Ashley Carter’s weekly reminder that she is in fact a crazy person:
Hi Guys,
So apparently I just write the material movies are based on now. This will one day be made into a coming of age movie. Or maybe an experimental film done entirely from household objects’ points of view. Enjoy!
The Clock
I just got home from work and a rehearsal dinner. I really have no idea what to write about, so this is all I could come up with. This may or may not be based on the Rudolph Wurlitzer novel Nog. Let’s see if I can finish this before midnight.
Merritt
Dave drives his dirty white van down an abandoned highway in the middle of the desert. He pulls up to a commune on the side of the road. People start to leave their tents and come out to greet the truck. The van has the words, “Say Hi” written on one side and “Fear the Creature Inside” on the other. The leader of the commune, Lockee, comes up and bows to Dave. The rest of the people soon follow. Dave is given a package and then heads back on the road.
This is my 21st Fake Movie Friday. Thus this is entitled
21st
We open on with our main character waking up in his bed to find his parents standing above him. He jumps as they shout HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN! He tells them to leave him alone. We find out it’s his 21st birthday, but he’s home for the summer from college. All his friends were unable to come or meet up so he’s stuck at home during the summer.
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I realised that I have never written a romantic comedy, well I’ll have to change that. Most romantic comedies have to have some silly obstacle that keeps our lovers apart until the finale, I mean there were two movies last year where the obstacle was that the two people are friends (No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits). Well I’ve got a hell of an obstacle for my star crossed lovers:
Bipartisan
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Wow today was busy at work, but here I am on the train home and it’s time for another Fake Movie Friday! This weeks title was suggested to me by Lisa last night at the Manhattan College Alumni Happy Two Hours. I decided this needs to be a weird experimental sort of film, mostly scenes with very little connecting it all…or is there??
Broken Glass
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I got nothing this week, so I figure I might as well tell the true story of how a black man in old timey Chicago created the first ever clock.
This film is directed byLee Daniels and it is super inspiring. (for this movie to work, you just have to be ok with ZERO timepieces existing before the 1920’s, so get onboard)
I’m in Massachusetts at my Dad’s visiting because my sister is around. I’ve been thinking of a premise since last night and nothing was coming. I just had a let a dryer repairman in so let’s run with that and make it cursed or something.
Permanent Press
A child plays around with cars on in a basement. He keeps hearing noises and looks scared. LOUD NOISE JUMP SCARE! It’s just a cat, lol jk. His mom calls him upstairs and he runs up.
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I didn’t know what to write, so I asked resident artist Colm “www.colmics.com” Ryan for a suggestion. He eventually gave me this title. This is easily my worst yet, because I lost all will to write it about 1 paragraph in. There was going to be a whole subplot about an evil scientist trying to merge the cartoon world and real world, then I realized I did the whole cartoon/real world thing two weeks ago. Oh well, enjoy:
Total Fluff
ASHLEY is back to remind you how crazy and weird her movie are. In case you forgot.
Hey guys! Sorry it’s so short and that this is the first one in a month and a half. I think from now on when I write fake movies, they are going to rhyme. Hope that’s okay!
Fred
Here’s a tale from New York
that starred an adorable dork
who is now so dismally dead.
He lived alone with his cat
in a small downtown flat.
His name was poor, pitiful Fred.
Sit back and I’ll tell you
about this poor fellow,
and his beastly beaus three.
He slit his own throat
in a rusty old boat
in the bay, down by the sea.
Now let’s rewind a few months
and consider the cunts
that lead poor Fred astray.
Each supplied a knife,
and a world full of strife.
that drove poor Fred to the bay.
There was Darla, of course,
who looked like a horse!
But we can’t really blame her for that.
She wooed him, and screwed him,
and downright abused him.
Then the bitch ran away with his cat.
We can’t forget Carry,
who was just a bit scary,
and incredibly, enormously fat.
Turns out her desires
were more to start fires,
particularly in his quaint little flat.
And finally Christine,
the beauty queen,
who came into his life with a strut.
Her face was sweeter than honey,
when she ran off with his money,
the gold digging, two-timing slut.
Our hero, bereft,
was sadly left,
feeling very small.
He walked onto the dock
and heard the gulls squawk.
And there he ended it all.