Though it was beautiful, in the end ‘Prometheus’ turned out to be an unnecessary prequel. It did little to explain what it was meant to. It just as well could have been another film. I’m going to do the same thing for Fake Movie Friday today. Here’s my prequel to ‘Pitch Black.’


We open on a small colony of Terra-formers on the planet from ‘Pitch Black.’ A few men are spilling out of a bar fighting. A single gunshot is heard and they turn to find our main character Davis, played by Zoe Saldana. The men stop fighting and are clearly a bit scared of her. She’s chief of security and a total hard-ass. Davis is her last name so you know she’s tough as NAILS!

She returns home and is greeted by a blind girl who is her niece, played by the girl who played Rue in Hunger Games. She seems to let her shield down a bit with Sam (the girl) and they joke. The Sam’s father, Davis’ brother in law Jarrett, is a scientist working for the Helios project, a study of solar energy (the pitch black planet has two suns). Ethan Hawke plays him and seems to be really obsessed with his work. Davis tucks Sam in and she asks Davis what her mother looks like. We fade out as Davis tells her.

We cut to a janitor in the Helios project as he cleans up. This is a bit of a charm scene as he’s burnt out and smoking future pot. He hears a noise and gets freaked out. Backs into a corner and is dragged away screaming.

Davis is called in to investigate. The janitor was clearly attacked by some sort of animal. She is stopped from entering some points of the facility and this becomes a point of contention between her and Jarrett. They argue about it. Clearly Jarrett is hiding something. Davis begins to suspect things are up at the Helios project.

After another death Davis is starting to get more and more suspicious. She begins to look into Helios. She finds order forms for chemicals and equipment that confuse her and don’t exactly make sense for solar energy research. All the order forms are in Jarrett’s name. He meets with Sam and tries to ask her questions about Jarrett’s work. Sam speaks about friends of hers in the caves and how daddy takes her to see them.

Davis goes to the caves and looks around. Tense scene follows, but all she finds are just very small versions of the Pitch Black creatures. They couldn’t have killed the men. She is confused and returns home. No one is there and she gets scared. She goes to the Helios project labs and finds Jarrett standing over an unconscious Sam. Davis yells at him and accuses him of hurting her. She backs up and we have a jump scare when she realizes she is up against a tank of the giant sized monsters.

“What is this?”
“This is all for Sam. These creatures can’t live in the sun. They see in a spectrum, which we don’t. A way that could give my baby her sight back!” NONSENSE.
“You can’t play god!”
“I will give her the SUNS!” Helios is the Greek god of the sun. GENIUS TITLE!

They struggle and accidently release the creatures into the wild. It’s nighttime now by the way. The creatures escape and start attacking the colony. Davis and her family attempt to flee to a ship. A lot of carnage is going on around them. They are about to get to the ship when they realize Sam is not with them. They turn and see her standing with the creatures swirling around her. They don’t attack her. Jarrett tries to get her and they kill him. Sam screams and the monster flee (unexplained). Davis gets her onto the ship. They are saved.


Sam is on the ship sitting next to a cradle. A woman walks up to her and asks if she is ok.

“I’m fine. My name is Sam, who is this?” She asks looking at the baby.
“This is my son. His name is Sam too. Sam… RIDDICK!”

She doesn’t yell it of course. That would be weird.

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5 thoughts on “FAKE MOVIE FRIDAY: Helios

  1. russ says:

    I had to stop at Future Pot. hahahahaha. Going back in now

  2. russ says:

    this is incredible. I want to see it.

  3. johnnytigs says:

    I also had to stop at future pot. Amazing. Also, wasn’t that exact scene in The Relic? LOVE IT IF SO!

  4. johnnytigs says:

    FUCK YES I WANT TO SEE IT RIGHT NOW. Also didn’t even see the Helios sun god connection until I read it. I’m a bad Greek with a blown mind!

  5. Dunn says:

    YES YES YES, I love this. Your purposely dumb unnecessary prequel is still better than Prometheus…

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