Fake Movie Friday Submissions: Mi Mortigas Kaj Turmentas

Another big submission this time from the tiny Ashley Carter, giving Tigs a run for his money in the crazy catagory. Enjoy!

This is an indie film. One no one will see it. It was written and directed by linguistics majors for linguistics majors. Also weirdos (myself included, because I would watch THE SHIT out of this movie). Someone’s dad works in Hollywood, as an agent/producer/director or something of the sort, so the film looks much better than it has any right to. It is a nod to the 1966 film Incubus, starring a young (and confusingly handsome) William Shatner.

Mi Mortigas Kaj Turmentas

The film opens on Maurice, played by Geoffrey Arend (aka Christina Hendricks’ husband, aka the luckiest man in the world), walking through a New York City subway station. You will not be able to see any of the signs in the station, and will therefore have to guess which station it is. It will be annoying. We see Maurice leave the subway, walk to his apartment, and go in. The front door closes on the camera. The name of the movie appears over a shot of the closed door: Mi Mortigas Kaj Turmentas (there will be subtitles, but the actors will not know what they are saying unless they do their homework, making for some very odd line deliveries).


We hear a woman scream, “Kio estas tio?!”


Close up of the woman’s face (surprise! it’s Christina Hendricks in a role she did for her husband, obviously):

Maurice whispers in Hendricks’ ear:

Maurice (whispering): “Mi amas vin.”
*Pulls out barber’s razor*

Hendricks: *whimpers*

*Cuts Hendricks’ throat*

Electric Light Orchestra’s “Mr. Blue Sky” plays while Maurice goes about his apartment tidying up (he is moving around magazines, dusting, and re-positioning his furniture), stepping around Hendricks’ naked (you won’t see anything, there will be a plant, table, chair, map, computer, or some other ridiculously placed item in the way of all the fun bits), still bleeding body. The transition from this scene to the next makes no sense.

The movie has scenes of Maurice going on dates and interacting with coworkers. There are witty lines such as “Kio fari mi fari por plezuro?” *Maurice then looks at the camera and winks* and “Deziras al vidi mia apartamento?” (Maurice always answers questions with questions). There is a montage of Maurice luring different women into his apartment. Some he works with. Coworkers are overheard saying “Vi vidas Mary ĉi semajno? Sxi estas manki.” This goes on for far too long.

Finally, about an hour and a half later, we come to the last scene. Maurice lures Zooey Deschanel, let me repeat that, ZOOEY DESCHANEL, into his horrible (yet tidy) murder apartment. We see Maurice bring out his razor and say “Vi estas ne kiel bela, sed vi estos fari.” CUT TO BLACK. You do not see Zooey Deschanel die. She was in the movie for all of 1 minute, but will be on the poster. (There is some odd reason Zooey is in this. I don’t know it.)

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9 thoughts on “Fake Movie Friday Submissions: Mi Mortigas Kaj Turmentas

  1. peter says:

    I love the “favor to her husband” casting vibe.

    That dude could get a movie like this made for he is the luckiest man in the world

  2. johnnytigs says:

    Ashley wins the crazy prize for this week. I’m gonna have to think of something completely bat shit for next week. Shouldn’t be too hard. Excellent work, Ash, at making a movie that I would see, just read, and have no fucking clue what happened. But god damn it, please kill Zooey on camera. PLEASE.

  3. Dunn says:

    Pure craziness. It combines Ash’s love of language with her love of brutal woman killing. Awesome

  4. johnnytigs says:

    Can I say I’m surprised at the lack of use of the C-word in this post. Surprised and disappointed.

  5. Ashley says:

    Also, thanks Movie Movie Podcast guys for letting me (and everyone else) submit a Fake Movie Friday! I will definitely do this again.

    (All of my fake movies may or may not be in a language 99.9% of the world doesn’t even know exists.)

  6. Jenna says:

    wait what

  7. Ashley says:


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