Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: House of Reanimator

I’m so ashamed I missed last week. I think this one is worth the wait though. There was talk of making this movie during the Bush years but it never actually happened. I think it’s much more appropriate now. I wrote an outline for this movie a few weeks ago and some stuff happened since then that makes a scene in this not make any sense but I decided to leave it in. Let me know if you pick it out.

House of Reanimator

It’s a close up of an older man’s face with really bad hair. The camera zooms out to reveal that the man is in a robe with DT monogrammed on it. We then see that he is sitting on a gold toilet. The camera continues back. The man grabs his chest. “But I have the best heart! Really, a stupendous heart.” He slumps down. The camera continues back and we see the bathroom is connected to the Oval Office. The camera pulls back further, through the wall revealing the White House.

Title Card

Herbert West sitting in his home podcast studio. He is in the middle of his show and is ranting and raving about how he has the cure for death but that the government is out to get him. Only his listeners really believe. He then starts to take listener’s calls.

“It’s big pharma too I bet. Think of all the money they would lose if people didn’t have to pay for their drugs. Just like how their vaccines cause autism. Their cure is worse than the disease.”

West looks pained and hangs up on the guy.

“For the last time audience, vaccines don’t cause autism. What’s wrong with you. Next caller.”

“You can’t trust the government, what with the chemtrails, fluoride in the water, FEMA concentration camps.”

“Going to have to stop you there too. What’s with the conspiracies. None of that is true. There is enough terrible stuff that the government does, why do people feel the need to make more up? You ever notice that these types of things just go away by themselves. When’s the last time you heard people talk about black helicopters?”

At that exact moment a fleet of black helicopters land on West’s front lawn.

People in black suits wearing sunglasses get out of the helicopters. West tries to run but is easily apprehended.

“You’ll never shut me down. The people have to know!”

“Herbert West. Your country needs you.”

We cut to the White House. West is lead to the Oval Office. He is greeted by the Vice President. There is a shadowy figure in the back of the room. The Vice President offers West a deal, a life for a life. If he agrees to resurrect the president, they will give West his life back. He will be given a fully paid for lab to continue his work as well as recognition from the scientific community. More importantly this is his patriotic duty.

West gives in. He injects the President with his resurrection serum. It works but in classic Reanimator style he comes back changed. He can barely speak and stumbles around. The shadowy figure whispers in a Russian accent, “perfect”.

It’s a few weeks later and everyone is scrambling. The President is going to address Congress. They have been attempting to coach the undead president. At one point he is distracted and bites an intern. There are no consequences.

It’s the speech. “America good… Other countries bad… bad different people… Not like you… why help… NATO bad… take all money… money good… Leave NATO… ”

West is horrified. He is ashamed that his serum still isn’t right.

The crowd goes crazy. They are eating it up. Congressmen are chanting “USA USA USA.”

West changes his expression. Under his breath, “this just might work.”

We cut to a hotel room. Paul Baily a Congress man is with his mistress Rebecca. He tries to get her back to bed but she is on her laptop.

“Have you seen these conspiracy theories? This new one is so insane. They are saying the President has all this extra orange makeup because he is dead.”

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure he was walking around…”

“Oh man you have to read this. The timelines and diagrams it’s so crazy. Apparently there was this incident at Miskatonic University in 1985 where this crazy Doctor made all these zombies, I mean that’s what these weirdos believe. And they are claiming that you can see him in the background. It’s seriously nuts.”

“I’ll tell you what, it’s the White House correspondents dinner tomorrow and I get to meet him, so I’ll let you know if he is actually dead.”

Before the dinner the president is shaking hands with members of the media and congress people. Paul shakes his hand and gazes intently into his eyes. Paul immediately texts Rebecca when he walks away. He says that there might be something to the conspiracy theories, the president’s tiny hands where disturbingly cold and there wasn’t anything behind his eyes. He goes to investigate.

As everyone in the audience is riveted watching the prop comic, the only person that could be booked for the dinner, Paul sneaks away. He sneaks to the green room and sees Herbert West talking to the shadowy figure. Paul continues to text with Rebecca about what he hears. West is uncomfortable about the morality of having a reanimation failure make policy. The Russian talks about how in fact this failure is much less pliable than it was before he died. Rebecca thinks Paul is fucking with her so she calls him.

Paul’s cell phone rings and the Russian and West turn their heads. They call for their private security force who run after Paul. Paul manages to escape and meets up with Rebecca. They sync up and figure out that this is all about the vote to withdraw from NATO.

When the vote happens a few days later Paul filibusters. He starts to read a Stephen King book out loud to kill the time. In another place West and the Russian are arguing. West keeps saying they haven’t done enough tests. It’s clear that the serum requires more work, so it’s just irresponsible to use the airborne version. The Russian says this isn’t a debate and plan B is a go.

We cut back to Congress. Paul is a few chapters into The Stand when a green gas starts to emanate from the back of the room. As it moves forward the representatives begin to change into zombies. They rush the podium. Paul fights them off and is barely able to escape. As soon as he leaves the room the private security force grabs him and takes him to West and the Russian.

The Russian starts to monologue about how the USA leaving NATO is inevitable and how after that happens Russian will become the only super power. Paul starts to talk directly to Herbert West. He talks about how West is a good man who wants to defeat death. He says that the Russians bring death and war and will destroy the life that West finds so precious. West takes this all to heart. He stabs the Russian with multiple syringes of his reanimation serum. The Russian grows into monstrous proportions. West and Paul fight him off as best they can. Paul sees a crate of vodka in the corner of the room. He makes a break for it and throws the crate at the monster. West lights a match and they are engulfed in flames.

It’s two years later. Paul and Rebecca are sunning themselves on a beach. Rebecca is talking about the craziness of the past years. Somehow the conspiracy theory haven’t gone far enough. People took everything in stride. 90% of the zombie representatives were reelected. Nothing really changed. Paul looks at her and says that at least they have each other. The congressman and his mistress walk into the sunset.

The End