Fake Movie Friday- Jimmy Klipse Meets the Devil

It is Friday and you know what that means! We’re a little movie crazy over here at MMP, most of us are currently recovering from Avengers at midnight (“I’m getting too old for this shit” – Danny Glover speaking for us), and on Fridays we like to show you what you might be watching if we made movies. This one is called Jimmy Klipse Meets the Devil, it’s pretty awful, and I’m fucking tired…

Jimmy Klipse, played by Jason Ritter, a 34-year-old manager at a local chain book store called it Books N’ Things. His girlfriend of the last 5 years, Tanya, played by Emilia Clarke, is a Pilates instructor, painter and socialist. On what seems like a normal day, Jimmy walks into work to discover that the store owner has changed hands and he is now working for a person who wishes to be known only as Mr. Manedo, played by Jeremy Irons (or if he’s not available Hank Azaria).

Jimmy tries to appease Mr Manedo in any way that he can, but nothing seems to work. He tells Tanya about it constantly and she always tells him the same thing, that he is doing the best he can and to just be himself, that is what Mr Manedo is looking for.

One night while out at dinner Jimmy and Tanya at a Korean restaurant, Mr Manedo walks in and invites himself to the table. Tanya and Mr Manedo instantly hit it off, while he still remains cold to Jimmy. Mr Manedo invites them both out to his remote house for a drink. Jimmy, while reluctant, agrees and he, Tanya and Mr Manedo take off to the house. They arrive at what is more castle than house, and as Jimmy is admiring the structure Tanya smashes him in the back of the head with a brick, causing him to black out instantly.

There are no more words spoken until the very end.

When he awakes Jimmy is tied to a vice, and now there is a group of people all dressed in red and black robes formed around him. One robed person steps forward, removes his garment revealing that it is Mr Manedo, who is tattooed up like in Red Dragon. Another robed figure steps forward, holding a long blade. When the hood is pulled back, Tanya is revealed. She shows off the tattoos on her arms and back that contain the same markings as Mr Manedo. Tanya hands the blade to Mr Manedo, who takes the blade and places it in Jimmy’s tied up hands. Mr Manedo then impales himself on the blade that Jimmy is currently holding, and as the life dissolves from his eyes, Jimmy screams. Tanya then removes the blade, and begins to lick the blood off of the blade and drink the blood from the fresh wound. She then invites the rest of the cult to join in.

Jimmy watches in horror as this cannibalism happens in front of him. Tanya then takes a chalice, scoops out blood and entrails from the body in front of her, drinks what is in her cup, and then proceeds to force feed it to Jimmy like a mother bird feeding her young. As she backs away from him, Jimmy starts to freak out, the world turning blurry, and the colors of the earth running. Jimmy, in a state of panic and strength, breaks out of his shackles, and takes off into the woods. The cult chases after him.

The movies then cuts between Jimmy hiding from the cult, running through the woods, and him seeing visions of fire, brimstone, death and decay. He sees bright white lights overtaken by ultimate darkness. The cult is always close by, but they never seem to catch him. Whether it be a tree his is hiding behind, rocks, bushes, they always seem to pass by his area.

He begins to see what seems to be a pathway in the fire, leading him somewhere. At first he fights the urge to follow it, but soon whenever he has a vision he decides to follow the path set out for him. The cult appears to stop chasing him and as the sun comes up Jimmy continues his vision quest. The path of fire seems to lead to a mountain top, surrounded by darkness with a beacon shining on the apex. When he finally arrives the ground starts to shake, the flames start to grow in size, and the darkness vanishes, over taken by red everywhere. Flames start to burst out of his body, light screaming out of his pores, until there is an implosion and everything goes dark.

Jimmy wakes up in the place he was tied up earlier, only now Mr Manedo’s dead body is where his was once tied up and he is on the ground where the cult was feeding. Tanya looks at him, kneels, says “Mr Manedo,” as the rest of the cult also kneels before him. There is a sweeping shot above them as the camera flys outside of the castle our through the woods, which are currently on fire, up to the mountain top Jimmy ascended earlier, looking down upon Detroit.

The End.

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One thought on “Fake Movie Friday- Jimmy Klipse Meets the Devil

  1. peter says:

    I keep readimg this and each time it freaks me out.

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