Tag Archives: Dunn

Fake Movie Friday: Paranormal Paralegal

Two Fake Movie Fridays in a row, I haven’t done this in a while… I’m guessing people won’t be posting theirs until much later because I think everyone but me saw The Hobbit at midnight. But I’m not jealous… no not at all… But whatever, check out my fake movie for this week. This would be an animated children’s movie that really should be stop motion, but would end up being CG and probably released by Dreamworks. This one was pretty fun to write, give it a read:

Paranormal Paralegal

We open in a courtroom. A vampire is on the stand. The prosecutor is asking the vampire what he was doing on the night of the 21st. The vampire says he was at home. The prosecutor drags in a TV and plays security footage from that night. We see a figure that resembles the vampire on a screen. the figure throws a brick through a window and then walks into the building. The prosecutor fast forwards the tape and we see the figure emerge from the building with a big bag. “Then how do you explain this footage” the prosecutor asks. The vampire is at a loss for words. “The building you stole from was a medical clinic, and along with some medical equipment, bags of blood were found missing!” There is a gasp from the jurors. “Your witness”.

The defence attorney is a big bro looking dude named Ed voiced by Channing Tatum and next to him sits a small funny looking guy named Neal voiced by Steve Buscemi. The defence attorney starts to ask the vampire questions but he clearly doesn’t care about this at all and isn’t doing a good job. After a sad attempt at a defense, the attorney sits down. The judge asks if that is all, and the attorney is about to say yes when Neal whispers in his ear. The attorney looks annoyed but Neal convinces him to give him a shot. The attorney says that his paralegal has a few questions.

Everyone stares at Neal as he approaches the witness stand. He is dwarfed by everything in the room. He asks if the vampire can explain how he was on the security footage, the vampire can’t but says it wasn’t him and he wishes he could prove it. Neal says that he can, and he plugs a crappy video camera into the TV. He turns the TV toward the jury, and then pans the camera across the room, finally ends pointing toward the vampire. There is a gasp. Neal simply says “a vampire’s image can’t be recorded on video. You were framed” and walks off.

Title card and opening credits. The title sequence consists of random scenes of a city, but there is always a monster somewhere in the frame. In this universe monsters are kinda like mutants in the Marvel universe-there aren’t that many and they are feared and misunderstood.

We cut to a law firm where Ed is talking to a bunch of lawyer bros. He is talking about the case we just saw and how he was so brilliant he got the guy off. But then he says how he doesn’t like monsters at all but this pro bono work will help him become partner. Then he starts telling off color monster jokes. Neal walks silently by them. He walks to his tiny office and gets back to work.

Neal has become something of a celebrity in the monster community. If anyone has legal troubles they will go to him first. He has become an expert in monster lore. We see him defending a Frankenstein’s monster named Frank. Frank was pulled over and harassed by cops, got arrested and had his fingerprints taken. When the prints were run they matched prints from a crime scene years earlier. Neal is able to prove that Frank hadn’t been created at the time of crime, and that Frank’s hand had belonged to a criminal who was the one who had committed the crime.

Monsters start asking for advice for their general problems. An invisible woman’s invisible husband had disappeared for example. Neal starts to see that a lot of these monster’s problems are related. He begins to think that something sinister is messing with the monster community.

Neil gets a lead and goes to investigate. In a suspenseful scene we see Neal investigating but there is a shadowy figure stalking him. The figure suddenly pounces and knocks him out.

Neil wakes up and his is in a cage. He looks around at what looks like a mad scientists lab. There is a medical equipment that was stolen from the first scene as well as various monsters in cages. It is clear that someone has been doing experiments on them. There is a big golem in the center of the room. It looks as though someone had been using a jackhammer to try to open it up. A figure approaches Neal’s cage, and then walks into the light. The figure says “Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Abraham Van Helsing”.

Van Helsing, voiced by John Malkovich, begins to monologue. He talks about who these monsters aren’t human and they are taking jobs and resources away from real human beings. They are an abomination and he will wipe them all out with Neal’s help. He says that he has been doing experiments to find each monster’s weaknesses with only modest success. But Neal clearly had learned a lot about them with all the time he had spent helping them. Van Helsing wants to know if Neal will help him do God’s work. Neal refuses and Van Helsing leaves in a huff.

