Posted in November 2016

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Almost Like Me

I was sitting here binge watching the new Gilmore Girls when Pete texted me that he forgot to write a FMF today and wrote one at a bar, and there’s no way I’m letting him get one up on me this early into Vol 2. A few great title suggestions from Pete later and we have:

Almost Like Me

Scientist Spencer Bachman has been working with the department of defense for years, and they have started to get fed up with him. He’s been working on a cloning technology for years but there has always been something wrong with his creations. They’ve been unable to control them and they all eventually end up going crazy within the first few minutes of being created. Spencer has another meeting to show off what he has come up with. A shadowy council watches on as the newest clone comes out of it’s chamber. Spencer sits in a room with him and begins asking questions.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Barfight

Sitting at a bar and thought what Russ was talking about sounded like a great FMF. That’s when I realized what day it was.

Barfight

We open in a bar where the music has stopped and everyone gasps. The camera pans around to find a man behind dragged away as we then go close in on another man knocked out on the ground. Two men looking shocked go to pick him up.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Trick or Turkey

Ashley made me watch Nightmare Before Christmas and it was just Thanksgiving which we spend with Pete’s family (thanks Pete!) Tim Burton famously said “I was always very protective of [Nightmare] not to do sequels or things of that kind. You know, ‘Jack visits Thanksgiving world’ or other kinds of things just because I felt the movie had a purity to it and the people that like it.” You see where this is going.

Trick or Turkey

It’s the end of another Halloween. All of Halloweentown is celebrating except for Sally. She is depressed. Jack and their young son Sam sing a song about how good their lives are and how she should be thankful. She can’t be consoled, she brings up the fact that Jack always disappears around this time and is never honest about where he goes. Moreover Doctor Finklestein, her maker, disappeared earlier in the year and she doesn’t want to be alone. Jack is vague about where he goes but says it’s something he needs to do.
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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Tuscan Milf

We open on a digitally aged-down Sophia Loren, playing Vincenza, a very beautiful woman.  She is a single mother in her early 40s in the 1970’s.  She has two small children, a boy and girl and she lives a very hardscrabble life as a baker’s apprentice in a small village in the Tuscan province of Italy.  She barely makes enough money to survive.  That is until she meets Donnatella DeDonnalo, The Tuscan Milf. Donnatella tells  Vincenza, that she could live a much different life if she’d like to.  Donnatella is getting too old to continue on as the Milf of Tuscany, to which Vincenza asks “what is the milf of tuscany?” Donnatella tells her, “you have NO idea.”  We cut to a title card.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2 – Blood Orange

bloodorange

Blood Orange

Title suggestion from Tigs.

We open on an orange grove. Florida. Sunny and hot. A man wearing a sweat-stained white T-shirt walks into the frame. Hes got perfectly messed up hair and is the weird looking actor who plays Pete Campbell on Mad Men (Vincent Kartheiser). He has a reporters notebook sticking out of his back left pocket. Hes a bit nervous. He chews the cap of a blue Bic pen and twirls the pen in his right hand.

We follow him walking down rows of orange trees, camera close on his back, for what feels like an hour. Movie credits every single movie credit, even for things like art direction and costume designer appear on the bottom of the screen in bright white letters like movies used to do in the 1960 and 1970s and cool directors like Tarrantino still do today. Off-key ambient music plays.

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FAKE MOVIE FRIDAY VOL 2: Always a Groomsman

Holy crap they brought it back! I had to join the fun. After the show last night Alex, Cargile and I were talking about an idea for a movie, and I had to write it up as my first returning Fake Movie Friday. Here goes:

Always a Groomsman

Chet (Miles Teller) sits by himself at a bar. He looks miserable. The bar is packed, but he nods to the bar tender who immediately comes over, pours him a shot of top shelf whiskey which Chet makes disappear. The bartender puts out 10 shot glasses but fills them with bottom shelf whiskey this time. Chet gives the bartender another knowing look, and turns around. He looks like a different person, happy as hell and yells, “who wants to get fucked up!” to which the bachalear party he was with the whole time scream like idiots.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2- Gremlins in Paradise: Mogwai Luau

Holy shit we are back! After Andrew published the book of the original run of FMF we all got the bug. So last night at the 7th Anniversary Show of Pig Pile we all took movie suggestions! Let’s see how many weeks I last this time around.

Gremlins in Paradise: Mogwai Luau

We open on a plane. People are smoking on it so we can tell it’s the early 90s even without the terrible fashion. We pan to find Billy and Kate, now played by Andrew Garfield and Maika Monroe, sitting together clearly dressed for a tropical vacation. This will be a sequel/soft reboot to set up a new franchise. One of those movies that takes entirely too long to start because it thinks it has a lot of work to do.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: December Twice

WE’RE BACK! That’s right, it’s been a long time but we all got movie title suggestions last night at our show and it feels great to be doing this again. Since we haven’t done these in a while, I feel like I wrote forever and these are crazy long – nothing has changed. I had two ideas for my title last night, and instead of choosing one or the other, or trying to blend them together somehow I just wrote two. Now, without further ado, welcome back everyone to Fake Movie Friday! 2,185 words ahead of you, you’ve been warned. Enjoy!

December Twice 

At 6 am the radio alarm goes off “The skies are clear but bring a jacket with you, it’s a very chilly December 1st”. Jim October lifts his head up slowly, hits the snooze button on the radio and goes back to sleep. At 945 he opens his eyes, sees what time it is, shouts expletives and rushes to get ready. There’s a montage of him showering, et al to that Ryan Adams song “To Be Young” culminating in him being stuck in traffic as we turns down the radio to turn the song off for the audience. 

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