Fake Movie Friday LIVE: A Bridge Too Gwar

Happy Friday everybody! This is a special edition of FMF because not only did I get the title of the film last night at Pig Pile, I also wrote it LIVE in front of the audience. If you had to see one piece of performance art yesterday you should have been there and not at something Banksy was doing. Thanks to Brian for the title. I’ve made some changes since last night.

A Bridge Too Gwar

Movie opens on a young teen named Brian riding his bike through his small town. He is almost hit by a car driven by cooler kids and a popular girl in the back, Sarah, gets angry at the driver. Brian gets back on his bike and pedals off to cool before coming to an abrupt halt as he passes by a record shop. In the window is a poster for an upcoming Gwar show in the city.

He enters and talks to the owner who he is friendly with about the show. In the corner is Tug, the local pot dealer who hangs out though the owner hates him. He says hi to Brian but is ignored and told to leave. The owner of the shop gives Brian a ticket he got through a connection. Brian runs out excited. He heads home but he only has his permit and his parents refuse to drive him to the show. It would be a really far bicycle ride but he is determined.

He is getting ready to go as Sarah is walking down the street. They talk as she tries to apologize for her friends earlier. Brian tells her all about the Gwar show. She seems interested and he starts to make up stories about how he’ll be backstage and be a part of the act during the final song. She’s really excited at this point and tells him good luck though she warns him about the bridge he would need to take to get to the city. They don’t allow pedestrians since there have been a lot of jumpers.

He heads to the bridge and is not allowed to cross. There is one really angry transit cop there, named O’Connell, who clearly thinks he is more important than he is. He doesn’t allow Brian to pass. Brian heads back and is stopped by Tug. Tug offers to take Brian to the city since he was already headed into the city anyway. They drive off as Tug tosses his drink out the window and it hits the car full of popular kids from earlier. The 3 guys look pissed and recognize Brian in the car.

They are getting to the bridge and Tug tells Brian to play it cool. Brian is confused and learns that Tug is actually delivering a huge shipment of weed. Brian gets angry but as he turns around Tug has since lit up a joint and smoking. He gets angry so Tug tosses it out the window but it lands at the feet of O’Connell. O’Connell hops in his car and starts to chase them down. They lose him after a bit but run into the guys from earlier and the chase is on again. They are safe once again but Tug needs to make the stop for the drug deal. It goes a bit wrong and they barely escape as Brian saves Tugs life, losing his jacket in the process.

Brian is pissed at Tug at this point as he is now late for the show. Tug finally gets him to the venue but then realizes that the tickets were in his jacket. He flips out as they are then surrounded by O’Connell and the 3 dudes. Tugs tells Brian he’s sorry and he owes him. Tugs starts a huge fight with the bouncers and blames the guys and O’Connell. While everyone is distracted Brian sneaks in backstage. He makes his way on stage during the final song and is incorporated into the set.

Brian leaves elated and finds Tug outside. Tug clearly got his ass kicked but has Brian’s jacket and the ticket. The two head home. Unknown to Brian, since there was the huge fight outside the concert makes the news and they show Brian onstage during the final song. He runs into Sarah the next day she tells him all about how she saw him on the TV. He is really excited and she is clearly into him. They kiss but she says how gross the show was and how Gwar is dumb. He tells her she’s an idiot and walks away. Tug drives by and picks him up. They blast Gwar.


The End