Author Archives: russ

Fake Movie Friday – Bodega Catz

Bodega Catz (with a z of course) is the latest Sony Pictures Animation film from the team behind Baby Geniuses 2: Baby Geniusers. It is a hybrid animation/live action film.  The animals are all life-like, but slightly stylized so that it justifies animating them.

Bodega Catz is about the secret lives of those cats that are typically in bodegas and the misadventures they get themselves into.

The film opens up on a busy South Bronx corner.  There are hydrants open and it’s clear that it is a summer night (Lots of incomprehensible spanish music playing).  A storefront owner named Chinchito, played by George Lopez, begins to close up his shop for the evening to play dominoes outside of his store with his son, and grandfather.  When he sits he begins to talk about all of the troubles he’s having keeping the store up and running with the rising rent costs.  He doesn’t know what he’s going to do.  The grandfather says something wise, and they all start drinking.  As Chinchito and his family cheers, we pan to the inside of the bodega, and two cats cheers two glasses of milk together and start partying all over the bodega.  Chinchito thinks he hears something, but he ignores it.  The two cats Miguelito and Zippy are played by Diego Luna and Efren Ramirez.  They have the typical dynamic where one is smart and the other is stupid, but because it’s ethnic, it’s kinda racist.  Anyway they are getting ready to meet up with some friends at the bodega on the other corner.  They head over to meet up with their friends Paco and Angelina played by Carlos Alazraqui and Emma Stone (who affects a spanish accent for the film).  Anyway it’s clear from their hanging out and partying and eating the food in the bodega’s that there is a connection between Miguelito and Angelina, but Paco and Angelina used to date, so Miguelito does not want to intrude.  The cats all do a bunch of shit that shows off that they are CGI.

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The Best Movie Weekend of 2012 Is?

November 2nd.

It’s right around the time that theaters get their shovelware crap and annual halloween gorefests out of the way, and make room for family films, oscarbait, and another round of tentpoles.  This year we are going to get treated to three films that are very high on my radar, and could go either way:

Flight

Wreck-It Ralph

The Man With The Iron Fists

With Flight we have a seemingly simple premise, that appears to be very well executed.  It has Denzel in his leading man hero form, and it’s Robert Zemeckis’ first non-motion capture film since Cast Away over a decade ago.

With Wreck-It Ralph we have Disney’s attempt to be Pixar-ish and also appeal to males with Videogame characters.  This has huge potential to be great and prove that Disney can still churn out an original idea that is good without Pixar.

The Man With The Iron Fists is the directorial debut of The RZA, who has worked around the movie industry for the better part of ten years acting in films like Coffee and Cigarettes, and doing countless soundtracks.  Quentin Tarantino and Eli Roth are producing, there will probably be tons of Wu-Tang music, and the cast is stellar.  Leave it to a rapper to direct the best-looking kung fu film in ages.  I’m all in with this one.  Even if it’s bad, I already like it.

The best thing about this weekend is that I would conceivably pay to see each of these films separately instead of just movie-hopping back and forth.  Another great thing about this weekend is that nothing is an adaptation or sequel.  All relatively original ideas.  Take the hint Hollywood.  Make cool new shit and people will shell out their $15!

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The Chronicle of Fantastic Four

The suits at 20th Century Fox has finally announced what we’ve pretty much known since January:

Josh Trank has been hired to direct the reboot of Fantastic Four.  (remember when Galactus was a cloud?)

Meh.

Josh Trank directed Chronicle.  A found footage superhero teen movie that cost very little, but made around 50 million.  I guess they are hoping that he extrapolates Chronicle’s success to a larger scale.

For this film I think the director is virtually interchangeable.  Just get someone who isn’t a moron to write the film and a capable cast.  Trank is so new to directing that I doubt he’ll bring anything good or bad to the table.  However, they need to get someone who knows how to write a family to make this film work.

In a perfect world, I’d like to see Brad Bird just direct it.  Yeah he did The Incredibles already, but after seeing M:I: Ghost Protocol, he can do grand scale.  I also want this movie being released by Disney.  They’d nail this film.

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Michael Fassbender & Assassins Creed = Legitimacy?

