Oh Hollywood, you are known for two things: Cash Grabs, and Oscar Grabs. In that order. And today the ultimate in both has just surfaced. Steve Jobs’ autobiography written by Walter Isaacson and released last year is being turned into a film. This is not the same Steve Jobs project that Ashton Kutcher is starring in. That’s an indie. This Steve Jobs is the big leagues, and we know this because Sony (interesting considering they probably HATE apple) has hired, the king of dialogue, Aaron Sorkin to adapt the screenplay. I for one loved The Social Network, whether it was made up or not, because Sorkin can make anything sound super interesting even if it’s nerds talking about code.
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I Don’t Want To Talk About This Too: More Bullshit
Yes, while we all got the unfortunate news that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are making The Starving Games, I hope it is not lost on the viewing public that they have already made another turd-in-waiting for this year titled “The Biggest Movie Of All Time 3D”
The poster alone pretty much sums up how asinine this film is going to be. Get it? It’s a rip-off of Avatar! The movie that came out 3 years ago and is no longer really even relevant is finally getting it’s comeuppance. This is the timing equivalent of making a joke about The Osbournes. And look at this fucking poster. It is supposed to be a Na’vi woman, but it’s FUNNY because the words are between her nose and to read them her eyes have to be crossed! If you think that is funny, I know I hate you and know you don’t deserve to live. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? No one can even answer that question and that’s the worst part. This movie will even probably make enough money to justify it’s budget.
We have to stop them.
Guess Who: The Game, The Movie
Us guys at Movie Movie absolutely love movies, but fear the direction with which they are headed. For some reason, the only movies that get greenlit anymore have to be based on something pre-existing to the point that we are getting Battleship next week. This sketch, written and directed by our friends Mary Iampietro and Zach Broussard is not only hilarious, but a terrifying glimpse into what our future is going to be, if we don’t take control of our entertainment NOW!
Fake Movie Friday – The Lucky Picture
Nicholas Sparks is known far and wide for basically taking the same book and re-working it so he can squeeze another Channing Tatum vehicle out of it. Knowing this, my good friends Michelle Tully and Tom Censani, came up with a play on The Lucky One called The Lucky Picture. I have taken several liberties with their plot as it was originally only 4 drunken sentences I wrote on my iPhone in the bar.
The film stars Chris Pine as a down on his luck surgeon named Max. Patient after patient has died on his watch and he is having what surgeons call “bad luck”. He considers at one point giving up his profession, his life, and moving back from the big city to the midwest to open up a small-town practice. One night while out with his friends and few too many drinks, he takes a cab home and in the backseat there is a random polaroid headshot of a woman. The photo is of Isla Fisher. He speaks to the photo and says something lame like “I bet she’s having better luck than me…wherever she is…”
OSCARBAIT: Ben Affleck’s Argo
I have no problem with Oscarbait, as long as it’s good. Ben Affleck’s latest film is further proof that he had no business trying to be the It Man of Hollywood blockbusters and rom coms. Instead of making shitburger after shitburger, his Gone Baby Gone, and The Town, showcased that the man can direct the hell out of a film, even if it’s fairly standard by plot. He’s been reminiscent of Eastwood with his film direction, and even his acting has improved. That being said, I think Argo has the potential to be very good.
Fast Five 2: Furious Casting Rumors
We at Movie Movie, love nothing more than some good old fashioned casting rumors and what better film to excite us at its possibilities than Fast Six, Fast and Furious 2, The Fast and Furious 3, or whatever the hell it’s going to be called.
What We Know:
Everyone (who matters) from Fast Five is supposedly going to be back and that is awesome. The Rock will continue his hotstreak of only appearing in sequels but not original films and I am ok with that. Everyone else just needs to show up and let The Rock do what he does. It comes out May 24th, 2013 and we can’t stop release dates. But yes, Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Jordana Brewster, Sung Kang, and Tyrese all appear to be back onboard.
Who Has Been Added:
As of know the only CONFIRMED addition to Fast Six is Gina Carano. I didn’t see Haywire, the Steven Soderbergh film, but I heard she was decent in it, and I know she can already fight from her MMA days and her stint on the short-lived American Gladiators reboot. I think she fits the world well as long as she’s like a number two to The Rock’s Luke Hobbs character. She’d fit something like that well.
Who Has Been Rumored:
Fake Movie Friday – Rubbernecking
Rubbernecking is a white-knuckle thriller from the master of suspense, David Slade. Rubbernecker is a thrilling suspense film starring Paul Bettany, Michelle Monaghan and everyone’s favorite, Ryan Gosling.
A black screen appears with the statistics on all the motor related fatalities that occurs accidentally in LA.
Rubbernecker opens on Paul Bettany playing Milton Stuart waking up to go to work at his office. It looks like any other day from the outset. He leaves his wife, still sleeping and goes to work. The whole time he’s there he looks at either his watch or the nearby clock. As soon as 5 o’clock hits, he calls home and tells his wife he has to work late. He gets up, gets into his car and pulls out of the driveway. He pulls out of the driveway and over to the curb and waits. We see Bettany’s character Milton look at his watch and as he does that, a car drives past him. He immediately begins following the car.
EXPENDABLES 2 Trailer!
I don’t have anything witty or important to say here. Terry Crews whet my appetite for seeing this already. It looks great:
Trailer courtesy of IGN.com
Terry Crews, Expendables 2, & How I was TERRIFIED into seeing it.
Everyone who works in marketing is an idiot. Lets just be clear. Unless of course you work for Old Spice or Lionsgate. The GENIUSES (and I’m not being facetious) behind the Expendables 2 campaign, just ensured that they will get my hard-earned $14 with this trailer for the trailer starring Terry Crews. This man could sell anything and I would buy it. Excuse me while I go slap on some Old Spice High Endurance at 10:00pm.
#whitepeopleproblems the movie
I’m sorry Judd Apatow, but I just think its WAY too soon to be rebooting Dan In Real Life:
The things that annoy me about this trailer:
1) People laughed in the theater like fifty eleven times, even though nothing was funny.
2) We Are Young is the song in the trailer even though it should have been Solsbury Hill. Don’t believe me? Just rewatch that trailer on mute and play this youtube clip of Solsbury Hill.
If you don’t immediately feel transported to Connecticut something is wrong with you