Fake Movie Friday: Pink Feather Boa

I couldn’t think of a title, so I asked our friend Lisa for a title suggestion. She started naming stuff that was on her desk and this stood out, because it made me think of snakes. So it looks like we’re headed deep into the rainforest of Suriname! Here we go!

Pink Feather Boa

We open on Professor Ben Walters teaching a college class about reptiles. He is obviously infatuated with snakes, going into great detail about them. He is wearing a tie with snakes on it. The class is mostly asleep, save for the few students who are furiously taking notes. A bell rings (because that happens at this college) and all the students jump and run out. Walters starts to put his things together when his friend, Doctor Arnold Cauler comes in. They talk a bit and then head out for lunch.

Cauler tells Walters that he has a great opportunity for him and some students. Over the spring break he can take his best and brightest to the rainforest for some up close nature lessons. Walters thinks it over and agress.

Next we see Cauler, Walters and 4 of his students, a female soccer player (who finds anything and everything to kick and volley to herself), a male drama student (who is always giving some monologue), a female history major (who constantly relates what’s going on to historical events), and a male computer programmer (who is constantly looking for a cell signal), boarding a plane. There are hijinks on the plane, the students all have playful rowdy fun.

They arrive at their destination and are met by local Tanzen, who doesn’t speak and english but will be with them the rest of the trip. They explore the rainforest some, taking pictures and Walters is giving impromptu lessons. Couler is seen walking off and exploring on his own a lot. There are lots of jump scares throughout of animals falling around them and such. They have a run in with a wild boar and its very tense, they kill and cook the boar at a camp fire. They all tell stories, Walters tells of how his parents died infront of him, at a freak zoo accident. A posonius snake had gotten loose and bit his mother, his father tried to get the snake away but was bit as well. They needed Walters to suck the venom out but he couldn’t do it, no one was able to reach them in time.

There trek leads them down a river, Tanzen always pointing at stuff and saying things no one can understand.

Eventually they come upon an abandonded city. They are all awestruck. The kids go off exploring and Walters asks Couler, “Is this what I think it is?” Couler nods and walks off. There are statues of big snakes everywhere. A few jump scares later and we’re at night time, the group is all hanging out, Tanzen is cooking something he killed after the history student was scared by it. The drama student goes to step on a baby snake and Tanzen stops him and says something he can’t understand. When Tanzen’s back is turned, the student squashes the snake.

During dinner the drama student is giving some long soliloquy from Richard III when a giant snake wraps around him and pulls him into the water, they all try to save him, he struggles, as he’s swimming towards the boat the snakes comes up from the water, his eyes pink and bright, and bites him in half, they all scream and run. Couler pulls out a gun and says no one is leaving, that what killed the student was the extremely rare and valuable Pink Feather Boa Constrictor, and they’re not leaving there without it. The history major gets up and keeps walking, screaming at Couler, who lets her finish her rant, asks, “are you done” and then shoots her.

He says they need to use her as bait, she is still alive and begs for mercy. Couler is able to convince them to lower her into the water, it’s very tense but the snake never comes for her. Couler starts some ancient chant that is supposed to bring about the snake, but Tanzen tackles him, there is a struggle, Walters gets the gun and holds Couler up. Walters tells him they are all getting out of there and they can leave him behind. Couler then lets loose that there is no flight back yet, that they had a private plane because a wealthy business man flew them there with the intention of catching the snake, they have no legal visas or papers and would be thrown in jail immediately, and that they won’t be able to board a plane without the snake.

They pull the student out of the water and put Couler in. The snake still doesn’t come so Walters starts destroying the statues which angers the snake (for some reason). The snake goes past Couler and for Walters, who is able to dodge out of the way. The soccer player kicks a tracking device onto the snake and the computer nerd is able to track it. They try to set up traps for the snake made up of wood and stone, but nothing stays together. The beeping of the rader starts to pulse faster, then disappears  after an odd silence the snake appears from the water, as tall as the tallest structure near by and snatches Tanzen and drags him into the water. Couler tells them he brought more guns, they let him loose and give everyone a gun.

They all start firing into the water. The snake pops up from underneath and wraps itself around the soccer player, and squeezes so tight her head pops off then heads back into the water. They all head onto the land locked area. The computer neard climbs a tree, Couler takes up a spot up high and Walters is close by to the water. In the tree behind the nerd the snakes eyes are visable, it grabs a hold of him and starts to toss him around, destroying the tree and leaving him in pieces.

Couler and Walters have some huge fight during which the history student tells them to shut up and gives some speech about having to work together when the snake comes up and swallows her whole. Walters turns the gun on Couler, telling him it’s all his fault. They have a stand off which leads to Couler shooting Walters and tying him up. He places him in the water and starts the chat again. The snake is seen coming towards them at an incredible rate, passes right by Walters and puts its huge teeth right into Couler’s abdomen and rushes away. Walters struggles and releases himself from the trap, Couler screams for help. Walters takes Couler by the hand and tosses him in the river, the snake comes and grabs him in an explosion of blood. Walters starts to crawl away, but the snake comes back for him. Walters looks back and starts to fire on the snake, but it still doesn’t phase it. The snake bites his leg, but doesn’t take it clean off. Walters shoots a big standing statue, which falls on the snake. The snake appears to be dead, and Walter releases himself from its grip.

Everything starts to go blurry for him, and when he wakes up Tanzen is next to him, and has bandaged him up. He asks Tanzen about the snake but he shakes his head. They start to leave, it’s only been a short while, and head up the river. The snake pops up behind them and crashes into the boat, Tanzen is thrown from the boat and the constrictor has its mouth open waiting for Walters to fall in. He sees and gasoline can meant for the engine, throws it at the snakes mouth and start to fire. There is an explosion and the boat goes up in flames, along with the snake and Walters. Tanzen is seen on land looking out and jumps into the water to pull out the history major who is still alive. They head to the airport with pieces of the snake in a big box. She hands them to the wealthy financier, who says something snarky. She kicks him in the crotch and gets on the plane back home.

The End

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