I’m writing this in a starbucks while I have a free 30 mins between visits, so I apologize if it’s dumb as shit:
No Chance In Hell
No Chance In Hell is a teen comedy with a dash of fantasy added in. It’s primarily for teenagers to see on a date. It’s toothless and lame.
Michael Angarano stars as Kevin Lewis, your typical 00’s nerd, meaning he’s not a nerd, just not popular. Megan Fox stars as Kendra Hamilton, the super popular bitchy girl who way back when was friends with Kevin. They kissed Freshman year and shortly after that she started dating a complete prick Senior named Austin Rogers, captain of the Lacrosse team at McKinley Regional HS. He is played by Tyler Hoechlin.
Anyway the movie starts off like all these movies do. Kevin is in class getting shit thrown on him by popular kids and he hates it. He puts his hoodie on and goes to the back of the class. The teacher doesn’t see any of it. Minutes later Kendra walks in to slowmotion with several minions (of multiple races) walking in behind her. Even the teacher stands at attention when Kendra enters the room. Zoey, Kevin’s similarly geeky but not geeky girl bff played by Selena Gomez, mentions that the minute Kendra enters a room everyones IQ drops. Kevin defends Kendra saying she doesn’t know him like she does. Anyway, Kevin apparently always waxes poetic about the time they kissed freshman year, and how he’s going to get her back.
After a few more scenes that show the contrast in popularity between Kendra and Kevin, and also how effing stupid ultra-jock Austin is, Kevin in a state of utter idiocy and drunk and the typical party scene asks Kendra if she would go to Prom with him. She at first looks at him seriously and then he thinks he’s got a shot, but then she bursts out laughing and says she would never in a million years. He isn’t popular, he’s a nobody blah blah and he’s got NO CHANCE IN HELL with him. Everyone starts laughing and Kevin runs away. Zoey runs after him, but can’t keep up with him.
Kevin ends up running away to some nearby creek, and says he wishes his was popular before throwing a rock into the creek. Out of nowhere a mysterious, but attractive looking woman wearing all red, tells him that she can make him popular overnight. She is named Demona and is played by Drew Barrymore (in scene chewing mode). He says there’s no way, but he’d give anything. She says how about your soul? And he says sure whatever, anything, and she tells him to come here, and kisses him. It’s an awesome kiss or whatever, and she gives him her number and says she’ll see him soon. He goes home feeling slightly vindicated that he met a cool older woman.
The next morning he goes to school and the next thing he knows he gets caught in a slow motion hallway, meaning everyone is transfixed on him and he starts realizing everyone is looking at him with awe and admiration. Except Zoey. He goes over to her to say hi, and she gets really defensive, he asks her whats wrong and she mentions that he’s treated her like shit for the last 3 years and he’s not going to do it for another year (the time of year bounces around like all teen comedies. beginning of the year, middle, and prom will all happen in one week). Kevin walks down the hall and sees Kendra getting laughed at and wearing glasses. She’s not nearly as cool as she used to be and Austin makes fun of her. Basically the world has been turned on it’s head.
Kevin takes this opportunity to try and start dating Kendra since the tables are turned, but now she views Kevin as a popular dick and would want nothing to do with him. Kevin realizes he still can’t have the girl he wants, but since he’s popular he still lives it up and dates all these vacuous bimbos for like 20 mins of the movie. His favorite teacher Mr. Wilson, played by Luke Wilson (not creative I know), who has been in the movie the whole time, but hasn’t spoken, says that Kevin has changed. He used to care about real stuff, but ever since Freshman year he’s cared more about being popular than being himself or whatever. Scenes with Kendra show that in this alternative world Kendra became the girl she used to be or whatever. Austin is still a hilarious scene stealing dick.
Anyway Kevin decides to tell find Zoey and tell her that he wasn’t always a jerk, he used to be a good guy, her best friend even. She refuses to believe it. He then mentions that he made a deal with a woman to become popular and then he woke up and his life changed, but now he wants it to go back to normal. Demona resurfaces and says that the deal is binding, he put his soul up as collateral. Zoey now knows it’s true and for whatever reason she is knows about about devily weird shit and finds a book that can help him figure out a way out of his deal. According to some big old dusty book, the only way to reverse the deal is to kiss his true love. Now Zoey, somewhat believing the situation decides to help him to get with Kendra, so everything can go back to normal. Demona, says that it will never happen, but good luck and laughs herself into disappearing.
The next 20 mins Zoey and Kevin keep trying to get Kendra and him together, but the Demona keeps getting in the way and making obstacles for Kevin. Kendra is still not interested. I didn’t say it earlier, but if he doesn’t kiss his true love by midnight of Prom, the curse will remain. SO ITS PROM NOW. Kendra eventually relents and goes to prom with him. Zoey is happy, but also a little sad. Kendra and Kevin have a really nice time, but as time wears on, he realizes she’s not really the one for him. Before prom is over, Kevin runs away because he realizes he wasted so much time trying for Kendra, that he never found his true love. Zoey finds him at the creek and after a lame conversation, he realizes that it was Zoey all along who was there for him. They kiss right before midnight and everything goes back to normal.
At graduation we see that Kevin and Zoey are together and happy, Kendra and Austin are back together, and still as bitchy as ever, and that Demona is looking for another poor sucker’s soul to steal. It’s like a funny ending or whatever seeing this not really evil demon lady and then it’s over.
It’s dumb and i’m sorry for that.