Author Archives: russ

WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THE ROBOCOP REMAKE SERIOUSLY? Pt. 2

I guess the answer is yes.

Last week after Peter posted about the Robocop remake and the fact that Samuel L. Jackson signed on as a media mogul and Gary Oldman, as the man who puts the Robo in Joel Kinnaman’s Cop, it looks like they’ve gone ahead and cast the villain.  Hugh Laurie.  Doctor House.  I think this is a good piece of casting.  He’s been good in mostly everything he’s been in, including his Dr. Sherlock show, so I think he’s got the chops to pull this off.  Also, now that House is over, he can finally start acting in films as more than just a secondary or tertiary character.  Within the next two years I can almost bet that Hugh Laurie and Bryan Cranston will be snapping up every 50 year old man role in Hollywood after crushing it on tv for the better part of the last decade and I can’t think of two actors more deserving of some great roles.

While I still find this film utterly unnecessary, they’ve gotten my 14 bucks now.

 

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Stuff of Legend & Disney’s Hunt for Male Demo

Disney for the last 5 years or so has been doing everything it can to get it’s hands on the elusive young male demographic.  You know those guys that go see explosion the movie, or play Call of Duty: Future War (that’s a good idea for a game and I want full credit).   They made Prince of Persia and Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and those were both terrible bombs.  Then they went and bought Marvel, and rebranded Toon Disney to be more of a young males network, somehow turned Tron: Legacy into a 400 million worldwide earner, and made Avengers the most awesome popcorn film maybe ever made.  Despite the bombing of John Carter, they are now playing with house money and can take some chances.

The graphic novel The Stuff of Legend, I have not read, but it sounds like the perfect project for Disney to adapt into film.  It centers on a young boy, who in the 1940’s gets dragged into “scary Narnia” by The Boogeyman.  His dog and his toys then go into that realm called “The Dark” to rescue him.  When they enter that realm however, they transform into larger more threatening, weaponized versions of themselves.  Like I said I have not read the book, but I will probably pick it up this week, cause this sounds like the kind of dark stuff that Hollywood has shied away from over the years.  In the right hands this can be something special.  In the wrong hands however this can be a nightmare.

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Moby Dick and Two Film Theory

Deep Impact/Armaggedon.  Antz/A Bug’s Life.  The Truman Show/Ed TV.  The Illusionist/The Prestige.  Prefontaine/Without Limits.  Infamous/Capote.  Madagascar/The Wild.  Dante’s Peak/Volcano. Tombstone/Wyatt Earp. No Strings Attached/Friends With Benefits.  Chasing Liberty/First Daughter.  Paul Blart: Mall Cop/Observe and Report.  Mirror Mirror/Snow White and the Huntsman.

Notice a trend there?  Everyone kinda know that this happens, but it’s not new, and it wont stop.  Hollywood on a regular basis, greenlights two films with pretty much the same plot or very similar plots and then rival studios race to get their film out first and claim to be the better of the two.  No matter how the releases work out, one is typically deemed the box office/critical victor, while the other is the dud.

It’s going to happen again, but this time to Moby Dick.

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Ghostbusters 3 and Why Wont They Stop!

When I was a kid, Ghostbusters was my favorite movie, cartoon, and toy line, by a wide margin.  My older brother was a Transformers/Voltron guy, and I transitioned right from Care Bears ( I WAS YOUNG!) to Ghostbusters.  I thought it was kinda spooky, funny, and cool all rolled into one property.  I even loved the sequel Ghostbusters 2 because there was more Slimer, slime in general, and I was part of the Nickelodeon generation, so I was REALLY into anything that was slimy.  Weird, but I was.  Anyway, as I’ve grown older, I realized a few things: The Ghostbusters cartoon was kinda shitty because it was Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters, not the Ghostbusters, and that second movie was retarded.  It was great for a kid, but it really has no staying power.  It also infuriates me that G2 is on Netflix streaming but not G1.

Now every few months, we get word from Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd that their new script for G3 is going to be great.  I am sorry but Ramis hasn’t written or directed anything decent since Analyze This.  I don’t even consider it a good film, but I will admit that it largely was considered good.  And Aykroyd hasn’t written or directed anything good since the first Ghostbusters, so I don’t have a lot of faith in these two shepherding a new film in the series even if its with the assistance of two writers from The Office.  Basically, I don’t want this movie to be made.