It is being reported today that Michael Fassbender and his fledgling production company DMC will be producing a film version of the hugely popular Assassins Creed video franchise for him to star in.   A few things grab me when I think about this:

1) Fassbender is one of the best actors working today.  Look at his filmography.  The films he is in are either great, or his role is.  Shame was the single best acting performance of last year in my opinion.

2) I think they might be taking this film seriously.

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Fake Movie Friday Brainstorming Session

I am in my office at work right now and it is ungodly hot right now and the AC is broken, so I don’t really have the mental wherewithal to write a fake movie this week.  I do however have the mental wherewithal to give you all a glimpse into the fake movies that I will be working on over the next few weeks, and then some titles that just came to me, where I’ll write the movie after.

Bodega Catz – A borderline racist animated comedy about the lives of those cats in bodegas

The Caan Men – Action comedy about James and Scott Caan playing themselves and getting involved with the real mob or something

Don’t Wait Up – Teen Girl Comedy

Snow Justice – Point Break with Snowboarders

Leap – Someones Oscarbait film.  That’s all I have.  I just need the actor and that will inform the type of bait i’m shoveling out

Dream – A dramatic reimaging of The 1992 USA Olympic Basketball team, only they’re not that great at the beginning

Polly and Max: Time’s Up – Crossover Polly Pocket/Mighty Max film, but they are older and fight time traveling criminals

Nightlight

Grinder

Operation: Kill

…And Then I Fell

So that’s what you all have to look forward to over the next couple months from me.  As I said before I usually just start with a title and then a sentence, and then from there I make a movie that may or may not have anything to do with my original idea.  Now you at least get to see where my ideas start.  I can assure you that the majority of these will probably change completely, but now you know that Don’t Wait Up was supposed to be girl empowering teen comedy from the outset even though a month from now it will probably be a girl-in-peril horror film.

Oh well.

See you guys next week, with the racistly awesome Bodega Catz!

The Watch Ads & The Winston Treatment

Now I’m never one to cry racism (ok yes I am), but I just saw a new television ad for The Watch and it pissed me off.  This is a film, that based off of the talent behind the camera, and the second trailer, and the inclusion of Richard Ayoade as a lead character, has me very curious.  Yes it has Stiller and Vaughn in it, but this could be good.

Anyway what pissed me off was that it was one of those 30 second spots where in large font, they show the last name of one of the principal leads, and then a funny moment from that actor.  The ad starts as you would expect with STILLER. then VAUGHN. then HILL.  then it ends.  No AYOADE.  Why wouldn’t Ayoade get the big font tv ad treatment, if 3/4ths of the stars of the film get it?  If your response is that he is not a household name like them, I guess I can agree, but why would he get billing in the trailer and not in the tv ad?  Seems inconsistent.  Also it just seems weird that you would highlight 3 members of a 4 member ensemble.

Simple solution:  Give them all the big font treatment or none of them.

This shit happened with Ghostbusters and as a person of color, I guess these are the sorts of things that you notice in marketing.  Winston  (Ernie Hudson) had nothing to do with any of the ads, posters, promotional material, or videogames.  He was a main character of a franchise that you would have never known was even in it because that is how it was sold.  I don’t doubt the filmmakers just make the film they want without much concern over being exclusionary, but the directors don’t make the ads.  Marketers do.

I’m putting you on notice The Watch marketers.  Ya kinda being racially insensitive, but I’m still gonna see this movie cause it could be good, and could put Ayoade in a much better place in the US, and that’s a win for everyone.

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Fake Movie Friday – Kiss Cam

I made a Romantic Comedy.  Why?  Because they are easy as hell to make, and do well.

Kiss Cam is the latest romantic comedy from  Nicholas Stoller.  Kiss Cam stars Jason Segel and Natalie Portman.