Neal desperately tries to escape his cage, but can’t. He finally has an idea. He takes out a piece of paper and manages to scratch “help me escape” on it. He folds it into a paper airplane and aims it at the golem. He throws it and it just barely makes it into the golems mouth. The golem begins to shake, then it walks over to Neal and breaks open his cage. he then punches through the side of the building and Neal runs out. Looking back he sees that he was in a gothic castle.

We cut back to the law firm and Neal bursts through the doors looking disheveled. He goes to Ed and tells him what happens and asks for help. Ed laughs and says that Van Helsing guy seems to have some good ideas. If he needs a lawyer, he should call him.

Neal goes to his office dejected. He has an idea and gives Frank a call. Frank says that of course he would help him, and that they should meet the next night to figure out how they can free the monsters Van Helsing is holding captive. Word starts to spread around that monster community that Neal needs help.

The next day Neal goes to meet Frank, but instead finds a whole mob of monsters. They decide to free the captives by force if necessary and the monsters march towards the castle, torches and pitchforks in hand.

The mob break down the doors of the castle and free the prisoners. They search for Van Helsing. Neal is the one who finds him hiding in a secret compartment. Van Helsing says how Neal has betrayed the human race by fraternizing with the subhumans. He suddenly throws down a smoke bomb taking Neal completely by surprise and runs for the door. It is like he ran into a brick wall as Frank is standing in the doorway. Monsters crowd around his knocked out body. Neal says “This man has hurt us all greatly. I think we can all agree what needs to be done.”

Van Helsing comes to and he finds he is tied to a chair. His vision is blurry and he can’t make out what is happening. Neal walks up to him as his vision clears. “We all knew it had to end like this didn’t we.” Van Helsing looks around him and starts to mutter “no no no no” under his breath as he begins to figure out his situation. It is a quickly thrown together courtroom, Ed is sitting at a makeshift desk and it is clear he is the defense attorney. He looks over to the jury to see 12 monsters and screams “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

The End

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Fake Movie Friday: Elon Musk

I’ve been MIA in these Fake Movie Fridays for too long, so here is mine for this week. I went with a heavily wikipedia researched movie for this week. I really think someone will eventually make a movie like this, Elon Musk is just too much of a badass to not make a movie about him. I mean, Jon Favreau modeled Tony Stark after him. I think the way to make an actual good movie would be to to focus on one part of his life (Tesla Motors) kinda like The Social Network. But this is a Fake Movie Friday, so of course we see him as a kid etc. Hope you enjoy!

Elon Musk

We begin with shots of the African savannah, sunsets and lions etc. This is done just because that’s America’s vision of Africa even though that has no bearing on the story and is a bit insulting. We then cut to a home in Pretoria, South Africa (people seem to forget there are cities in Africa…). A 10 year old boy named Elon Musk is opening a gift from his family. It is the families first computer. The boy is overjoyed and immediately sets it up and starts to play around on it. The camera zooms into the flickering screen and the credits begin. The credits sequence is meant to look like it all being displayed on the flickering computer monitor. ‘C’ code is being written that generates the crews names, we see crude CAD schematic drawing of cars and car components, and we see educational software showing topics such as electricity, early scientists and the history of space travel.

The camera pans back from the screen and a title card indicates that it is two years later. The boy is still at the computer (it is probably the same child actor of continuity’s sake). He is playing a game called Blaster. His younger brother by one year Kimbal asks if he can finally get a turn. Their dad walks over to watch the game over his son’s computer. “Elon, you made this?”. Elon is engrossed in the game and just nods. “What are you going to do with it?” his father asks. Elon replies “Sell it I guess.”

We cut to Musk in college watching a lecture. The professor is talking about Nikola Tesla. She explains that Tesla is not as well know as he should be, that he did more to improve the world than most better known scientists, but because he was so fiercely independent, unconventional and forward thinking that he had been smeared by his rivals. She goes become inspirational and talks about how one man can change the world. Musk is enraptured. He writes down in his notes :

“Important problems that would most affect the future of humanity:
1. The Internet
2. Space
3. Clean energy”

Cut to title card “The Internet 1995”.

