Hey friends! I haven’t written a romantic comedy in a while and those are the most fun to write. Well I guess this is more romantic than comedy, because frankly I am trying to make you cry.
Memories of Tomorrow
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Hey friends! I haven’t written a romantic comedy in a while and those are the most fun to write. Well I guess this is more romantic than comedy, because frankly I am trying to make you cry.
Memories of Tomorrow
Continue reading
This weeks FMF is my attempt at one of those Creepy Kid Scary Movies that comes out in late August/early September. It will be the directorial debut of some Spanish or French filmmaker, and it will be long and boring, and if you feel like it’s every creepy kid movie rolled into one, that’s cause it is.
Here goes!
Kodi Smit-McPhee stars as a lonely orphan boy named Toby. He lives in an orphanage run by Janet Prickle, played by Kyra Sedgwick. She is your run of the mill really mean house marm. Whenever one of the boys in the orphanage acts up or does something she doesn’t like, they stuck in The Black Box. It’s a really small room about 5 by 5 that has no windows so it’s pitch black. Typically when a boy enters the box, they are stuck in there for an hour. Prickle thinks the boys fear the lack of space and scream because they are afraid of the dark, but little does she know that there are dark spirits that feed on the dark and the fear.
All of the boys at the orphanage pick on Toby because he is generally quiet and easily frightened. They play tricks on him and stuff and never get caught. Toby often draws really cool but dark pictures of him fighting back against the bullies. One of the biggest tricks they often pull on him is stealing his nightlight. He’s 10 years old and still needs a nightlight so they rip on him for that. In a later scene we see the boys steal his nightlight and then pick a fight with him. He is too afraid to hit them back, and knowing this, one of the boys hits the other one, and blames it on Toby. Prickle comes and sees the boy lying of the floor and begins to chastise Toby. She tells him he’s going to spend the day in the Black Box because fighting isn’t allowed. Toby is normally ok with this, but when he reaches into his backpack he sees his nightlight is gone and this sends him into a panic. He pleads not to get sent to the Box but Prickle ignores his cries and send him back in locking the door. This time, the camera follows Toby in and then we see a creature come out of the shadows and it roars directly into Toby’s face, he screams and passes out. The next day he has a white patch of hair on the side of his head and the kids make fun of him for that. One of the bullies who isn’t as bad, tosses the nightlight back on to Toby’s bed and he’s clutches it tightly.
I brought up the fact a while ago that there hasn’t really been any R rated monster movie franchises recently. Hollywood is fine with making Alien, Predator, and to a lesser extent Terminator movies instead of innovating and creating something new. Inspired by Predator, The Expendables and Left 4 Dead here is my attempt to create a monster movie franchise:
The Law of the Jungle
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This is going to be really weird. I brainstormed this one with Andrew and Ashley today at lunch, after Ashley gave the suggestion of “pickle.”
Dill Kill
We open on Phil, a pickle artisan. We see him shoving something into a brine. His son is watching him in the corner. We see a porcupine in a cage also watching Phil.
“Come here, pickles.”
Both his son and the porcupine look, but Phil is only interested in the porcupine. We see Phil trying to shove the porcupine into a pickling jar. The son watches. Continue reading
With Premium Rush coming out this weekend to be nothing other than a schlocky mess, I figure we are ripe to have some more EXTREME action movies coming out. This film will be directed by any hack like Rob Cohen.
This film starts off with two brothers at the top of a gondola in Vail, Colorado. They are all getting ready to ride down a diamond course and we see one of them , Rick, played by Mike Vogel is nervous. He’s not as experienced as his older brother Ryan, played by Anson Mount. Ryan encourages to just do it anyway, and when they begin to ride, an avalanche starts. They attempt to out ride the avalanche and are doing well, but it starts to get faster and Rick, decides to ride up a half pipe (that is conveniently in the middle of the course) and get big enough air to grab on to a high tree branch. His brother follows suit, but does not get enough air and grabs onto Ricks board. Rick tries to grab him and bring him up to safety, but Ryan says it’s too late, he’ll end up bringing them both down. He says “never stop riding” and he falls in slow motion into the avalanche, and we assume he dies. Rick screams no, and at that moment a helicopter comes to get him out of the tree, and the the Title Card “SNOWBLIND” comes onto the screen.
So I’ve been without Cable or the Internet for the past few days. I was going to write a movie about a world where we lose these things but realized it’s been done. It was called ‘The Postman’ and it was PERFECT. So here’s a film about a magic library instead.
Seeing Books
It’s raining and a kid sits out in front of his house. He calls his mom on her cell phone but it goes right to voicemail. He tries the door again but it’s locked. He notices some neighborhood toughs coming down the street and tries to hide but they see him. A standard kids-movie bullying scene follows. It’s not overly mean as much as awkward that the bully is putting in so much work.
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I asked for a suggestion of a movie title last night at the show to write for today. I couldn’t have asked for a better title, too bad the movie is going to be awful! It will be a hybrid animated / live action à la Cool World.
Midnight Globe Trouters
Holly, Jack and Frank (yeah those are the names of the main characters from Cool World) have all been best friends for years and at the end of this summer, just before they all move away for college or some bullshit, they decide to go on a week long fishing trip booked by Holly’s father, whom she hasn’t seen in years but sends her messages every so often. Holly’s been afraid of the water since she was a little girl and is facing her fears. They arrive at the boat and Captain Torture is there to meet them. “Har har, it’s only a name. Get ready for the trip of a life time,” he says upon first meeting the group. Continue reading
The idea for this film came out of our practice last week. We were discussing making a movie about Suge Knight and Tupac. It somehow shaped its way into being a bible allegory. Let’s do this.
Kaine and Able
Movie opens up on two kids outside on a stoop. They have a boom box. They are both rapping along to ‘California Love.’ The smaller of the kid is shown clearly idolizing the other. The song ends and the older kid puts his arm around the other and says “Listen lil’ bro. One day people will be singing my songs. I’m going to be huge.” The camera zooms back and fades to the opening credits as the kids start to sing another song.
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ANDREW DUNN COMING AT YA
This Fake Movie Friday submission was heavily inspired by a conversation I had with Alex, because he probably wasn’t going to use the idea, I figured I’d steal it.
Frat Boy
The film opens like the Hangover, with our heroes waking up after what looks like an epic party in their fraternity house. There are beer cans and liquor bottles everywhere and the place is a mess. Our heroes are just archetypes so they don’t really need names. They are: the Jock, Nerd, Nice Guy, and Stoner (Dave Franco plays one of the characters…. probably the Jock). As they are getting up the Stoner notices that he has a Police hat on, he has a moment of panic but then they have a group high five and laugh.
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This is my take on the “I’m obsessed with you, and someones gonna die” film. It will be directed by David Slade.
The film opens with Aaron Mitchell and his wife Rachel getting ready in the morning. They have a huge house and lots of waitstaff. They live in the Hollywood Hills. Aaron is played by Adrien Brody, and Rachel by Kate Beckinsale. They get into a limo and head to the airport where a small plane is waiting for them. Aaron’s agent, Frank Bradley, played by Giovanni Ribisi asks him why Aaron even still bothers going to these things, and Aaron says he likes being accessible to the fans. They deserve it. Frank replies “Yea right” and just like that the pilot takes off and tells them they will be landing in San Diego in a little over an hour.