Fake Movie Friday – Prefontaine 2: Blade Runner

Welp… Yeah… the title says it all. I’ve got nothing for this week. Not that I ever have something any other week. I had this title written down in an old notebook. This is by far the worst FMF yet, there is no real story arc or anything and I still wrote too much it. Not to mention this is probably the only FMF we’ve done that could not become an actual film.

Before we start, the poster for this will be similar to Weird Al’s Running With Scissors album cover.

For reference:

Moving on…

Steve Prefontaine (played again by Jared Leto) has been having some very weird dreams. He’s a butcher at a deli where all of the world comes to eat his sandwiches. There are tons of famous people in cameo roles here like Michael Jordan, Ben Affleck, the ghost of Steve Jobs, etc. He has a big smile on his face and a bounce in his step. He’s always singing when he’s behind the counter. When it’s time to close up shop he get in his car to drive home and it always ends in a horrible accident. Every morning, after he has this deli dream, he wakes up in a cold sweat.

Bill Dillinger, played by Dean Norris (who played the role in Without Limits and not Prefontaine (or if he’s not available Hank Azaria)), is still his coach. He makes sure Pre is up every morning, cooks his breakfast, runs with him, helps him train and always lends a helping hand. When he sees Pre is distraught he asks, “Those dreams again?” Pre confirms, but has never told Bill what his dreams truly are. The dream he tells Bill is of him running a race and as he gets closer to the finish the actual line moves further and further away, and no matter how fast he runs the finish line moves away faster.

Bill tells Pre not to worry about any of that, and that the younger people getting into the game now have advantages that he doesn’t. They’re allowing people with robotic limbs to enter into the races and compete with people who are fully human. Pre takes great offense to this saying that running is a pure sport and should be left to pure humans. Or something equally stupid.

Pre has a race coming up the next day and Bill tells him to get some rest. That night Pre has the same dream.

At the race the next day there are picketers outside with signs that say stuff like “Pre is Pure” and “Not in My Stadium” and “Robots GO Home”. When Pre shows up everyone cheers, he is a savior to these people and he get’s up to make a speech on an actual soap box. It’s pretty racist, but it’s about robots so that’s cool, right?

At the race, Pre is the only person to not have a robotic limb of some kind. Bill Birch, named Gaff, has a robotic eye, Channing Tatum, names Deckard, has robotic arms, Chris Evans, named Rick, has one robotic leg, and so forth. Deckard wins the race, with Pre coming in second. Pre says something decently mean under his breath at the end like “I lost to half a man” and Deckard replies with “I won on skill, not because of my limbs. These have given me a new lease on life. And by the way, only my arms are robotic. It has nothing to do with running. I trained just as hard as you.” Pre says, “yeah trained in the server room maybe.” Deckard replies, “Do you even know what you are?” And walks away.

There are probably some other races as well but Pre never comes in first.

One night after a race, on the drive home, Pre get’s into a terrible accident. He is being crushed beneath the weight of his car. A local sees this and starts to scream for help. Walking from the distance is Deckard. He lifts the car up and helps Pre. Pre is reluctant at first not wanting help from someone with robotic arms, but he has no energy to fight off Deckard.

Pre passes out and has another dream. He has just won a race, he is on the top of the winners podium with a knife in each hand, holding them up to the sky in celebration. The crowd is cheering, robot and human a like. He is given a trophy and at the statuette on top of the trophy is of a little man holding a ribbon in one hand and a knife in the other. The trophy reads First Place at Life.

He awakes in a hospital room, Deckard and Bill are there. They talk for a while, Bill tells Pre maybe it’s time to stop worrying so much about what his opponents have and to start training harder. Pre agrees and asks to speak to Deckard in private. Pre apologizes and thanks Deckard. Deckard says to think nothing of it, and that he was glad to help. There was a reason he had robotic arms and hands for a reason, since he was mostly a runner, and until then he used them just for origami. Deckard tells Pre he made him something, and gives him an origami trophy with a little man at the top holding a ribbon in one hand and a knife in the other (he’s really fucking good at origami) and written on it is “Another Chance at Life.” Deckard gets up and leaves, there are reporters outside who all want to speak to Pre. When asked about the accident Pre tells them all what happened, and gives a speech about how the he has been too harsh on the people with robotic limbs and everyone needs to get along blah blah blah. Deckard leaves smiling.

The End.

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4 thoughts on “Fake Movie Friday – Prefontaine 2: Blade Runner

  1. Dunn says:

    I think Ridley Scott is already making this.

  2. peter says:

    Wait, but would he help the upside down turtle?!

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