impressions off him. The man flashes a wad of cash and he sees a vision of the money being handing to him by a shady figure in a suit along with a large envelope. He follows him for a day. He sees him going about his business and stopping by a social club. Arthur is stopped by two plain-clothes police officers who bring him in. They question him about why he’s hanging about the social club. He learns the police are investigating the men there. He tries to explain to them who he is and his ability.

They hand him over to an old cop, close to retiring, named Polanski. Arthur demonstrates his ability to Polanski who doesn’t want to understand it but agrees to follow Arthur’s leads with him. Arthur tries to see if any of the other men at the club were the ones that paid the murderer. He sees all sorts of crimes but none of them match the buyer. They trail him some more getting into a few skirmishes, both of them learning they are adept fighters. Polanski a bit more of a brawler, Arthur is a bit more finesse fighter.

They track the case further as Arthur discovers the man who paid for the hit was the mayor. They are attacked by some cops and taken hostage. They are questioned. Arthur’s ability allows him to also find weak points in things, like if you injured an ankle, or the weak leg of a table, because he see’s how it happened. Arthur gets the two of them free only to discover that Polanski has been fired and the word came down from high up.

They work the case anyway and discover the victim was a pregnant woman the mayor was cheating on his wife with. They break the case open and expose the mayor. Polanski is given his pension and Arthur gets some big press and his PI business flourishes. We end in his office as Arthur speaks with Nora. We follow her up to her apartment and see an old uniform with the insignia of the lab from Arthur’s visions.

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Wizard War

This ones a little late but I’ve skipped too many weeks in a row and needed to get something out.

Wizard War

This is an animated movie that would have come out in the early 80s. Think Ralph Bakshi, Frank Frazetta, basically the art style of an airbrushed wizard on a van.

There is voice over during the prologue which sets up the world. Pretty much the entire prologue is static paintings to save money. The narrator talks about how the ancients discovered magic. The ancients lived in symbiosis with magic, listening to the power as well as using it. The peace was not to last. What became known as wizards began to bend magic to serve their own purposes. They corrupted it and splintered magic’s pure essence. So too were the wizards corrupted. Power above all else became their purpose leading to much bloodshed. The war raged on for decades, ending in a precarious truce.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Home

The new season of Degrassi is out! Got this one done first.

The Home

Big Band music plays over black and white images depicting life in the 50s. There clips of teenagers dancing and having fun. There is a hard cut to a group of old people in staring at a TV set. No one is moving and it seems like a still picture except for the changing light from the TV. The shot changes to the TV and the show ’60 Minutes’ begins. An orderly walks over and shuts of the TV.

The old people are livid. A fit man in his 70s (Cyrus) stands up to put the TV back on but the orderly tells him to sit down and that there is a change of plans for tonight. An overweight man in his late 80s starts to mutter to himself “I can’t miss 60 Minutes… I can’t miss …”. A woman (Rose) puts her hand on the man’s shoulders and says “You know how much Fred needs his routine. He hasn’t missed an episode in years!” The orderly shrugs and puts a VHS copy of West Side Story into the VCR and says “We wanted to treat all of you with one of your favorite movies… and ice cream!” At that other workers bring in a cart of ice cream.
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Fake Movie Friday vol 2: Deep Blue

Waiting to go dancing again tonight, but was able to finish this up first.

Deep Blue

It’s a 1997 news report. 90s style graphics show the title “man vs machine.” The anchor talks about how its game six in a chess match between the best human chess player in the world and a computer.

The credit sequence shows computer code and archival footage of chess matches.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol2: Black Monday

Just under the wire. I watched the new Alien movie right after work so I got to it late.

Black Monday

It’s 1987. A man stands by an open window. The Manhattan skyline can be seen from this 50th floor office. The man (Timothy) is wearing a Wall Street suit.

We flash back in time. Timothy is sitting behind a computer and his supervisor is standing over his shoulder. “Jesus Christ, that number isn’t real is it,” she says. Timothy is stone face. “… I … I think it is.” “Jesus Christ. We have to stop this.” “It’s all automated… I…” “Fucking unplug it.” “There’s a supercomputer down the hall….” “Shut it all down. Shut down the power to this floor.”
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Roswell

I’m on call this week so I don’t have any excuse to not write a fake movie. This was a fun one to write.


Titles say ‘June 21 1947’
They fade out and are replaced by the text, ‘Washington’

Harold Dahl sees six UFOs in the sky.
The next day there is a knock at his door. He opens it revealing two men in black suits.

‘June 24 1947

Kenneth Arnold sees a UFO on his daily nature walk.

‘June 14 1947
New Mexico’
William Brazel is riding a horse. In the distance he sees a UFO crash land.
He rids off to investigate. As he approaches the crash site his horse is spooked and bucks him off. In a daze he stumbles further towards the wreckage. Something grabs him and he screams
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Movie Movie Podcast #43: The is the Pussy Riot of Steel: The Story of Wikileaks

Will we get to heaven? I kind of doubt it. Well Alex might, but that’s only because of the amount of shit he puts up with from us. The other three of us, no chance. No chance at all. Don’t worry though, Pete, Russ and I will keep podcasting through the end of times, I can guarantee you that. What else are we gonna do? Join Russ, Alex (for now), Pete and myself as we wax theological with This is the End, rebel against Putin with Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer, listen to Alex talk about We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks, and bitch bitch bitch about Man of Steel. Recorded on June 19th 2013.

Fake Movie Friday: Bless Their Hearts

Hey all. Writing this on Thursday because I will have no time tomorrow. I bet you are wondering what it feels like to be the last man standing, the only one to not skip a week. It feels lonely. Like to say a huge congrats to Tigs and Russ for all the amazing work they did inspiring me each week. I won’t be stopping any time soon. Someone at work said this today and I’ve decided it is based on book one of a young adult series.

Bless Their Hearts

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Fake Movie Sabbatical

I can say that I’ve thought about some movies and I even got a bunch of suggestions from Colm today:
Drummer Boi (wrote part of it. I didn’t think I should keep writing)
The Elegant Elephant (this almost became tonight’s ghost and darkness rip off)
Tip Tow
The Hallway
The Creeping
The Unhinged
Down the Creak
Fed Up

But I’m still insanely sick, over tired, in Chicago and pissed off at the Knicks. So I’m taking this week off. The crown is yours, Pete. Wear it well.