Fake Movie Friday: Children of Taft

Sorry I’m late today, but here’s what you’ve been waiting for! The long awaited follow up to the acclaimed film William Taft: Demon Slayer click the link to read part one if you missed it or want a refresher! Enjoy!

Children of Taft

We open exactly where William Taft Demon Slayer left off. It’s 1930, Former President Taft has just exploded unleashing a mass of demons and his three children Robert, Helen, and Charles prepare to fight them.

Robert, the eldest, is played by Karl Urban and takes out a cutlass and deftly handles a small batch of demons. He is graceful in his movements without being cocky. Helen, the middle child, is played by Anna Kendrick and is a powerful and beautiful Sorceress. She uses magic to take down another cluster of demons. Josh Hutcherson plays Charles, the youngest, and takes out two silver six shooters. He is cocky, brash and wild. He concentrates on killing only one demon and others escape behind him.

Robert chastises Charles for his behavior and they argue. They only stop when they see Helen crying over the remains of their exploded father. Funeral scene. Robert speaks eloquently as Charles hides in the shadows. Current President Herbert Hoover meets with the siblings privately and expresses his sympathy. He tells them to come to him if they need anything at all.

They return to their home and open up an awesome bat-cave like area. They talk about hunting down the remaining demons. Robert and Charles argue some more before Helen screams out in pain. She explains she was trying to feel the demon presence and something incredibly strong blocked her.

That night the two brothers go out hunting while Helen recuperates. They pass by a “Hooverville” and hear a scream. Charles runs wildly into the camp much to the chagrin of Robert who runs to catch up. Charles attacks a large group of demons trying to take away a group of residents. He is outnumbered and quips to Robert as they begin to fight. Charles fights a demon off a pretty girl and begins to flirt. She runs and he turns but does not see Robert anywhere. He has been taken.

Charles returns home to give Helen the bad news and she suggests that they go see President Hoover. Upon arriving at the White House they are denied entry and told that the President is busy. Charles gets angry but is kept out by a large tattooed thug played by WWE’s Batista, who the siblings note is out of place.

We cut to Robert regaining consciousness in a dungeon surrounded by demons. They run around him taunting him until someone whistles. A hooded figure approaches and laughs. He talks over flashbacks from the first.

“The eldest Taft at my mercy… Soon the circle will be complete. He thought he escaped us as a child. Thought he defeated us. He may have killed my father and many of my “brothers” but you have seen what we did to him. Soon we will do the same to you.” The hooded figure is revealed to be PRESIDENT HOOVER! He explains his plan, how the Great Depression was to destroy the countries morale, how the demons he brings into this world feed on the poor and downtrodden. Robert passes out.

Back to the Taft-Cave Charles gets angry as Helen tries to calm him. Helen stops and says “They’re here.” They are attacked by demons and an awesome fight on their home turf breaks out. They find a clue which points to Hoover somehow and attack the White House. Charles fights his way to the dungeon and is attacked by Batista before he makes it to Hoover. Hoover laughs and says, “You do not have the power to defeat me Son of Taft!” Hoover laughs until he his hit by a fireball.

“It is not Taft’s sons you need to worry about,” says Helen in the most badass moment in the film. Charles defeats Batista and Helen defeats Hoover. They rescue Robert and the two brothers have a heartfelt moment. On their way out they hear someone calling for help. It’s FDR! He says he doesn’t know how he got there but needs to get back on the campaign trail. He thanks the siblings for their help. Helen says, “You’ll be ok Mr. Roosevelt”.

Roosevelt walks away but Robert stops Helen and asks, “Why did you lie to him? I can feel the demon rot in his body. He will wither away and die”

Helen- “Yes, but he is what the country needs now. The demons are defeated. The legacy of Taft is no longer needed.”

Charles- “I hope you are right, let’s go.”

Fade to black

As the camera pans away into the dungeon but then a light shines from the ground and a small demon crawls out. BOOM! Title on screen says,

COMING SOON! THE LEGACY OF TAFT! The Trilogy will be completed!

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2 thoughts on “Fake Movie Friday: Children of Taft

  1. johnnytigs says:

    the Taft-Cave, amazing. I hope that the legacy of Taft is just ripe with random presidential cameos throughout time. FDR got a little Dark Knight treatment too, nice. BRING ON THE LEGACY!

  2. russ says:

    I absolutely love the Taft saga. I need these to be real

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