Fake Movie Friday: Mr. Garbageman

Happy Friday everyone. Last night was Pig Pile thus the title this week was audience produced. This one comes from my roommate Adam. I haven’t decided what it is about yet. So let’s wing it

Mr. Garbageman

Movie opens as a garbage truck makes its stops early one morning through the city. At one corner as the garbageman is tossing bags into the back he hears a noise. He movies some things around to find a baby, abandoned in the trash. He looks at it inquisitively and calls for the driver. The driver comes around and groans like he doesn’t need this grief. Cut to the cops there with the same blank stare looking down at the child. One cop groans the same groan and picks it up into the car. He scribbles a note onto his pad and places it onto the child. It simple says Garbageman. In the hospital the nurse at the front desk groans and takes the baby. Scribbling only garbageman on the chart. A doctor arrives to check on the baby. He groans and says, “So this is the garbageman child?” The title screen and credits roll over the paperwork being passed on an processed, naming this baby Joe Garbageman.

Montage as he grows up. Kids on the playground tease him. Every laughs at his college graduation. The waiting room at the doctor’s office chuckles as his name is called. Woman on dates laugh. People interviewing him laugh. Clients laugh. We zip through his life until he is old and alone. He lives on a quiet street except for the kids who come by every once in a while to yell his name.

One morning he is taking out his trash and hears a noise. He moves somethings around and finds a baby. He panics a bit and brings it inside. He sits looking at it and grabs the telephone he starts to dial the phone but the baby wakes up and begins to cry. He cradles it and gets it to stop as it falls asleep in his arms. He walks over to the phone, looking at it for a moment and decides instead to walk away.

We cut to him in the store holding the baby buying a stroller. The clerk looks at him strangely. He says it is a surprise for his daughter claiming that this is his granddaughter. Now with the baby in the stroller he heads off to the supermaket to buy everything he needs. People are looking at him oddly as he gets diapers and food. A clerk at the store recognizes him as the old grouchy Mr. Garbageman and asks about the baby. He lies and says it is a cousins kid who is visiting.

Next few scenes are just Mr. Garbageman and the baby going about town. Mr. Garbageman is actually a really great dad. In the park he ends up talking to Gladys, an older widow who he has never felt comfortable approaching. When she sees the baby she comes to him. The two realize they have a lot in common and she doesn’t laugh at his name. She tells him about her husband whose last name was Mattis. Making her Gladys Mattis. They both share a chuckle. They spend more time together taking care of the baby. Gladys explains how her husband had never wanted kids.

The word about Mr. Garbageman gets around town and someone calls child services to investigate as no cousin has been seen around his place. They take the baby away he he gets arrested. The trial of Mr. Garbageman becomes a big event for the small community. as the trial gets press, the birth mother and father come forward. They are a young couple of cleary shitty people with an implied drug problem. They are just looking for the fame but Mr. Garbageman is clearly losing his case as he is seeking custody.

As the trial continues, and it is seen how shitty the birth parents would be, the people around town start start testifying for Mr. Garbageman and how great of a parent he has been. Through a very passionate speech Mr. Garbageman wins custody. We fade from the cheers of the courtroom to the back yard of his house. Gladys emerges from the house with lemonade as Mr. Garbageman sits watching the now 4 year old play, calling him dad and her mom.

The camera pulls back into the sky and fades out but then back into a high school classroom. All the kids are being obnoxious as the teacher tries to take attendance on the first day. He pronounces Garbageman in a strange french way. The camera turns as the classroom hears this and quiets down. We see the back of the room, the now grown up child who says “No. It’s Garbageman. My name is Garbageman.”


One thought on “Fake Movie Friday: Mr. Garbageman

  1. Adam says:

    Loved it! Fucking Oscar-worthy!

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