Filed under Uncategorized

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Home

The new season of Degrassi is out! Got this one done first.

The Home

Big Band music plays over black and white images depicting life in the 50s. There clips of teenagers dancing and having fun. There is a hard cut to a group of old people in staring at a TV set. No one is moving and it seems like a still picture except for the changing light from the TV. The shot changes to the TV and the show ’60 Minutes’ begins. An orderly walks over and shuts of the TV.

The old people are livid. A fit man in his 70s (Cyrus) stands up to put the TV back on but the orderly tells him to sit down and that there is a change of plans for tonight. An overweight man in his late 80s starts to mutter to himself “I can’t miss 60 Minutes… I can’t miss …”. A woman (Rose) puts her hand on the man’s shoulders and says “You know how much Fred needs his routine. He hasn’t missed an episode in years!” The orderly shrugs and puts a VHS copy of West Side Story into the VCR and says “We wanted to treat all of you with one of your favorite movies… and ice cream!” At that other workers bring in a cart of ice cream.
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday vol 2: Deep Blue

Waiting to go dancing again tonight, but was able to finish this up first.

Deep Blue

It’s a 1997 news report. 90s style graphics show the title “man vs machine.” The anchor talks about how its game six in a chess match between the best human chess player in the world and a computer.

The credit sequence shows computer code and archival footage of chess matches.
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday Vol2: Black Monday

Just under the wire. I watched the new Alien movie right after work so I got to it late.

Black Monday

It’s 1987. A man stands by an open window. The Manhattan skyline can be seen from this 50th floor office. The man (Timothy) is wearing a Wall Street suit.

We flash back in time. Timothy is sitting behind a computer and his supervisor is standing over his shoulder. “Jesus Christ, that number isn’t real is it,” she says. Timothy is stone face. “… I … I think it is.” “Jesus Christ. We have to stop this.” “It’s all automated… I…” “Fucking unplug it.” “There’s a supercomputer down the hall….” “Shut it all down. Shut down the power to this floor.”
Continue reading

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Roswell

I’m on call this week so I don’t have any excuse to not write a fake movie. This was a fun one to write.

Roswell

Titles say ‘June 21 1947’
They fade out and are replaced by the text, ‘Washington’

Harold Dahl sees six UFOs in the sky.
The next day there is a knock at his door. He opens it revealing two men in black suits.

‘June 24 1947
Washington’

Kenneth Arnold sees a UFO on his daily nature walk.

‘June 14 1947
New Mexico’
William Brazel is riding a horse. In the distance he sees a UFO crash land.
He rids off to investigate. As he approaches the crash site his horse is spooked and bucks him off. In a daze he stumbles further towards the wreckage. Something grabs him and he screams
Continue reading

Movie Movie Podcast #43: The is the Pussy Riot of Steel: The Story of Wikileaks

Will we get to heaven? I kind of doubt it. Well Alex might, but that’s only because of the amount of shit he puts up with from us. The other three of us, no chance. No chance at all. Don’t worry though, Pete, Russ and I will keep podcasting through the end of times, I can guarantee you that. What else are we gonna do? Join Russ, Alex (for now), Pete and myself as we wax theological with This is the End, rebel against Putin with Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer, listen to Alex talk about We Steal Secrets: The Story of Wikileaks, and bitch bitch bitch about Man of Steel. Recorded on June 19th 2013.

Fake Movie Friday: Bless Their Hearts

Hey all. Writing this on Thursday because I will have no time tomorrow. I bet you are wondering what it feels like to be the last man standing, the only one to not skip a week. It feels lonely. Like to say a huge congrats to Tigs and Russ for all the amazing work they did inspiring me each week. I won’t be stopping any time soon. Someone at work said this today and I’ve decided it is based on book one of a young adult series.

Bless Their Hearts

Continue reading

Fake Movie Sabbatical

I can say that I’ve thought about some movies and I even got a bunch of suggestions from Colm today:
Drummer Boi (wrote part of it. I didn’t think I should keep writing)
The Elegant Elephant (this almost became tonight’s ghost and darkness rip off)
Tip Tow
The Hallway
The Creeping
The Unhinged
Down the Creak
Fed Up
FBEyewitness

But I’m still insanely sick, over tired, in Chicago and pissed off at the Knicks. So I’m taking this week off. The crown is yours, Pete. Wear it well.

Filth Teaser Trailer NSFW

This wasn’t on my radar at all, but it is now. James McAvoy as a Bad Lieutenant type cop, sign me up. From browsing the comments from different places, apparently the book it is based on features a talking tape worm. Not sure if this movie will get that crazy, but it looks interesting regardless. Oh, and did I mention this trailer is not safe for work?

Tagged ,

James Wan in talks to direct Final Furious

Image-5-James-Wan

There had previously been talk that either Jeff Wadlow (Kick-Ass 2), Brad Furman (The Lincoln Lawyer), or Harald Zwart (The Karate Kid) would helm the seventh Fast and Furious movie (which I will only be referring to as Final Furious), but it looks like James Wan is now the front runner. I wasn’t interested in any of the previous directors, so I would be more than ok with James Wan. Wan has a great track record with horror and his revenge movie Death Sentence is well regarded, so I’d be interested to see what he could do with an action movie. Let’s not forget that Justin Lin wasn’t an action guy before he got into the Fast and Furious business either. James Wan is definitely the most interesting choice so far.

Via Slash Film

Tagged , ,

Fake Movie Friday: Philip Gets Better

Don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… don’t turn this into Bioshock: Infinite… This is going to be very short, because if I think too much or take too long, it will become Bioshock: Infinite. Colm’s title suggestion this week:

Philip Gets Better

 

Philip has been in a mental institution for a long time. He’s been claiming aliens have been contacting him , they can read his thoughts and know exactly what he’s doing. He also claims that he can hear what they’re doing as well and has been trying to warn everyone about an invasion.

We show scenes of Philip before being in an institution and he would be standing on the street with signs of warning letting everyone know what’s being shared with him. No one believes him obviously and soon he resorts to vandalism and even more serious crimes like arson to try and get everyone’s attention. This is what ultimately puts him in the institution. He claims to know the date, which is supposed to happen during the trial, but nothing happens on that day. He says the aliens know he told and are planning a later date now.

Even in the institution he is still holding fast to his beliefs, and even while heavily medicated he is still spouting the same stuff. He’s even warning about a new date, a date which this time the aliens actually arrive on and wage a war.

Philip is let out and asked to help with the war. He is brought up to speed on the worlds plan. Of course the aliens can hear and see all of this and everything is thwarted. Humanity falls, most are taken as prisoner, and only a few survive in bunkers and this new alien race takes over.

Philip has been captured by the aliens and is brought to the ruler. He asks why he was brought there and the ruler says something like “you don’t remember?” The ruler rips off Philips skin and reveals him to be a alien as well, some high ranking general. He is horrified and the ruler says something like, “we left you here too long brother, you are beginning to act and GASP think like them.” Philip says “maybe I have” and proceeds to punch through the head of the ruler, steals his side arm and primary weapon and takes down all of the forces around him. He lets the captive humans out that are there and then they all take up arms and start the war to take back earth… I guess.

The end?

Phew, it was only a little bioshocky. It originally was far closer

Tagged ,