Hey Paramount, We Need to Talk…

Hey Paramount,

A few years ago you guys were doing big things, dropping big franchises, and raking in billions of dollars.  Flash forward to yesterday and I have no idea what your film strategy is.  You used to have the Marvel franchise, and then you sold it.  You used to have DreamWorks Animation, and you couldn’t reach an agreement and lost that too.  You used to release summer movies, and now I barely even know what you did this past summer?  Don’t sit there and look at me like everything is normal.  Look at what you did last Summer!


Thor (Hit)

Kung Fu Panda 2 (Sequel Hit)

Super 8 (Original Hit)

Transformers 3 (Shitty Sequel Megahit)

Captain America (Hit)

Cowboys & Aliens (Bomb)

You were 5 for 6 at the plate, with one grand slam, and three extra base hits.  You looked good.  Now lets look at this Summer.


The Dictator (Bomb)

Madagascar 3 (Sequel Hit)

Katy Perry: Part of Me (Bomb)

You were 1 for 3.  It doesn’t even look like you are the same player!


Now I’m looking back on your year and remembering that all I hear about is production problems.  GI Joe 2, a genuinely cool looking movie, you pulled 5 weeks before released to tack 3D onto it, and more Channing Tatum scenes.  World War Z has been moved what seems like a million times, and has ballooned into a close to 250 million dollar film.  About zombies.  Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters was made like two years ago and STILL isn’t out yet.  And to top it all off, everything I’ve heard about you rebooting Ninja Turtles as Alien Turtles sounds like dogshit I never want to see.  Paramount, you need to get your shit together.  I don’t even like all your movies, but at least you used to make enough of them, that would at least be something for me.  The objective is to buy franchises and properties, and hang on to them.  You don’t let them go for nothing (DreamWorks, Marvel).  Get it together!


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