Bill Murray seems to be the only person in Hollywood on my side.  I trust his opinion and think he’s one of the smartest working comedic actors maybe ever.  He has range, talent, and knows how to avoid a shitty project for the most part.  He hasn’t liked any of the scripts, or rewrites thus far and said that he doesn’t want to do it unless the script is perfect.  If that is the case I think two of the following things should happen:

1) stop trying to make this movie.  Bill Murray is the big gun of the series and it doesn’t seem like he’s dying to get back to it, so just don’t do it.  Moving ahead without him means we’ll get a Ghostbusters: The Next Generation and I don’t want that either without a proper torch passing.  I can live without seeing Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel as new Busters with Aykroyd playing their boss.  Trust me that’s what it will be.

2) Bring Bill into the writers room.  I know he doesn’t really write as much as he just acts, but his take on what should happen should be the most important thing at this point.  If you don’t believe me, look at his IMDB credits for the last 15 years and then look at everyone else’s.  Game. Set. Match.

I want to see a Ghostbusters 3 movie in my lifetime, but only if it’s perfect.  I don’t need to see a threequel 25 years later that could have just been Evolution 2, and that’s the feeling I get from everything I’ve heard thus far.  I hate what happens to franchises that just get licensed and sequeled to no end.  Terminator 1 and 2 are perfect, but the franchise has been run through the ringer with T3, Salvation, and the Sarah Connor Chronicles that it doesn’t hold the weight that it used to and in your mind Terminator is just like anything else not. No longer a standard bearer.  Ghostbusters would end up having the same thing happen if quality is not put into the script.  They’ll probably make the next one with a trilogy in mind and then we’ll go from one great film, decent sequel and cartoon, to one great film, decent sequel, decent cartoon, and shitty trilogy.  I can live without the latter.  Can’t you?

 

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Venom and Why I Dont Care About This Movie

Making a Venom movie at this stage of the film re-incarnation is a really bold concept.  You already butchered the character in an unnecessary sequel, and you are in the process of relaunching Spiderman as what appears to be an unnecessary franchise.  So with this new incarnation barely off the ground, it’s a really dumb idea to try and give Venom his OWN movie for many reasons

1) Avi Arad stated that the Venom of these films would be both Eddie Brock and a heroic Venom.  He wouldn’t be bad or anything until he saw Spiderman.

2) a Venom standalone movie doesn’t work because his entire origin is tied far too closely to Peter Parker, so unless Venom shows up in this new Spiderman series, and then gets spun out, it wont work.

3) Venom is not nearly the household name people think it is.  He also looks like a monster which means, you will continually have to use CGI for your main character who is an A-level spidey character, but a C-level Marvel Universe character.  Hulk all CGI works cause everyone on earth knows hulk.

4) Venom is kind of a brat.  “I want to be a hero too, but fuck that guy [spiderman]”.  I don’t know how you get people behind that character unless you drastically change his motivations, origins, and intrinsic characteristics.  At that rate is it really worth it.

The basic issue at hand is that Sony owns the rights to the Spiderman universe and they can’t make a Spidey movie every year, so they have to get creative with how they monetize that world.  If I were them I would just sell the rights back to Marvel at a PREMIUM and use that cash to go and buy some other franchise.  Marvel can do it better than you, and you can go use that money keep other projects afloat.

I should be an exec, cause I would kill this movie in a heartbeat before it becomes an uninspired stillborn wreck.

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Fake Movie Friday – The Little Zombie

This week I had no idea what the hell to make a shitty diapery movie about this week, until I started listening to Zombie by The Cranberries.  Then it came to me: A movie about zombies for kids!

In 2040, the world has been ravaged by war and nuclear fallout.  97% of the population in the world has been killed as a result.  One unintended side-effect of the war is that once the radiation began devastating the land, with it came the zombie plague.  Apparently zombies can be created by taking perfectly normal people and exposing them to radiation.  That is necessary for this movie.  Ok so there are very few uninfected humans left on earth, and the zombies have begun banding together to, like families to find the humans and feast on them so that they can survive.

