Movie Movie Podcast

Some dude said I looked like Lena Dunham last night. I thought that was kind of weird, yet apropos after looking in a mirror. You know what else is sure to be weird? My Fake Movie Friday! Colm comes through again with yet another banger title:

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Frank is a professional gossip blogger. He has built his life on muck raking from some of hollywoods finest, but has never had his own big story break before. Most of the time he is just piggy backing off of other, more well known and renowned gossip sites and publications.

He’s barely making a living as it is, his apartment is tiny and roach infested. All he has is a mattress on the floor, an old white sheet covering it, a chair, a slab of wood for a desk and a macbook pro, 15 inch with all the bells and whistles. His rent is late, but he still makes it to Starbucks every day, working from the coffee shop and milling his single cup of coffee for as long as he can. He’s even made some friends in the workers at the shop, who will tell him all sorts of celebrity gossip about the people who come in, what they drink, etc.

His bills are getting out of control, creditors are calling him on his brand new iPhone 5, but he keeps at it. He complains to his friends but when they ask him why he doesn’t get a real Jon he tells them he’s doing what he loves and that’s more important.

It goes on like this for a while until one night at a bar he sees cool dude celebrity and all around good guy Johnny Depp walk in. He decides to go and talk to him, tell him what he does and see if he could get and exclusive interview. Frank pleads with him, spilling his whole life to him, which Depp listens to intently and has some kind and helpful words for him. Frank asks if he can have an interview and Depp agrees.

Frank, overly elated, thanks Johnny a dozen or so times then runs out of the bar and starts to call people. In his haste he is reminded on the phone that he never got Depps information or face him his card.

Frank runs back to the bar but JD is no longer there. He asks the bar tender where he went and the bartender tells him he went out the back with a friend. Frank rushes out there and opens the door just in time to see Johnny Depp shooting his friend in the back of the head. Frank closes the door in a hurry and runs away back to his apartment. There is a whole nauseating scene of him walking home and throwing up in an alley on the way.

The next morning Frank is at his computer with the story written up debating whether to hit “Publish” or not. He leaves the apartment to clear his head. He meets up with some friends who he tells what happened to. Some believe him, but others think he was just drunk. He heads back to his apartment and publishes the story. The news picks it up, there is a ton of attention around the blog, Johnny comes out in the press denying anything.

Frank starts to get lots of attention, there are interviews always and he has become a sort of celebrity, but everyone hates him. No on believes the story but he refuses to let it go. He also has lawsuits against him for slander and a restraining order against him but that doesn’t stop him from rummaging through Depp’s trash and stalking him, creating more stories based on what he’s seen that he believes all of this stuff proves his story right.

Things get worse, Frank no longer sleeps and becomes overly obsessed with whats happen. People throw things at him when he’s out in public, but he no longer has any money woes. Frank is a totally different person than he was now, he looks decades older and has lost touch with everyone. The trail finally happens and it’s a shit show. Frank loses his temper constantly throughout the trail, scaring all of the jurors while everyone else keeps their cool. The verdict comes in and it has been determined that Frank is mentally unstable, schizophrenic, has completely fabricated everything that happened and is ordered to a mental institution.

At the institution a doctor is showing a new employee around the building and giving them background information on all of the patients. When they arrive at Frank’s the doctor says, “and here we have a bona fide celebrity.” The new employee excitedly says, “Is that Frank Garris? I had no idea he was here?” Inside Frank’s room we can see him smiling as he listens to the doctors outside of his room talking about him.

THE END