Author Archives: peter

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Yesterday’s Heroes

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can finally say this after 2 long years of not writing these, and 2 long weeks of writing them:

This week’s title was suggested by Tigs.

It just feels right. This movie is based on the pattern of if we have enough young people movies an old person version will come next (Space Cowboys, Last Vegas, Dirty Grandpa).

Yesterday’s Heroes

We open in a bar. A bunch of flashy youths are doing shots and all sorts of shenanigans. There’s a hotly contested arm wrestling match, really good dart games, and crazy pinball scores with people hardly even looking. Everything seems too good. A women yells, louder than normal, and everyone turns to the TV. A news story recounts an attack in some city and the bar clears out real fast. The news story changes as now a seemingly similar group of young heroes fight the threat. We pan around to the old bartender Dale, played by Robert Redford (78), looking gruff and annoyed. He sighs and starts to clean. Continue reading

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Barfight

Sitting at a bar and thought what Russ was talking about sounded like a great FMF. That’s when I realized what day it was.

Barfight

We open in a bar where the music has stopped and everyone gasps. The camera pans around to find a man behind dragged away as we then go close in on another man knocked out on the ground. Two men looking shocked go to pick him up.

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Fake Movie Friday Vol 2- Gremlins in Paradise: Mogwai Luau

Holy shit we are back! After Andrew published the book of the original run of FMF we all got the bug. So last night at the 7th Anniversary Show of Pig Pile we all took movie suggestions! Let’s see how many weeks I last this time around.

Gremlins in Paradise: Mogwai Luau

We open on a plane. People are smoking on it so we can tell it’s the early 90s even without the terrible fashion. We pan to find Billy and Kate, now played by Andrew Garfield and Maika Monroe, sitting together clearly dressed for a tropical vacation. This will be a sequel/soft reboot to set up a new franchise. One of those movies that takes entirely too long to start because it thinks it has a lot of work to do.

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Fake Movie Friday Year Two Spectacular

Hello Friends. It’s week 104. Here ends year two of Fake Movie Friday. Thank you everyone for the support over the last two years. If you’ve ever given me a title, I love you. If you’ve ever read one, I love you. Huge thanks to all the friends who have tried their hand at writing one over the last two years.Very special shout out to Russ and Andrew who wrote a ton of films and helped the site a great deal when we used to actually post here. Of course none of this would be possible without Tigs, writer of over 52 films, and who gave me more 7 or 8 brilliant titles to choose from almost every week of this second year. Check facebook for the maybe 20 other titles of his I didn’t use this week.

I got a ton of titles on Facebook this week. I’m skipping the ones that have already written themselves/have a built in plot/were jokes. That’s not what Fake Movie Friday is about. But thanks to all. I’m sorry if I didn’t get to your title.

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Fake Movie Friday: Everlasting Never

So close to glory. One week away from triumph. One more week of futility. Title comes from Tigs, the alpha to my omega, if those things are secret lovers.

Everlasting Never 

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Fake Movie Friday: Black and Forthe

I wrote an outline for this at my regional meeting today. The title that I was originally going to work from was Back and Forth, but I think it was one of my finer ideas to change it to this.

Black and Forthe

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Fake Movie Friday: Buck, Naked

I’m writing this on Thursday. I just asked Tigs (my moon and my stars) for a title and he got mad, and was hoping I would have forgotten and he could spring this on me tomorrow in NOLA. Well since my one supporter wishes me to forget then I think that means I can’t stop at 2 years. I must keep going!

Buck, Naked

We open with Dale in his office. He works as a real estate agent in a town just outside a big city. He looks bored at his desk. His boss calls him in and tells him that he’ll be taking a big listing from him. Dale is peeved, but keeps it together. his boss gives him a different listing. Somewhere a bit out of town by the woods. He leaves his bosses office and is chatted up by Christy, the secretary. He heads home early a bit upset. When he gets there he finds his girlfriend in bed with the neighbor. They fight and she leaves only to go next door and stay with him.

