Tag Archives: Alexander Skarsgård

Fake Movie Friday – Murder Butthole

Last night at Pig Pile, I asked for a suggestion of a movie title, and I got screwed with Murder Butthole, so now you’ll get screwed with my treatment for Murder Butthole.

Murder Butthole stars Alexander Skarsgaard as Sam Godspeed an extreme weather hunter.  I don’t know what that means really but go with it.  He tracks crazy storms and does whatever he can to help save the civilians of that city or something.  He’s a disgraced weatherman who lost his job when his prediction of a category 4 superstorm didn’t happen.  He caused mass hysteria and lost his job.  Now he’s a scruffy drinker, going from town to town trying to warn cities of impending doom.  He lives in a souped up fancy van and still posts news reports from his van to post on YouTube.

Basically right after all the exposition of his past brings us to the present, we see Sam’s weather truck starts picking up some crazy readings that a category 5 superstorm is on it way to coastal Maine.  The Governor of Maine, Miranda Taylor, played by Carla Gugino, gets word that Sam is on his way to Maine to try and convince Miranda to schedule a state of emergency.   When he gets there she threatens to have him jailed for causing a public disturbance etc and reminds him of what happened in Arizona (the wrong prediction).  Right as he’s about to respond, the sky turns super black.  Sam has a giant speech right now about taking him seriously.  He says something about how Maine isn’t in the eye of the storm. “We’re in the butthole.  and When you’re in the butthole of a storm all the shit will come raining down on you somethin fierce”  He starts talking about how a Butthole storm doesn’t just claim lives, it changes them.  People will start fighting each other, after the storm is long past, and soon all is lost.  Miranda still refuses to believe him.  She says Mainers are a tough proud people and they’ve lived through worse.

Right as she says that, the Butthole of the storm opens wider and starts raining hail pellets large enough to kill people.  Sam was right and this isn’t even the worst of the storm.  Miranda realizes he was right and attempts to start declaring a state of emergency, but for some convenient reason all the cell towers and electricity in the entire state goes out.  So it’s up to Sam and his solar powered (yea it’s solar now) Van to stop this murderous butthole.  Larry Peters, a crazy longshoreman played by John Hawkes decides to help Sam and now Miranda (who is wearing a tank top, just cause).  They start trying to rescue women and children first and get them to the safest place in Maine, The Maine Ampitheater? Sure.  Miranda used to be Special Forces.  She apologizes for not believing Sam and he ignores her cause it’s about saving lives and getting a signal out to the government to come in for help.  After 45 mins of special effects destruction including the death of an elderly couple that were in the group Sam’s trying to save, the Butthole passes, but now looting and pillaging have become the norm for people.  People have turned on each other and are killing each other for food and water.  Maine is basically a war zone.  Sam blames Miranda for not listening while there was still time, and they have an impassioned argument.  Then we can see this clearly leads to them doing it.

In the morning they wake up and they, along with Larry have been captured by a gang of crazed civilians.  They steal the Van from Sam too.  He explains to them that he’s trying to save them all, make things go back to normal before the butthole.  The leader of crazies, Yosemite, played by Bill Paxton, says they are the butthole now.  The butthole that determines their fate.  They like things better this way.   Miranda, as Sam is trying to reason, gets a small knife passed to her from Larry and cuts Yosemite in the leg.  This buys the 3 of them enough time to escape, but right as Sam gets close to his van, a sniper shot almost takes him out.  It hits Larry killing him.  Miranda tells Sam to keep running.  She picks up some automatic weapon from the ground and starts firing at all the crazies.  She hits most of them, but not before she gets hit with a semi fatal gunshot wound to the abdomen.  Sam doesn’t see this, but get to the van in time to send an emergency broadcast to the govt. who almost immediately gets ground and air troops into Maine.  In a fashion that makes you wonder why they didn’t just go in in the first place.   Sam rushes over to Miranda and sees that she might die.  He begins to cry and she says some stuff about how he’s a hero in her book.

We cut to 3 months later and news reports show that Maine is restabilizing and Sam is now a local Maine weatherman etc, and still has weird intuitions better than everyone else.  After he’s done at work we see people trying to stop and take pics with him, and he obliges.  After a few seconds, a familiar voice asks for his autograph.  it’s Miranda.  They are obviously dating now and he gets into the limo with her and says “Lets go home”


The End

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Fake Movie Friday: Infinite Trouble

Ok it’s obvious I have no ideas anymore and this one is the worst one yet. It just kind of goes no where and is horribly offensive to Canadians. It is pretty short though. That being said, let’s get this OVER with.

Infinite Trouble (randomly generated title thanks to: http://phrasegenerator.com/actionmovies)


Gordon (played by Jay Baruchel) is a recluse, mathematician and Canadian who has just written an equation that can produce infinitely long prime numbers.

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