Filed under Absolute Horse-shit News

Ghostbusters 3 To Happen Without Bill Murray

Dan Aykroyd has come out and said the following.

-Ghostbusters 3 will film next year.

-They will be passing the torch to a younger crew.

-Bill Murray will not be involved.

I read it and am coming out and saying the following

-No.

-No.

-And

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Dear Need For Speed Movie, No One Cares

Dreamworks has obtained the rights to the popular street racing videogame franchise Need For Speed and they have sent an offer out to none other than Taylor Kitsch to star in the lead role.

Haven’t we been down this road before? This is a case of “If at first you don’t succeed, try again, then if that doesn’t work, try again, and if that doesn’t work try again.

I’ll give it to Taylor, he should take this role, but I also at the same time admonish Dreamworks, because how do they think they are going to pull this off?  Kitsch is becoming reverse Hemsworth in that everything he touches turns to shit.  I don’t blame him because he has the look and the requisite action chops to pull shit like this off, but who thinks this is a good idea for a movie anyway?  This is Battleship territory again in which you are really trying to graft a story onto a game, that typically didn’t have one. The most they had in the way of story was you have to drive fast, but not get caught by cops.  If your story is one sentence long, you should probably just not make a movie out of it.

Also, remember when Fast and Furious did incredibly well and spawned a franchise that many love?  Yea?  Ok now remember Biker Boyz, Torque, and all the other shit storms that tried to capitalize on the appeal of racing?  They didn’t work.  Fast and Furious is the only one that did and if you look over at that franchise and the action talent it has between Vin Diesel and The Rock, its clear that one movie is making the right moves.  Kitsch should be very wary of putting himself in the other racing franchise even if it has a videogame fanbase and instead try to get himself inserted into Fast Six.  Everyone and their mother is in it and he would at least not have to carry the film.

Need For Speed has failure written all over it.  Dreamworks, Try harder.

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Sony Wants Your Money

They want it real bad but they just aren’t sure how to get it. In a recent interview Sony exec Douglas Belgard talked about a few films in development and 80% of it is total bullshit.
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Stretching My Patience

Currently the long in develop Stretch Armstrong movie is back on track. Why won’t this stop? It’s getting to the point in which if feels like we are being deliberately messed with.
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The Watch Ads & The Winston Treatment

Now I’m never one to cry racism (ok yes I am), but I just saw a new television ad for The Watch and it pissed me off.  This is a film, that based off of the talent behind the camera, and the second trailer, and the inclusion of Richard Ayoade as a lead character, has me very curious.  Yes it has Stiller and Vaughn in it, but this could be good.

Anyway what pissed me off was that it was one of those 30 second spots where in large font, they show the last name of one of the principal leads, and then a funny moment from that actor.  The ad starts as you would expect with STILLER. then VAUGHN. then HILL.  then it ends.  No AYOADE.  Why wouldn’t Ayoade get the big font tv ad treatment, if 3/4ths of the stars of the film get it?  If your response is that he is not a household name like them, I guess I can agree, but why would he get billing in the trailer and not in the tv ad?  Seems inconsistent.  Also it just seems weird that you would highlight 3 members of a 4 member ensemble.

Simple solution:  Give them all the big font treatment or none of them.

This shit happened with Ghostbusters and as a person of color, I guess these are the sorts of things that you notice in marketing.  Winston  (Ernie Hudson) had nothing to do with any of the ads, posters, promotional material, or videogames.  He was a main character of a franchise that you would have never known was even in it because that is how it was sold.  I don’t doubt the filmmakers just make the film they want without much concern over being exclusionary, but the directors don’t make the ads.  Marketers do.

I’m putting you on notice The Watch marketers.  Ya kinda being racially insensitive, but I’m still gonna see this movie cause it could be good, and could put Ayoade in a much better place in the US, and that’s a win for everyone.

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Batman Worked Because It Was Batman

That’s it! It’s time to make a ridiculous statement that I will in no means follow through on.

I, Peter, hereby swear that if during a films production I read a quote from a writer/director/producer that they want to do something like Dark Knight, that I will not see that movie.

Ok, I won’t follow that but come on.
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Frank or Francis are Dead.

Charlie Kaufman is one of my favorite writers currently working. ‘Being John Malkovich’ remains to this day one of the most daring scripts ever pitched. I can’t imagine what it was like trying to sell that plot. His was set to direct a script of his entitled ‘Frank or Francis’, which is sadly been killed. Here’s what we are missing out on.

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Greek Gods & How Hollywood Wants More?

The legend of Greek Demi-God Theseus is being made into a film tentatively titled Theseus.

“Wait, didn’t I already see that movie two years ago or this year when it was called Clash/Wrath of the Titans?” No you didn’t that was about PERSEUS.

“Wait, didn’t I already see that movie last winter when it was called Immortals?” You saw Immortals? Thats weird.  Well then yea you kinda did I guess.

Those are probably the questions that most people would ask when they hear that Hollywood is prepping a big-budget film highlighting that time Theseus fought a Minotaur.

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Who Are You Trying To Convince?

‘Kick Ass 2’ is getting close to production. Both the writing and directing duties are being taken over by Jeff Wadlow. Wadlow wrote and directed ‘Cry_Wolf’ which is only genius if you saw it in the same room as myself, Tigs, Dunn, and Alex. He also directed ‘Never Back Down’, the teen MMA movie.

Now he thinks he is an artist. Someone needs to remind him people liked the little girl slaughtering gangsters and saying cunt.

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Alex Cross & Dressing Up Like Daddy!

The trailer for Alex Cross (reboot of the Along Came a Spider and Kiss The Girls films) is here.  In the books by James Patterson, Alex Cross is a bad ass cool detective.  Idris Elba LOST this role to Tyler Perry.  Tyler Perry.  TYLER PERRY!  The funniest part of the this trailer to me isn’t all the dialogue where it sounds like Tyler Perry is trying to sound like his father, but instead when they show the names for the actors in the film and Tyler Perry’s flashes on the screen, and you realize it isn’t for a horrible comedy, but for an action thriller.   Dude doesn’t even have muscles!  Matthew Fox took over in the muscle department for this film it appears.

This movie could have been awesome if they replaced Madea with Stringer Bell/Luther

Check it out!:

http://youtu.be/NMVfoEegEuw

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