Monthly Archives: December 2012

Fake Movie Friday: The Mystic

So I’m in the office when I don’t have to listening to the Les Mis soundtrack for about the 54592th time and this jumped into my brain.  A 1970’s rollerskating film.

The Mystic

The Mystic is THE friday night spot for red blooded American teens in Bainesville, Indiana.  It’s a pretty boring town, without a lot of excitement, except for these friday nights.  The high schoolers all go The Mystic.  It’s the most happening rollerskating rink around.  Cue a scene of a bunch of kids rollerskating around and doing tricks while typical 70’s music plays.  DJ Goodvibes announces the star rollerskating duo, FlashFunk are about to take to the rink and perform a new routine.  It’s really really good and we pan closer to a kid watching them named Dale.  He’s a good skater, but aspires to be as good as these guys.  After they perform he asks if they can give him some pointers.  They say sure and take Dale under their wing.  This makes him more popular than he’s ever been.  He gets home late that night and his single father is pissed.  Says dancing wont get him anywhere in life blah blah blah.

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Fake Movie Friday: The Winds of Essex

Alright this is going to be a quick one. I’m incredibly sick at the moment, my head is spinning a good bit, but I can still type. This weeks movie, a suggestion from Colm, is:

The Winds of Essex

We open in 1884, the rail road is almost done being built, finally providing easy access to the rest of England. Matilda is the owner of a dress shop has been doing rather well for herself. All of the folks around town like her very much.  Continue reading

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Fake Movie Friday- Milfs in Paris

So I know who I’m NEVER going to look for help with a title again. Not happy.

Milfs in Paris

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Fake Movie Christmas – Dude Where’s My Baby?

So instead of giving you guys a fake movie friday last week, I thought I’d save my shitty take on a christmas movie, but also make a sequel at the same time.

Dude Where’s My Baby

The film opens up on Jesse (Ashton Kutcher) and Wanda (Jennifer Garner) calling Chester (Seann William Scott) and Wilma (Marla Sokoloff) and asking how the baby is.  Chester says the baby is totally “shibby” and that they’re so happy to have little rugmuncher around the house.  Jesse says that if they need anything (while making body language to suggest weed smoking) to call him.  Chester says thanks and the movie starts.   Wilma now has a high powered business lady job in the city and Chester is a house-husband.  So he and the baby, named Tiger have a really great connection.  Wilma reminds him that her parents are coming for Christmas Eve dinner, so he and Tiger need to be on their best behavior.  Chester says of course and tells her they are going to run some errands all day and chill and stuff, but they’ll be fine.  We cut to Chester at the supermarket in the snacks aisle.  The baby is like at that age where it can walk, but not like talk a bunch FYI.  Anyway, Chester sees what looks like a mugging from the other aisle, and when he turns to grab Tiger and leave she’s gone, cue the classic line, Dude Wheres My Baby?

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Fake Movie Friday- Honey, I Ate the Vacuum

Ok super long day at work and totally might have forgotten about this. Here’s the title I got from last nights Pig Pile.

Honey! I Ate The Vacuum

Movie begins with a women getting up out of bed. She gets breakfast ready, she does laundry and we see this is all before the kids wake up. Her two children finally come down to eat and they sit down as a family. One seat is missing and she sighs. She gets up and walks to a door leading to the basement.
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Fake Movie Friday: Bumpkin

I think this was the suggestion of a movie title I got last night. I cannot remember at this point… but it was something like this.


In the Chisslewood Forest that is in the land of Blissington there lives a society of elves. A very human like society with schools, hospitals etc, except that everything used is magic. They teach magic, read books about magic, all their songs have the word magic in the title (along with some human songs with magic in the title), they cure disease with magic.  They have a magic mirror which transports them to the human world through the clouds, but it is forbidden to do so unless you are told explicitly by the Calelf, the ruler of all of Blissington. There are also three androgynous siblings, Bumpkin, Trumpkin and Mumpkin.  Continue reading

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Movie Movie Podcast#27: Hobbit-Cast

Welp, since the “Add Media” button does absolutely nothing in 3 different browsers now that we’ve upgraded to the latest WordPress, I cannot add the Hobbit movie poster here. But fear not because that can’t keep a good podcast down, and this time we’re going on an adventure! Join Alex, Russ, Peter and myself as we bicker whimsically about The Hobbit. Recorded on December 19th 2012.

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Pain And Gain Trailer

Now before we all jump on Michael Bay for making nothing but awful movies, lets remember he directed The Rock, Bad Boys, and one of my favorite action movies of all time, Bad Boys II.  I like that with Pain and Gain he’s getting back to telling a smaller story (by his standards) and it’s set in the 90’s, a time he knows extremely well having been a music video director.

His leads are Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie, and The Rock playing a bunch of juiced-up gym rats.  I’m sold on that alone.

See for yourself:

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Expendables 3 adds Jackie Chan

According to the man himself:

Sly had invited me to be in Expendables 2 but I was too busy filming CZ12 and couldn’t make a commitment to the film. But he did extend his invitation to the third movie, which I agreed on the condition that I will be appearing as more than just a minor role with a few scenes.

Sounds great to me. Expendables 2 was a lot of fun, they might as well go all out for the third. Here’s hoping he gets a few decent fights and doesn’t drop out of the movie (literally) like Jet Li did in Expendables 2.

Via Twitch

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Star Trek Into Darkness Teaser

So we got that short bit of Star Trek footage a few weeks back and it looked great.  Benedict Cumberbatch’s villain seems to be close to Kirk and a real threat, bringing some serious “Darkness” to the film.   The first full teaser goes further to emphasize that.  If you can’t tell from the Man of Steely voiceover and Hans Zimmers “BWAAAAAAAAANG” than you need to get your eyes checked.

Also, textbook lensflare in this:


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