Category Archives: Fake Movie Friday

Jun 01 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – The Family Ink

Dudes.  It’s been a really long time since there’s been a shitty movie about tattoos.  Hang on there hasn’t been one ever? Ok well I just made one.  This would be directed that guy who made 21.  A piece of shit movie that made way more money than it should have.

Forest Green, played by Viggo Mortensen is a world famous Tattoo artist.  People from all over the world come to his parlor Green in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn because they want the best.  And he is the best.  There is a sequence early on that shows how flashy and great with an ink gun he is and it plays like a scene from Cocktail.  Everyone knows he’s the best.  He has no friends and family cause the only family he needs is his gun.  While he might be the best ever, time has passed him by.  He never adjusted tattoo prices and as a result, is falling behind on his rent for Green.  Also there is a new chain of Tattoo parlors in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I.D. that has been poaching business from him, and Logan Miller, played by Garrett Hedlund is one of their hottest guns.  Irwin Dean Miller, played by Henry Czerny (I.D.), is the brainchild behind the new tattoo parlors, and he is Logan Miller step-father.  He has turned the tattoo biz into a sterile, family friendly enterprise.  The creativity that has once been the staple of the tattoo parlor is gone, replaced with calculating efficiency and almost no care for the process.

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May 25 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday: Burger Time

Here’s my film. It’s an adaptation of the videogame Burger Time . Check the link if you’ve never heard of it. It’s really not important. There’s only one scene of food attacking. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVTssi7FLd0

Burger Time

The film opens at a burger place called “Burger Time”. It’s a quick montage to show how busy and popular the place is. Every loves Big John (played by Brian Dennehey) who has owned the place for 30 years and still runs the fryer. On the wall are pictures of Big John standing next to abandon McDonalds, Burger Kings, and Wendys that have all tried to take his business. Big John dies of a heart attack. Everyone looks sad and someone says, “We need to call his son.”

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May 25 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – Hackers 2: Hack the Planet

FRIDAY!!! I really do look forward to this, and I wish I could shut up about it. BUT I CANNOT AND WILL NOT. I also wish I could write a shorter treatment at some point, these things go on forever. This week I’m trying my hand at the set up sequel, the one where nothing really happens and it’s obvious a third will be coming since you just watched 2 hours of pointless shit. For your reading pleasure: Hackers 2: Hack the Planet

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May 25 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – The Magic School Bus: The Movie

The Magic School Bus

This movie sucks.

From the creators of Night at the Museum comes Shawn Levy’s next big film.  The Magic School Bus: The Movie takes the classic book series we all loved, but punches it up for today’s moviegoing public.

The film opens on Carlos Ramon, and Ralphie Tennelli played respectively by Daryl Sabara, and Joel Courtney.  Carlos and Ralphie are two foster kids who are always getting into trouble.  They are High school freshmen and dangerously close to falling in with the bad crowd at McKinley HS.  One day they are caught by cops vandalizing the school and they are arrested.  As conditions for them not going to jail a judge, played by Whoopi Goldberg sentences the two boys to attend an alternate high school with smaller classes so that they get the attention the need.

The next scene opens on the two boys walking onto the campus of their new school, Walkerville High, where all of the kids seem to be rushing around and working on nerdy science projects and stuff. The bell rings and they walk into their first class, which appears to be Science 101 (yes a class called Science 101 doesn’t make sense on a hs campus, but whatever) and an excited teacher with VERY red curly hair named Ms. Frizzle, played by Amy Adams, says to the camera “Seatbelts everyone! We’re in for a BUMPY ride.”  A very Dr. Who reminiscent theme song begins to play as the kids rush to the bus. We don’t see where they go exactly, but we hear a lot of hooting and hollering and a whizzing sound before the bus takes off.  The screen shot of Magic School Bus The Movie shows.

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May 18 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday: Explosive Surplus

Another Friday means more fake movies from your friends at MMP! We really look forward to Fridays here, probably because we hope some day someone will read one of these and think, “fuck yeah I’d like to see that!” Then they’d make it and we would talk about it on the podcast. Oh! I guess we could start making movies, but then what would we bitch about all day? I’ll take a stab at an action movie (OR IS IT?) this week with:

Explosive Surplus!

(PS This is so fucking long and awful. I apologize infinitely) (PPS I got the title from a random phrase generator because I couldn’t think of anything else and I liked it a whole lot)
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May 18 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – Pusher

Pusher 

I’ll preface this by saying, I thought this would be hard to do each week.  It’s scary how easy it is.

Pusher is the latest Jonathan Levine film (The Wackness, 50/50) starring Andrew Garfield as an ambitious young student name Nick Marshall at University of NY Law School (fictional, but it’s NYU).  He’s great in the classroom, is going to graduate at the top of his class and everyone likes him, including fellow law student Willa played by Bryce Dallas Howard.  Despite Willa’s father Police Chief Charles Winston, played by Ed Harris disliking Nick initially, they begin dating and are eventually engaged to be married.   While everything seems to be going well for Nick and he’s close to graduation, there is a big secret about him that no one else knows.  Nick has always been secretive about where he comes from and who his family is.  Turns out he actually the nephew of the infamous Santorini Crime Family headed by Vinny “The Dog” Santorini.  Vinny played by Chazz Palmintieri has been using Nick for years as a drug dealer.  Anything that the wealthy mafioso needs to sell he gives to Nick to unload on the wealthy elite and their students.  Because he only sells to the rich and powerful elite, there is very little chance that their will be blowback on him.  People like him and they like his products.
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May 18 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday: Death Checks In

Welcome to another installment of Fake Movie Friday. A special day in which we make up a bunch of shitty films. The worst part about them though, is that you can almost picture them being real. Which is the sad sad state of movies.

I’m Peter and this is

Death Checks In

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May 11 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday- Say Goodnight HelperTron

Today has been an incredible Fake Movie Friday. I really wanted to step up my game so here is something a bit more serious.

A few years ago Priest and the Beekeeper did an improv scene about a robot on a space station that has been stuck in my head ever since. I’ve been trying to turn it into a short story, but I’m in no means a writer. Here’s the film version then. Its one of those psuedo-sci-fi movies that people will scream about nominations but won’t get any, i.e. Moon.
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May 11 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – Where’s Waldo

It’s Friday! Be excited! The work week is ending, the weekend begins, and soon enough it will be Monday again. Before that happens though it’s time for:
FAKE!
MOVIE!
FRIDAY!
(The studio audience cheers)
I know the rights to this were purchased, which was bewildering to me at first. Then I thought about it, pondered a bit, mediated, slept, ran, thought some more and I think I know how it could to be done. I submit for your approval Where’s Waldo.

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May 11 2012
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Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday – The Lucky Picture

Nicholas Sparks is known far and wide for basically taking the same book and re-working it so he can squeeze another Channing Tatum vehicle out of it.  Knowing this, my good friends Michelle Tully and Tom Censani, came up with a play on The Lucky One called The Lucky Picture.  I have taken several liberties with their plot as it was originally only 4 drunken sentences I wrote on my iPhone in the bar.

The film stars Chris Pine as a down on his luck surgeon named Max.  Patient after patient has died on his watch and he is having what surgeons call “bad luck”.  He considers at one point giving up his profession, his life, and moving back from the big city to the midwest to open up a small-town practice. One night while out with his friends and few too many drinks, he takes a cab home and in the backseat there is a random polaroid headshot of a woman.  The photo is of Isla Fisher. He speaks to the photo and says something lame like “I bet she’s having better luck than me…wherever she is…”

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