The film opens up with a split screen shot of two couples, Ben and Michelle (played by Jason Segel and Elizabeth Banks), and Jane and Mike (played by Natalie Portman and Mike Vogel).  They are both rushing to get ready to go somewhere and we don’t really know where exactly.  Michelle doesn’t really want to go, and we see that Mike doesn’t either, but Ben and Jane are both pushing them to get ready faster.  Anyway they both get in the car and you can see they are both heading to Yankee Stadium.  When they arrive, Ben throws on a Derek Jeter jersey and Jane put on her green Red Sox cap and David Ortiz t-shirt.  It is clear these two are die-hard fans.  Anyway as they find their seats in the nosebleeds the split screen merges into one as they all sit down simultaneously next to each other.  As the game is going on we can see that Michelle and Mike really don’t have a lot of interest in the game.  Michelle thinks it’s boring, and Mike is texting and laughing at the response to the texts (we think he might be cheating).

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Oblivion & How M83 Will Make Sweet Love To It

The Tom Cruise starring futuristic sci-fi film Oblivion will be out next spring.  It is being directed by Joseph Kosinski of the beautiful-looking Tron:Legacy.  One of the coolest things about it was the look of the grid.  Kosinski has a good eye for stuff like that and Oblivion is his film completely meaning he wrote it, so I’m hopeful that his writing skills match-up to his ability to shoot a scene.  It’s about a future where Tom Cruise is one of the last men left on earth and his job is to repair drones that help protect us from aliens.  Morgan Freeman is in it too, so that’s good.  I’m assuming a lot more will happen than that, but it has me at the premise.

It’s been filming for a while and wraps production in about a month or so.  Word has it that the Prog-Rock Electronic band M83 has been tapped to do the score for the film.  Without seeing one bit of footage of this film, I know that this is an inspired choice.  Joseph Kosinski was a music video director prior to directing films, so this is a case of him reaching back a bit I’m sure, but I give him full credit for this for two reasons:

1) M83 is one of my favorite bands of the last 3-4 years

2) Daft Punk’s score made Tron:Legacy a better film than it had any business being.

I liked Tron:L, but I can agree it had many many flaws.  However, the music was not one of them.  The music fully ingratiated me into the world further, and was awesome.  It also wasnt just a soundtrack.  It was a full score.  I think M83 can pull this off as well.  They do epic music better than most.

A teaser trailer for this film can’t come soon enough.

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The Newest Marvel Film Franchise Is?

The Guardians of the Galaxy. 

According to one of the more reputable film sites Latino Review, they are reporting that not only is the second Marvel film of 2014 to be Guardians of the Galaxy, but it will also feature Thanos.  Thanos we all know will be the villain of the next Avengers film.  This film would be based on the 2008 lineup of Guardians.

I don’t know if this is true yet, because Disney hasn’t spoken on the issue yet, but I can definitely see it.  The best stuff about Thor was the Asgard stuff, and with Marvel, so much of what they will be doing in Avengers films is otherworldly, so why not add a bit more context to the cosmic layer of the Marvel Film Universe?  My only issues:

-Guardians are made up of second and third tier characters, and theres very little familiarity with the product.

-I hope it doesn’t come at the cost of the Black Panther film.  It could very well be the Avengers’ Batman.  Shoehorning him into the sequel really doesn’t work if you are focusing so much on the expansion of the cosmic stuff.  The only thing that would make sense at this point would be putting him in the next Captain America film as Cap is now in the modern day and his shield is made of Vibranium which is found is Wakanda.  I wouldn’t love that cause the tonal differences of Cap and BP are very different.  It’s like Superman and Batman.  It would take a very deft hand to meld those two.

Again, this is all unconfirmed at this point, but it’s worth thinking about.

 

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David O’Russell & Bradley Cooper Make OSCARBAIT?

The trailer for the Bradley Cooper/Jennifer Lawrence vehicle Silver Linings Playbook just made its way on the web.  It also stars Robert DeNiro, John Ortiz, and the oft-reclusive Chris Tucker in a comedy about two screwed up people who meet and fall in love.  From the trailer I get the sense that this would like to be Oscarbait, but will settle for Golden Globesbait, and who wants that? It’s adapted from a book that I haven’t read.

One interesting thing is that it appears Lawrence is playing mid to late 20’s in this film when she’s actually like 21, and still capable of aging down to play high schoolers.  She’s in that elusive sweetspot for female actresses where you are up for damn near any role Hollywood throws out between 16 and 32.  She’ll be in everything soon, until she ages like Pfeiffer and they take her out to the glue factory.

Check it:

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