The “Fast” Franchise and Alphabetical Hell

So we all know the Super Bowl was yesterday and it was a great game, but what was even greater was the Fast and Furious commercial that showed the vehicular mayhem that is going to be unleashed this Memorial Day.  I can’t wait for it.

I only had one tiny issue with the spot:  Why call it Fast and Furious 6?  You’ve created an illogical mess of titling these films over the years, so why go so basic now?  I never thought a franchise could mess names up more than Rambo:

1. First Blood

2. Rambo: First Blood Part 2

3. Rambo III

4. Rambo


The Fast franchise looked at Rambo and decided to get even stupider.  Lets look back at these titles and laugh for a minute:

1. The Fast and The Furious – nothing wrong with this one.  It’s a great title and lets you know what you’ll be in for.

2. 2 Fast 2 Furious – THE GREATEST TITLE IN HISTORY.  It lets you know this is going to be double the stupidity, and double the other stuff you’d like doubled, but it now comes before the first film if you like alphabetizing.

3. The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift – this is a spinoff sidequel, so I really don’t have an issue with this title, but it’ll get hairy later on.  This is technically the last film in the Fast chronology.

4. Fast and Furious – All they did was drop THE from the titles and thats ok!?!? They didn’t even call it Fast and FOURious.  Just dropped a few the’s and called it a day.

5. Fast Five – This title is perfect, cause it’s simple. It’s the 5th Fast movie, so it’s Fast Five.

Up to this point however, I don’t think any of the titles would even be consecutive in a DVD rack.  Now we’re getting

6. Fast and Furious 6 – which yes, I get that it’s the 6th Fast film, but theres only one film up to this point called Fast and Furious, and it’s the 4th film.  So this should technically be Fast and Furious 2

Or you call it Fast 6 cause it’s the 6th Fast movie.  Because it’s definitely not Fast and Furious 6.  Also yes there are 6 Fast movies, but if you take chronological order into account, this would be the 5th film, because Tokyo Drift is the last one.  Or just call it Furiou6

Anyway you slice it, I feel like JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof have something to do with the titles of these films.  I do hope however that the 7th and final film is titled Furious.  Just Furious. No one would see that coming.

I’ll be the midnight screening of Fast and Furious 6 no matter what.

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One thought on “The “Fast” Franchise and Alphabetical Hell

  1. Dunn says:

    Final Furious?

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