Author Archives: russ

Jun 01 2012
5 Comments
Movie Movie News

AICN Accurate Posts and the Godless Hours Where I Read Them

Last night I could not sleep, so I did what any closeted nerd would do and started reading the comments section of Aint It Cool News.  It’s basically a cesspool where nerds and fanboys bitch about stuff and I love it for that.  I was on the comment page for an article about Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and came across this post by a very smart gentleman who goes by the name of “tophat.” Tophat, in reference to the Xmen movies wrote the following and I have to say I agree:

“They’re never going to do time travel in the X-MEN…

by tophat 

…that would be too cool for 20th Century Fox to handle. Think about it, on July 18, 2014 we will have been stuck with this version of X-Men for FOURTEEN YEARS. Fox has had 14 years to get the X-Men right and have dropped the ball every-single-time. And, before any of you try to make excuses for these movies let me ask you this: No matter how much you might like certain moments, characters, scenes, etc. from these films, have they really been as successful adaptations as the Marvel Avenger movies? No. The answer is, NO. In my opinion thay haven’t even MADE a real X-Men movie yet. Just a bunch of movies about Eric, Charles, and Logan. It would have been like Marvel spending fourteen years making SHIELD movies where the Avengers pop in every once in a while as guest appearances. Fourteen-Fucking-Years”

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May 31 2012
2 Comments
Absolute Horse-shit News

Leprechaun Origins and Other WWE Bullshit

I forgot I even knew this was a real bit of actual news, but WWE Films is getting back into PG-13 and R rated film game.  They have spent the last 3, maybe 4 years making dramas and comedies exclusively for families.  Why? Because if you still watch wrestling (ok, that might just be me) you know that for the last few years WWE has been all about a PG rated franchise.  They love the youth movement.  However, the fans have grown restless with a watered down product and now the WWE is starting to show more teeth in it’s wrestling, but also in its films again.  Well one of the next WWE Films to show their return to darker films is LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS.  Yup. That’s happening.

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May 31 2012
3 Comments
Movie Movie Trailers

The Bourne Legacy Trailer and the Case of the Good Sequel-Boot

I am excited for this movie.  By placing it directly within the timeline of the Jason Bourne films they aren’t absolutely shitting on our intelligence.  Jeremy Renner looks very capable to take over for Matt Damon.  Universal reallllllly needs this to do well.  Battleship tanked, and Snow White is a big gamble.

Check out the newest trailer here!

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May 31 2012
2 Comments
Absolute Horse-shit News, Movie Movie News

Piranha 3DD And Why I Don’t Understand Hollywood

Yesterday Peter posted his dismay about Piranha 3DD being released in basically no theaters this Friday (It’s actually playing in 75 theaters, and ONE in NYC) and it got me curious as to what the hell is going on.  Well it turns out that The Weinstein Company and Dimension Films are trying out a new release strategy.  They are releasing Pirahna not only in theaters Friday, but also on VOD services as a rental.  So essentially if your cable provider allows new releases On Demand, you will be able to rent it right from your cable, or from services like Playstation Video Store, VUDU, or Amazon Instant Video.  It also has the distinction of being the first-ever Facebook 3D film release.  If you still want to watch this in 3D they will have  a version available that works with the old school red and blue glasses.  If you don’t have them, they will also have directions on how to ghetto-rig some.

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May 30 2012
4 Comments
Movie Movie News

GI Joe: Retaliation and Why I’m A Fanning Tatum

So since the worst news ever dropped last week that G.I. Joe 2 was being shifted out of it’s prime summer tentpole spot of June 29th, 2012, to the murky waters of March to be retooled for 3D, the only thing I’ve been able to think was, BULLSHIT.  There was absolutely no way it was going to take 9 months to reshoot a film for 3D.  Two years ago when Clash of the Titans (garbage movie) came out, it only took them 6 weeks to convert it for 3D.  There was absolutely no way that Paramount would move a film almost a full year just to add in 3D.  Hell, if they did 8 weeks of reshoots starting last week, they would still be able to get it out this summer and capitalize on August money, which is a notoriously slower box office month.  The only competition I can even think of is The Bourne Legacy and that is an unproven sequel-boot, much like this G.I. Joe film.

Well Deadline.com pretty much broke the news today that everyone suspected.  The G.I. Joe 2 test screenings were doing well with the exception of one major issue: they KILL Duke (Channing Tatum) in the first 15 mins.  This was kind of obvious from looking at the trailers.  They spend no time whatsoever even showing Duke, and they pretty much only highlight The Rock.  I don’t have an issue with that really, but the Box Office certainly would.  Between The Vow and the hilarious 21 Jump Street, Tatum has proven he is a legitimate draw at the box office, so killing him 15 mins in, will subvert any of the good will the movie was already starting to build up.  The fact that he’s not even in the movie enough to use in the ad campaign is telling.  He wasn’t even on the most recent posters, which have pretty much every character on them. So Paramount, caved and have decided not only to convert the movie, but keep Channing Tatum’s character alive long enough so that he can establish a relationship with The Rock.  I hope this all works out cause I think they finally nailed the proper tone for one of these films and I would hate for massive reshoots to turn what looks like a fun movie into a shitburger.

