Welcome to another installment of Fake Movie Friday. A special day in which we make up a bunch of shitty films. The worst part about them though, is that you can almost picture them being real. Which is the sad sad state of movies.
I’m Peter and this is
Death Checks In
We open outside a college bar. We see kids puking out back and girls yelling about their sorority. As a couple of young nerds fight with the bouncer about their IDs not being fake we see a super hot girl walking up. Everyone stops to watch her. The bouncer shoves the boys aside and she is let right in.
Inside there are friends waiting for her already with a drink. Her friends include a slutty girl and her horny boyfriend (You know, even though they are in a relationship, she still comes off as slutty and he still comes off as constantly horny. Horror movies love these characters), a quiet girl and a nice looking dude that clearly likes the quiet girl. They make mention of her ex possibly being there. She takes out her phone checks in on foursquare and sees he is indeed there. Looking through the list of check-ins she also see’s DEATH has checked into the bar. She shares this with her friends and they laugh about it. She excuses herself to the bathroom. While peeing there is a ton of banging on the door. She gets all bitchy and upon coming outside is dragged outside through a side door. We hear the struggle and blood seeping under the door.
The tired looking local sheriff played by the dad from ‘Twilight’ has been interviewing the four friends and he really grills the quiet girl who is now our main character played by Emma Roberts. She seems really scared but says little to the cop. Outside the police station she mentions Death checking in to the others, but they laugh it off. They see the hot girl’s ex being brought in and they all say how they think he did it.
The next day at school, the quiet girl is in the library working on a paper. She keeps wanting to check foursquare but is clearly scared. She decides to not check it, but overhears two others joking about how Death checked into the library. She runs out scared and into the stairwell and finds the dead body of the weird librarian who stared at her or something before. She screams and runs out and into her dead friends ex-boyfriend played by Chad Michael Murray. He tries to calm her down but it’s clear she thinks he’s the killer. The nice guy from the beginning played by someone from ‘Supernatural’, not important which one, has a small scuffle with CMM and takes her away.
The story of the foursquare killer sweeps the campus. Everyone joins up because they are afraid and interested. Twi-dad wants to shut it down on. There’s a big party coming up and Emma Robert’s friends convince her to go. Everyone checks in as they get to the party. The slutty girl and her boyfriend go into a room to have sex. We see her breasts for no real reason. He stops and says he’s going to check-in to her butt. He checks his phone and Death has already checked-in to her butt. The killer comes out of the closet and murders them both.
Emma Roberts almost kisses the nice dude played by one of the ‘Supernatural’ guys but gets weird and goes off to find slutty and horny. She passes CMM on the stairs and finds their dead bodies in the room. The party clears out and she runs off towards her dorm. She passes by a cop car and tries to get their attention, but inside is Twi-dad dead with a phone next to him that says Death checked-in to ‘The Pork Wagon.’
She runs home to find CMM in her dorm but he falls over dead. In through the door the Supernatural guy comes in and holds the scared Emma Roberts. Her phone beeps and tells her that Death checked-in to her dorm and room number! The Supernatural guy goes on to explain that he has been around all these people for years and that they all ignored him. He was always just a hanger on. This of course, all comes out of nowhere. There’s a chase scene and they get to the roof, cause the dumb girl went there because that’s how you escape people. Supernatural takes out his phone and Death checks-in to the roof. He attacks but falls off. She picks up his phone and checks Death in to the ground.
Or is it?
Maybe he had an angry brother or a crazy mom? There’s a million ways to make a shitty sequel to this.
Almost as good as FearDotCom.com. About time we got a fake horror movie, I like it.
“He stops and says he’s going to check-in to her butt. He checks his phone and Death has already checked-in to her butt.” I actually had to leave my office laughing at this.