The next day he gets up and heads to the new listing. He cleans up a bit and such to get ready to show it. He opens the curtain to the sliding door leading to the backyards and in the woods catches a glimpse of a fully nude man walking by. He double takes and loses sight of him. He continues with his work and has a family come look at the house. He is showing them around and notices the naked man again. He does his best to keep the family from the windows. He is unsuccessful and the family leaves in disgust, not liking the neighborhood.

Dale heads out into the woods in search of the man. He finds a small camp set up and starts looking around. He turns to find the naked man, who turns out to be a super friendly laid back man named Buck. Buck lives in the woods away from society and doesn’t believe in clothes. Dale tries to get him to leave the area so he can sell the house but Buck is just to sweet and the two end up hanging out and talking. Dale tells Buck a bit about his recent problems and actually feels a bit better. Buck tells him that he’ll try his best to stay out of sight.

Later Dale answers his door to find his ex crying. She is trying to apologize and says she made a mistake. Dale is a bit sympathetic but is interrupted by the doorbell ringing. He opens it to find Buck, still naked. Dale is shocked as Buck walks past him into the house. Dale’s ex screams as Dale tries to explain what is happening. She gets weird and Buck is completely friendly and introduces himself.  He tell Dale that he got his address from the Real Estate company. Dale’s ex leaves. Buck feels bad but tells Dale that getting back together with her was a bad idea anyway. The two end up hanging out and having a good night.

Buck tells him all about how being nude can help you get a much better feel for your surroundings. Dale heads to the listing and takes off his clothes. He feels great and runs around the house making some minor adjustments to things and the house looks great. He ends up getting a family the next day to put in a offer. He heads home excited and sits around his house nude. He begins moving things around and someone knocks on the door. He answers it nude without thinking and is met with Christy. She gasps and he shuts the door, grabbing a robe, and apologizing. She was stopping by to bring him some paperwork for the house. He tells her a bit about Buck and they end up having a great time. She kisses him quickly before leaving.

The next day at work he gets into trouble for sitting in his office nude. His boss tells him he knows his girlfriend left but he needs to pull himself together. He tells Dale he’ll be taking over the house he just got a family to put a bid in on, a development is interested in the land and would be a bigger deal. Dale heads into the woods to hang with Buck, the both of them naked. They decide to start messing with Dale’s boss. They ruin the development deal being all around the area nude and Dale is fired. Buck tells the boss that he is fired. The boss is confused and it turns out Buck owns the house and all the land around it. He was interested in selling but now he has decided to keep it.  The boss turns in a huff and tells Christy to come with him. She instead takes her clothes off and joins Buck and Dale. We cut ahead and they all live in the house and surrounding woods. They have been joined by others in a small nudest group.

 

The End

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Fake Movie Friday: 100 Knights

Hey look! It’s week 100. I have so many people to thank. Not, really. Just Tigs, the Brando Moreau to my weird tiny dude. But anyway, as I’ve said, really more excited for 104, bringing me to 2 years of wasting my time and yours.

100 Knights

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Fake Movie Friday: Don’t Let Them In

So I’m not entirely sure what the nice gal at Pig Pile last night said. The title may or may not have had don’t. Whatever. Jaspers lost so life is meaningless. Been doing a lot of horror stuff lately and this just screams it.

Don’t Let Them In

We start at on old farm, the wind rustles and the corn starts moving in a strange way, like an unseen force is pushing through it. An old man stands by the door looking around though he sees nothing. He turns and walks back down the hall but hear’s a voice say ‘Help.’ He turns to see a small child in rags at the door. He lets the child in, and the wind pushes him back. The door is hard to close as if something is pushing from the other side. We cut to a wide shot of the house, the mans scream is heard, we cut to day time, the house looks decades older is in shambles.

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Fake Movie Friday: The Morning After

Greeting friends! I don’t have a ton to say right now so let’s get right to it. Title comes from Tigs, who puts my Cat in a Hat

The Morning After

We open with a helicopter shot looking down on a small cabin. At a high speed we have a single car drive up, the lights coming on, someone skinny dipping in the lake behind it, a few more cars showing up, a party, some people leaving, a mysterious figure entering, people being chased, people being killed, a car crashing, a car driving into the lake, and finally as the run is rising a 4 people running from the burning house. Cut to title card.

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