Today has been an incredible Fake Movie Friday. I really wanted to step up my game so here is something a bit more serious.
A few years ago Priest and the Beekeeper did an improv scene about a robot on a space station that has been stuck in my head ever since. I’ve been trying to turn it into a short story, but I’m in no means a writer. Here’s the film version then. Its one of those psuedo-sci-fi movies that people will scream about nominations but won’t get any, i.e. Moon.
Say Goodnight HelperTron
The film opens up with the classic front to back space ship flying by shot. The year is 2152. We see inside the ship as the crew is toasting champagne. The good-looking captain, played by Jon Hamm, congratulates the crew on having just passed the moon. They are on their way to Jupiter’s moon Io, the first manned mission to the 5th planet of our solar system. In the background we see a simple looking motionless robot (a step down from C3P0). The crew is having fun and it just stares.
We learn that the crew is getting ready to go into suspended animation for the duration of the trip there and the robot that they jokingly refer to as HelperTron will be watching over them and the ship. They all get into their respective pods and the captain checks them all. As he gets into his own he turns to HelperTron and says, “Say goodnight Helpertron”
Helpertron stares at him for a second before replying “Goodnight HelperTron.” Olivia Wilde voices HelperTron, but the motion capture is done by Andy Serkis. The captain laughs and shakes his head, lies down and activates the pod. HelperTron stands motionless for a minute and then returns to its duties.
There is a montage of HelperTron going about its rounds checking everything on the ship it needs to maintain (think the first twenty minutes of Wall-E). Throughout the montage HelperTron keeps passing by the captain’s pod saying “Goodnight HelperTron.” The final time it does this, it laughs. HelperTron catches itself and looks confused.
HelperTron starts to investigate the crew. It watches old video of them being announced as the astronauts chosen to travel to Io. It watches more and more interviews with the attractive captain and we see in its eyes a look of love.
HelperTron starts watching movies that the crew has on the ship for their entertainment. It begins to act a bit more humanlike. Dancing around the ship. In a really cute scene it sets up a romantic picnic next to the captain’s pod, having both sides of a flirtatious conversation. But we see it is still very sad since its been over 3 months since the crew has been awake. It sleeps on the captain’s pod like he was holding it.
HelperTron one day decides to take action. It sets off a minor malfunction that the also forces the crew to wake up. As they move around the ship trying to solve the problem we see Helpertron following around the captain. It finds reasons to brush up against him, keeps trying to get him to look at it.
The last scene is once again after the captain gets everyone back into stasis. He approaches his own pod but is shocked to hear from HelperTron
“Say Goodnight Captain”
He looks over to HelperTron who gives him a loving look. He laughs and shakes his head, “Goodnight HelperTron”
We zoom in on the robots face as it says “Goodnight Sir”
I want a Helpertron toy. I want it to be kind of like a 2XL. I would hug it and kiss it and love it forever (and never use it up). I love the scene of Helperton realizing it’s human trait and then going all SWF. Awesome!
This is actually fucking masterful and I totally want to read/write the novella of this.