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Captain America 2 and Keeping My Inner Fanboy At Bay

So Captain America 2 finally has a director and it’s not Joe Johnston, who did a masterful job.  It’s Joe and Anthony Russo.  Directors of many episodes of Arrested Developed, Executive Producers of Happy Endings and Community (two of the funniest shows on tv), and Directors of You, Me, and Dupree, an utterly useless and unfunny Owen Wilson vehicle.

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Black Panther And Why You Are Racist If This Doesn’t Interest You

So rumor has it that the powers that be, in understanding that their Marvel universe needs expansion, are planning on not only getting an Ant-Man movie out (which could be cool), but there are also plans for a Black Panther film.  Now before everyone goes all “this wont work in film” I’ll ask the question: why?  Most of the people who’ll say this largely don’t read comics, let alone Black Panther comics, which leads me to believe, you probably just don’t think there is a place for black superheroes.

Is odd as it seems, the ONLY place where I think it would be well-received or accepted would be in the Marvel universe.  Because they control the vision of their characters, important themes don’t get left by the wayside.  Besides Wakanda has been alluded to in Iron Man 2, Cap’s shield is made of Vibranium, which comes from Wakanda, and before that from an alien meteor, so all of the elements are in place.  Black Panther in the Avengers cartoon is almost exactly how he would play in this universe.  He’s like their Batman.  There sometimes, and not their others. Very mysterious and always in the shadows. I think there are a number of actors who could pull this off, but Chwietel Ejiofor seems like the best choice.

I hope that one of the secret Marvel films in the next two years is this.

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X-Men:Days of Future Past and Timelines That Dont Work In Film

There is a rumor, which I hope is just that, that the latest Xmen film will center heavily around the early 80’s “Days of Future Past” story written by Chris Claremont.  The jist of that story was in the future mutants were put into internment camps run by Sentinels (which would be cool to see on film), and Kitty Pryde had to go back in time like John Connor, to stop it all from happening with Wolverine’s help.

Now if this is supposed to be reworked for the First Class movie-verse, I have serious issues with it.  First off, despite Havok having nothing to do with Cyclops or even hinting at a relationship and being older than Cyke, which is not true, the film did a good job of stripping away all the other bullshit and telling a story that made sense and kind of rebooted the awful continuity that has plagued the franchise.  My fear is that introducing time-travel and alternate timelines will simply be an excuse to add in more useless mutant cameos, instead of really having much to do with the plot.  Also neither Kitty Pryde or Wolverine really figure into this current rebooted x-world, so you are either adding them, and rendering all the other characters minus Magneto, Xavier, and Mystique (cause it’s Jennifer Lawrence), useless.  Also Kitty Pryde was in Xmen 3, so she couldn’t be in this unless she was a super fetus.

If this is the proposed sequel to the original Xmen franchise, fine, cause I don’t care about those.  But Matthew Vaughn did such a good job establishing an A+ world, with B team characters, that I would hate to see his world reduced to a shitty adaptation.  But you have to remember Xmen rights are owned by 20th Century Fox and they are notorious for fucking up most genre stuff these days.  I blame Tom Rothman.

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Fake Movie Friday – The Family Ink

Dudes.  It’s been a really long time since there’s been a shitty movie about tattoos.  Hang on there hasn’t been one ever? Ok well I just made one.  This would be directed that guy who made 21.  A piece of shit movie that made way more money than it should have.

Forest Green, played by Viggo Mortensen is a world famous Tattoo artist.  People from all over the world come to his parlor Green in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn because they want the best.  And he is the best.  There is a sequence early on that shows how flashy and great with an ink gun he is and it plays like a scene from Cocktail.  Everyone knows he’s the best.  He has no friends and family cause the only family he needs is his gun.  While he might be the best ever, time has passed him by.  He never adjusted tattoo prices and as a result, is falling behind on his rent for Green.  Also there is a new chain of Tattoo parlors in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I.D. that has been poaching business from him, and Logan Miller, played by Garrett Hedlund is one of their hottest guns.  Irwin Dean Miller, played by Henry Czerny (I.D.), is the brainchild behind the new tattoo parlors, and he is Logan Miller step-father.  He has turned the tattoo biz into a sterile, family friendly enterprise.  The creativity that has once been the staple of the tattoo parlor is gone, replaced with calculating efficiency and almost no care for the process.

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