People love stories of white people becoming members of native societies (Avatar, Dances with Wolves, Ferngully etc) and learning some valuable lessons, this fake movie is pretty much that, with an added twist taken from a certain disappointing recent animated movie. Enjoy:
The White Wolf
We open with some establishing shots of a Jungle. We cut to a bumbling character. He is wearing a pith helmet and looking very out of place. He is scared and is making way too much noise. In what is supposed to be a tension filled scene, we see a panther slowly stalk the character. The panther lunges at him and we hear a gunshot go off. Emerging from the wilderness dramatically is a hunter. The camera cuts to the dead panther, then cuts to the opening credits.
We cut to a close up of the same panther, but it is stuffed, the camera pulls out and we see a huge room filled with taxidermied big game. The hunter sits on a throne of ivory looking bored. His name is Viggo. The bumbling character walks in carrying tea, his name is Woodrow. Woodrow places the tea in front of Viggo and goes to examine the stuffed panther.
Woodrow “A fine trophy sir, but maybe next time don’t let it get so close to me…”
Viggo “Eh, it was easy. I’ve hunted every type of game there is and nothing has been a challenge. I need something new, something no one has been able to hunt before”
Woodrow “You don’t mean… *gulp* .. people”
Viggo “No you idiot! I mean something so rare that people don’t even think it exists”
Woodrow “What, like bigfoot or something”
Viggo “Or something, find me all the information there is about rare animal sightings”
In a montage Viggo does research to figure out what animal he wants to hunt. He finally finds what he is looking for.
Viggo and Woodrow are on a plane and they have a long expositional conversation. Viggo is going to a small Scottish village to hunt the “pale wolf”. Legend has it that there is an enormous albino wolf living in the countryside. There are supernatural stories about men turning into the wolf.
When they land there is the obligatory scene of Viggo and Woodrow going to stay in a bed and breakfast and the townspeople warning them to stay away from the pale wolf because it will change them. Of course they don’t listen and they set out to find the animal.
Viggo tracks a wolf pack across the countryside with Woodrow tailing. Viggo thinks that the pack is just over the hill in front of them and tells Woodrow to stand back. Viggo approaches slowly and looks down to see the pale wolf in the middle of a pack. He freezes and the wolf begins to approach him. He raises his gun and takes aim when some supernatural stuff starts to happen.
Suddenly he isn’t looking through the scope of his gun, but he is looking at himself. He is confused and looks around at the wolves that are right next to him, then he looks down and sees that he has become the white wolf. In a silly twist, instead of being some type of werewolf (as we were meant to think), people literally become the wolf.
Viggo, as the wolf, approaches his frozen human body. he brings his paws up to poke it when Woodrow runs over the ridge shooting his gun. Startled, Viggo accidently slashes his human bodies arm and runs off.
Viggo is scared and runs off into a forest. He doesn’t know what to do so he lies down to sleep. When he wakes up he is surrounded by the rest of his pack. He is scared at first, but eventually he calms down. As you can imagine, now that he is an animal he will learn some lessons.
He learns the beauty of nature and that hunting should only be about nourishment. After an annoying amount of time, eventually the plot kicks back in. Woodrow has formed a posse to kill the pale wolf, the wolf he thinks slashed his master and put him in a coma. Viggo is now the one being hunted.
He escapes but now he is desperate. He figures that the only way things could possibly get back to normal is if he can get close to his human body. This starts a long chase scene of Viggo as the wolf runs into town causing chaos with Woodrow not far behind.
Viggo is able to break into the hospital and finds his human body. He crawls next to it just as Woodrow bursts through the door. He is about to shoot when Viggo’s human body wakes up and yells stop. In some supernatural event whose rules are never explained, Viggo is back in his human body. In a sappy speech Viggo convinces everyone to let the wolf leave the town peacefully.
Woodrow “But sir, that wolf almost killed you”
Viggo “No, on the contrary, he gave me my life back”
In the epilogue Viggo uses his great wealth and privilege to help the environment.