Filed under Uncategorized

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Year Long Drought

Oh wow! I made it to a year again. I think I’ll be taking a break for a little while but Fake Movie Friday will return at some point(Possibly next week if I get a suggestion at the 8th anniversary of Pig Pile). Title from Tigs of course and I think it’s pretty apt for the year.

Year Long Drought

We hear the tell tale sounds of sex and fade a couple in bed in a lavish room. The woman reaches over for something and the man asks if he could have one. She tells him she doesn’t smoke and we see her with a small notebook. She begins interviewing him saying this was fun but she really needs to finish the story. She asks him again about his meteoric rise in the literary world and asks him now that the tour is ending for his book what is he writing. He seems a bit weird in his answer and brushes it off. She then asks about the rumors that the very dark story is based on his own experiences and history. He tells her to get out of his hotel room.

Continue reading

Tagged ,

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Wizard War

This ones a little late but I’ve skipped too many weeks in a row and needed to get something out.

Wizard War

This is an animated movie that would have come out in the early 80s. Think Ralph Bakshi, Frank Frazetta, basically the art style of an airbrushed wizard on a van.

There is voice over during the prologue which sets up the world. Pretty much the entire prologue is static paintings to save money. The narrator talks about how the ancients discovered magic. The ancients lived in symbiosis with magic, listening to the power as well as using it. The peace was not to last. What became known as wizards began to bend magic to serve their own purposes. They corrupted it and splintered magic’s pure essence. So too were the wizards corrupted. Power above all else became their purpose leading to much bloodshed. The war raged on for decades, ending in a precarious truce.
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Home

The new season of Degrassi is out! Got this one done first.

The Home

Big Band music plays over black and white images depicting life in the 50s. There clips of teenagers dancing and having fun. There is a hard cut to a group of old people in staring at a TV set. No one is moving and it seems like a still picture except for the changing light from the TV. The shot changes to the TV and the show ’60 Minutes’ begins. An orderly walks over and shuts of the TV.

The old people are livid. A fit man in his 70s (Cyrus) stands up to put the TV back on but the orderly tells him to sit down and that there is a change of plans for tonight. An overweight man in his late 80s starts to mutter to himself “I can’t miss 60 Minutes… I can’t miss …”. A woman (Rose) puts her hand on the man’s shoulders and says “You know how much Fred needs his routine. He hasn’t missed an episode in years!” The orderly shrugs and puts a VHS copy of West Side Story into the VCR and says “We wanted to treat all of you with one of your favorite movies… and ice cream!” At that other workers bring in a cart of ice cream.
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday vol 2: Deep Blue

Waiting to go dancing again tonight, but was able to finish this up first.

Deep Blue

It’s a 1997 news report. 90s style graphics show the title “man vs machine.” The anchor talks about how its game six in a chess match between the best human chess player in the world and a computer.

The credit sequence shows computer code and archival footage of chess matches.
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday Vol2: Black Monday

Just under the wire. I watched the new Alien movie right after work so I got to it late.

Black Monday

It’s 1987. A man stands by an open window. The Manhattan skyline can be seen from this 50th floor office. The man (Timothy) is wearing a Wall Street suit.

We flash back in time. Timothy is sitting behind a computer and his supervisor is standing over his shoulder. “Jesus Christ, that number isn’t real is it,” she says. Timothy is stone face. “… I … I think it is.” “Jesus Christ. We have to stop this.” “It’s all automated… I…” “Fucking unplug it.” “There’s a supercomputer down the hall….” “Shut it all down. Shut down the power to this floor.”
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Roswell

I’m on call this week so I don’t have any excuse to not write a fake movie. This was a fun one to write.

Roswell

Titles say ‘June 21 1947’
They fade out and are replaced by the text, ‘Washington’

Harold Dahl sees six UFOs in the sky.
The next day there is a knock at his door. He opens it revealing two men in black suits.

‘June 24 1947
Washington’

Kenneth Arnold sees a UFO on his daily nature walk.

‘June 14 1947
New Mexico’
William Brazel is riding a horse. In the distance he sees a UFO crash land.
He rids off to investigate. As he approaches the crash site his horse is spooked and bucks him off. In a daze he stumbles further towards the wreckage. Something grabs him and he screams
Continue reading

Movie Movie Podcast #43: The is the Pussy Riot of Steel: The Story of Wikileaks

Will we get to heaven? I kind of doubt it. Well Alex might, but that’s only because of the amount of shit he puts up with from us. The other three of us, no chance. No chance at all. Don’t worry though, Pete, Russ and I will keep podcasting through the end of times, I can guarantee you that. What else are we gonna do? Join Russ, Alex (for now), Pete and myself as we wax theological with This is the End, rebel against Putin with Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer, listen to Alex talk about We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks, and bitch bitch bitch about Man of Steel. Recorded on June 19th 2013.

Fake Movie Friday: Bless Their Hearts

Hey all. Writing this on Thursday because I will have no time tomorrow. I bet you are wondering what it feels like to be the last man standing, the only one to not skip a week. It feels lonely. Like to say a huge congrats to Tigs and Russ for all the amazing work they did inspiring me each week. I won’t be stopping any time soon. Someone at work said this today and I’ve decided it is based on book one of a young adult series.

Bless Their Hearts

Continue reading

Fake Movie Sabbatical

I can say that I’ve thought about some movies and I even got a bunch of suggestions from Colm today:
Drummer Boi (wrote part of it. I didn’t think I should keep writing)
The Elegant Elephant (this almost became tonight’s ghost and darkness rip off)
Tip Tow
The Hallway
The Creeping
The Unhinged
Down the Creak
Fed Up
FBEyewitness

But I’m still insanely sick, over tired, in Chicago and pissed off at the Knicks. So I’m taking this week off. The crown is yours, Pete. Wear it well.

Filth Teaser Trailer NSFW

This wasn’t on my radar at all, but it is now. James McAvoy as a Bad Lieutenant type cop, sign me up. From browsing the comments from different places, apparently the book it is based on features a talking tape worm. Not sure if this movie will get that crazy, but it looks interesting regardless. Oh, and did I mention this trailer is not safe for work?

Tagged ,