It is Elon’s second day of graduate school at Stanford studying applied physics and material science. He is in a physics lecture. It is a huge lecture hall but there are only a handful of students. Elon looks very bored and he puts his head down and starts to sleep. He begins to snore and the other students start to snicker. The professor is annoyed and yells his name. Elon wakes up. The professor says “This is my second lecture and you are already that bored. Do you have something you’d rather be doing?” Elon responds “Yeah, I’m going to build something” and he walks out of the lecture hall.

Elon immediately calls his brother Kimbal and convinces him to help him create his first company. They work together to create Zip2 an internet company (it creates software for content publishing, but it isn’t sexy so the movie keeps it vague).

Cut to title card “The Internet 1999”

Elon has a heart to heart with his brother. He talks about how he is getting bored with the company and he wants to do other things. Kimbal agrees and says that Elon should just do what he did with Blaster and sell the company. The company is bought by Compaq for $307 million.

Elon and Kimbal throw a big party the employees of Zip2. Everyone is wearing tuxes and drinking champagne. The party winds down and Kimbal and Elon, looking disheveled, are sitting in a stairwell sipping champagne. Elon says he can’t believe they are millionaires. Kimbal agrees. Elon starts talking about how he has an idea for a internet finance company but Kimbal stops him. He says that these were the best years of his life but he wasn’t ready to start something right then. The scene is played like a break up. Kimbal agrees to invest in the new company but he won’t help to build it.

Elon starts to build his new company is called X.com. He is obsessed with trying to make it easier for people to transfer money to each other. He draws these big diagrams on whiteboard of stick figures and money symbols with arrows going from one to the other. Elon is very excited and calls his brother to tell him about it. Kimbal is impressed but says “This company is all about bringing people together. X.com doesn’t sound very friendly. It’s about giving money to friends, and I think the name should reflect that.” On a sheet of paper Elon writes “transfer money – friend”. And in a twist worthy of the end of Dark Knight Rises, under “transfer money” he writes “Pay” and under “friend” he writes “Pal”. (Note that reality was much more complicated than that, but the filmmakers claim dramatic license)

Cut to title card “Space 2002”

After selling PayPal to EBay for $1.5 Billion Musk start work on his third company SpaceX. In their first company meeting Elon is somber. He says that what they are doing is important. That this is about the future of humanity, that “An asteroid or a super volcano could destroy us, and we face risks the dinosaurs never saw: An engineered virus, inadvertent creation of a micro black hole, catastrophic global warming or some as-yet-unknown technology could spell the end of us. Humankind evolved over millions of years, but in the last sixty years atomic weaponry created the potential to extinguish ourselves. Sooner or later, we must expand life beyond this green and blue ball—or go extinct.” (This is a direct quote from Elon, the filmmakers always make it a point to pat themselves on the back because of how much dialogue was true to life).

It is a board meeting months later for SpaceX, Kimbal is one of the members. There has just been a hiccup in the plans and Elon is frustrated. Elon explains again how important it is for them to succeed. When the meeting is over Kimbal stops Elon and says he wants to talk with him alone. Kimbal says that this is just a minor setback and that Elon seems to be so obsessed with the mission that he is blowing things out of proportion. Elon says that there is just so many things that threaten humanity’s existence that we have to colonize space. Kimbal asks what he thinks the most dangerous threat is, and Elon responds global warming. Kimbal says “then why don’t you do something about it”

Cut to title card “Clean Energy 2003”

We open in a high tech factory, there is a rough edge to it as evidence by exposed wire and equipment half hazardly lying around. Elon is giving a pep talk to a bunch of engineers. “We are all here to make the world a better and cleaner place. Global warming threatens the future of humanity but it is not an intractable problem. We will reduce the burning of fossil fuels by making the first viable electric car company. Change is hard, and we have to be bold and innovative to survive. The plan is to start by building high end sports cars so we can eventually create an affordable mid-sized fully electric vehicle. We take inspiration from one of the most innovative scientists Nikola Tesla, and our name will reflect that. We are Tesla Motors!”

Cut to title card “Clean Energy 2006”

We are at Burning Man, and we watch Elon take some acid. He begins to explore the art installations and the imagery slowly becomes more expressionistic. He strips naked and wonders into the open desert, and then lies on his back as the sun beats down on him. The camera cuts to a view of the sun and slowly zooms into it. Elon walks up sunburned and matter-of-factly returns to the group and borrows a cell phone. He calls up Peter and Lyndon Rive (who have probably be introduced before now). He says that he has an idea for a solar energy company if they were interested.

