Ladies and Gentlemen, I can finally say this after 2 long years of not writing these, and 2 long weeks of writing them:
This week’s title was suggested by Tigs.
It just feels right. This movie is based on the pattern of if we have enough young people movies an old person version will come next (Space Cowboys, Last Vegas, Dirty Grandpa).
We open in a bar. A bunch of flashy youths are doing shots and all sorts of shenanigans. There’s a hotly contested arm wrestling match, really good dart games, and crazy pinball scores with people hardly even looking. Everything seems too good. A women yells, louder than normal, and everyone turns to the TV. A news story recounts an attack in some city and the bar clears out real fast. The news story changes as now a seemingly similar group of young heroes fight the threat. We pan around to the old bartender Dale, played by Robert Redford (78), looking gruff and annoyed. He sighs and starts to clean.We jump ahead in time a bit as he is now finishing up cleaning. He hears the news story change to about how the job is done as they interview a young hero named Captain Cool, played by Dave Franco. He seems to be revered as the strongest hero. He flirts with the hot reporter and says that the day is saved and they are off with more good work to do. Gus, hearing this, steps behind the bar and seems to steady himself. In a flash these heroes are back to partying. Dave Franco gives Gus a bit of an attitude. We see a tight shot of Gus’ fist as he clenches and it’s actually pretty loud. He calms down and just serves them.
We jump forward as Dale is heading into an inconspicuous tailor shop named Bert’s. Inside a dapper looking Bert, played by Ted Danson (67), is handing a box to a young woman, played by Emma Roberts, who we also saw at the bar. She thanks him for fixing her dress, but she says it weird and winks at him. She leaves saying little to Dale. The two old men talk about how the new heroes don’t respect the older ones. How Dale hides his powers from the kids who don’t even remember him. Dale counters to Bert that he has a great deal more talent than just tailoring super hero costumes. He abilities go far beyond understanding suit technology. They joke about how they are too old for this stuff anyway.
We cut to the ratty looking hideout of the young villains. They are pickering over leadership. In walks a older looking man with his face hidden. He takes out an oncoming attacker with ease and the group is in awe of his power. He reveals himself to be Destructro, Liam Neeson (62), an old villain long thought dead. He tells them there is a better way of doing things.
The villains attack another city and when the young go off to fight. This time it’s a a trap and a few are killed and others are hurt. They return to the bar to regroup. Captain Cool seems really scared and says they should run. This angers Dale who speaks up. Captain Cool laughs at him and gives him shit. Dale angers him further saying he’s no hero and deftly takes him down. The others are shocked and some run. Lady Justice, Emma Roberts, and a few others stick around. The look to Dale for help.
Dale gets together a couple older heroes. Along with Ted Danson’s Bert are Kevin Costner, 60, Billy Dee Williams, 79, and Chow Yun Fat, 61. These older heroes crack some fun old jokes. Billy Dee hits on Emma Roberts. They train with the young heroes and fight with them. A lot of CGI of course and they find a way to stop Destructo’s plan to age the world or something. A few are killed. Emma Roberts thanks them for their help and kisses Dale before leaving . We end on the remaining old group laughing about it and then admitting they are all in so much pain. Oh, and a he can’t probably even get it up joke.