I’ve been at home nursing a foot injury for a few days and have maybe said 10 words out loud in the past 5 days. Let’s see if that translates well to paper. Title from Tigs of course.
Damsels Without Distress
We open with a knight getting sent out by a king. It’s a fancy ceremony naming him a hero of the realm and such. We see a montage of him suiting up and mounting a beautiful horse. He rides out into the forest. The trees and terrain start to get darker and scarier. He fights some beasts, real and fantastic, as he travels. He approaches a dark tower and makes a speech about saving the princesses. He is quickly killed. We cut to the top of the tower where 4 women sit in a cell. One shouts out the window “Great job asshole!”
The four women of varied backgrounds are hanging out. They are being held captive by a warlock. They are really vulgar and crass. The warlock who is clearly evil is actually a bit put off by them because of how rude they are to him. He’s actually a bit fragile and wants them to fear him and isn’t taking it well.
We see a repeat of the beginning of the film but much quicker. This dude also dies. The women though pay no attention to this one as they are planning an escape. They have typical action movie caper roles, bruiser, gymnast, demolition, and leader. They take out henchmen stealthily. They attack the warlock who cries loudly.
The four start traveling back to the kingdom after picking up different gear from the fallen knights. They arrive back at the kingdom and are welcomed lukewarmly. Everyone is confused about how they got out and keep asking which man helped them. They try to tell their story and are constantly interrupted. The court wants to have a victory celebration about how they rescued the princesses and they get annoyed and just leave.
They realize that the warlock’s things are still in his tower and decide to just live there and become powerful warlocks themselves. The film ends with them powered up attacking the kingdom and kidnapping knights.
Over the credits there is a scene in the court discussing who will go save the knights. They are all hesitant and the characters play a bit homophobic. One says maybe he could go and the court starts looking at him weird and saying if that’s what he’s into. He says he’s not into it and backs down.