Cut to title card “2012”

We are at the SpaceX control room as their Dragon spacecraft is about to dock with the International Space Station. Tensions are running high. Actual documentary footage begins to be cut in with the film until eventually it is just documentary. A cheer erupts as the Dragon successfully docks with the ISS.

We fade to black and title cards appear which say:

“The Dragon spacecraft docked with the ISS on May 25 2012, making SpaceX the first commercial company to accomplish the feat.

Tesla Motors released their first sedan, the Tesla Model S on June 1 2012 which was named Automobile Magazines 2013 Car of the Year

Solar City, the solar company created based on Elon’s idea continues to create and install solar energy systems and as of 2012 has 1600 employees”

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Fake Movie Friday – Cherry Goo Goo

I’m going to out crazy Ashley and Tigs with this one. I usually think about my fake movie fridays when I’m going to bed. I came up with this one when I was visiting my brother on the west coast, I was jet lagged and had visited a bunch of wineries, so I ended up thinking about stuff and then continued to think about my fake movie in my dream. So basically this is a drunken dream.

Cherry Goo Goo
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Fake Movie Friday – The God Particle

I was originally trying to make a Prometheus type movie where the film really wanted to address a big sci-fi concept/question but was way too dumb to do anything smart with it. I actually think I came up with something pretty neat, a sort of Prince of Darkness crossed with Pi. Enjoy.

The God Particle
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Fake Movie Friday – Bipartisan

I realised that I have never written a romantic comedy, well I’ll have to change that. Most romantic comedies have to have some silly obstacle that keeps our lovers apart until the finale, I mean there were two movies last year where the obstacle was that the two people are friends (No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits). Well I’ve got a hell of an obstacle for my star crossed lovers:

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Fake Movie Friday – The Law Of the Jungle

I brought up the fact a while ago that there hasn’t really been any R rated monster movie franchises recently.  Hollywood is fine with making Alien, Predator, and to a lesser extent Terminator movies instead of innovating and creating something new.  Inspired by Predator, The Expendables and Left 4 Dead here is my attempt to create a monster movie franchise:

The Law of the Jungle
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Fake Movie Friday Submissions: Frat Boy


This Fake Movie Friday submission was heavily inspired by a conversation I had with Alex, because he probably wasn’t going to use the idea, I figured I’d steal it.

Frat Boy

The film opens like the Hangover, with our heroes waking up after what looks like an epic party in their fraternity house. There are beer cans and liquor bottles everywhere and the place is a mess. Our heroes are just archetypes so they don’t really need names. They are: the Jock, Nerd, Nice Guy, and Stoner (Dave Franco plays one of the characters…. probably the Jock). As they are getting up the Stoner notices that he has a Police hat on, he has a moment of panic but then they have a group high five and laugh.
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Fake Movie Friday Submissions: Award Winning

Andrew Dunn:

So I watched Airplane! and Hots Shots Part Deux recently and they just don’t make spoofs like they used to. In fact, they tend to make spoofs like this:

Award Winning

The trailer proclaims that the film is from the makers of Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and Vampires Suck. It says that it has won the Audience Award from Miss Poppers fifth grade class, A gold medal in men’s 100m freestyle, and a Nobel prize in Economics. The trailer ends with the voice over guy saying “Award” then it cuts to Charlie Sheen surrounded by women in Bikinis who says “Winning!”. On to the film.
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Fake Movie Friday Submission: M.I.Tchel Cooley


My Fake Movie Friday is basically Revenge of the Nerds meets Billy
Madison because Hollywood loves when movies meet other movies. And yes I know what you all were thinking, I got the last name Cooley from James Cooley co-creator of the Cooley-Tukey Fast Fourier Transform algorithm and Manhattan College Alumni.

M.I.T.chell Cooley

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Fake Movie Friday Submissons: Catching A Falling Knife Part 2: Meltdown

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Andrew Dunn…

Because no one asked for it, I made a sequel to my fake movie Catching A Falling Knife from two weeks ago, here goes:

Catching a Falling Knife Part 2: Meltdown
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