We’ll have to wait and see.

 

p.s. I like Channing Tatum and I have no arguable reason to back up that statement other than I like Step Up, Step Up 2 The Streets, and 21 Jump Street. One of those three films is good.

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May 25 2012
2 Comments
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – The Magic School Bus: The Movie

The Magic School Bus

This movie sucks.

From the creators of Night at the Museum comes Shawn Levy’s next big film.  The Magic School Bus: The Movie takes the classic book series we all loved, but punches it up for today’s moviegoing public.

The film opens on Carlos Ramon, and Ralphie Tennelli played respectively by Daryl Sabara, and Joel Courtney.  Carlos and Ralphie are two foster kids who are always getting into trouble.  They are High school freshmen and dangerously close to falling in with the bad crowd at McKinley HS.  One day they are caught by cops vandalizing the school and they are arrested.  As conditions for them not going to jail a judge, played by Whoopi Goldberg sentences the two boys to attend an alternate high school with smaller classes so that they get the attention the need.

The next scene opens on the two boys walking onto the campus of their new school, Walkerville High, where all of the kids seem to be rushing around and working on nerdy science projects and stuff. The bell rings and they walk into their first class, which appears to be Science 101 (yes a class called Science 101 doesn’t make sense on a hs campus, but whatever) and an excited teacher with VERY red curly hair named Ms. Frizzle, played by Amy Adams, says to the camera “Seatbelts everyone! We’re in for a BUMPY ride.”  A very Dr. Who reminiscent theme song begins to play as the kids rush to the bus. We don’t see where they go exactly, but we hear a lot of hooting and hollering and a whizzing sound before the bus takes off.  The screen shot of Magic School Bus The Movie shows.

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May 24 2012
3 Comments
Absolute Horse-shit News

“Ya Know What Needs A Remake? The EXORCIST, Bro!” – Worst Executive Ever

Yup.  The Exorcist is being remade as a ten part miniseries. Why? Cause why not, that’s why.  What grinds my gears about this even more is that that Sean Durkin is shepherding this project.  Durkin wrote last years almost perfect Martha Marcy May Marlene.  In my opinion, the best or second best film of last year (Attack the Block, and Shame are close competitors).  Why would such a talented writer/director with such a bright future in the business, be attached to something like this with such a high failure rate? I just don’t get it sometimes.  Do I doubt that he’ll be able to craft a great story even though a 2 hr film is being stretched into 10 hrs? Yes I do.  But why take arguably one of the scariest and well done horror films ever made and re-do it? Why not make something new and exciting? Fucking fuck.

 

I hate everything.  Unless Elizabeth Olsen signs on, and agrees to show her boobies.

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May 23 2012
4 Comments
Movie Movie Trailers Video

Is This The Great Gatsby?

NO.

 

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May 21 2012
8 Comments
Movie Movie Trailers Video

The Art of the Teaser

So many marketing companies, distributors, or directors themselves have no idea how to put an effective teaser together.  A teaser that is inherently a short trailer, is not a teaser.  A teaser with footage and/or dialogue from a previous film is NOT a teaser.  A teaser with dialogue from the film, but no footage whatsoever and instead a stupid revealing of the logo for the movie or something like that is NOT a teaser.  A well crafted teaser in my opinion offers you some dialogue and some footage from the film, but not necessarily of any correlation.  An effective teaser should make you want to learn as much about that film as possible, but not give you anything concrete.

An effective trailer in my opinion is for Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest film, The Master.  All I know is the movie has Philip Seymour Hoffman in it and Joaquin Phoenix, and has something to do with religion.  This trailer doesn’t give anything major away, but between the music and dialogue, I am very pumped for this film.

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May 18 2012
4 Comments
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – Pusher

Pusher 

I’ll preface this by saying, I thought this would be hard to do each week.  It’s scary how easy it is.

Pusher is the latest Jonathan Levine film (The Wackness, 50/50) starring Andrew Garfield as an ambitious young student name Nick Marshall at University of NY Law School (fictional, but it’s NYU).  He’s great in the classroom, is going to graduate at the top of his class and everyone likes him, including fellow law student Willa played by Bryce Dallas Howard.  Despite Willa’s father Police Chief Charles Winston, played by Ed Harris disliking Nick initially, they begin dating and are eventually engaged to be married.   While everything seems to be going well for Nick and he’s close to graduation, there is a big secret about him that no one else knows.  Nick has always been secretive about where he comes from and who his family is.  Turns out he actually the nephew of the infamous Santorini Crime Family headed by Vinny “The Dog” Santorini.  Vinny played by Chazz Palmintieri has been using Nick for years as a drug dealer.  Anything that the wealthy mafioso needs to sell he gives to Nick to unload on the wealthy elite and their students.  Because he only sells to the rich and powerful elite, there is very little chance that their will be blowback on him.  People like him and they like his products.
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